The Doctor Is In

[Yar]

Tell me about your problems. I will solve them all for you.

[NorthernChaosGod]

I'm single.

[Citizen Bleys]

I find myself consistently unable to run at near-c velocities.

[Freya]

I find myself screaming around spiders. How do I fix?

[Madame Adequate]

If I do not ejaculate at least once every four hours, my testicles swell to the size of basketballs, which is a lot larger than their usual grapefruit size.

[Rantz]

Sometimes I lactate.

[Crop]

Someone has a gun to my head and he says he will kill me unless I don't post in this thread, what do I do?

[Shlup]

I'm having the same problem as MILF.

[Yar]

I can see that you all have many problems. Luckily I am qualified to deal with them all.

I'm single.

Quit restricting yourself to men. There are plenty of women out there that would love you for the pair of ears you are.

I find myself consistently unable to run at near-c velocities.

Try running faster.

I find myself screaming around spiders. How do I fix?

Do be such a big baby. It’s just a spider. Geez

Sometimes I lactate.

That’s normal for cows. Now get off the Internet and get back to the dairy.

Someone has a gun to my head and he says he will kill me unless I don't post in this thread, what do I do?

Well sounds like you’re dead already. RIP you.

If I do not ejaculate at least once every four hours, my testicles swell to the size of basketballs, which is a lot larger than their usual grapefruit size.

Fap at least once every four hours. It will reduce the swelling.

I'm having the same problem as MILF.

Circlejerk.

[Bunny]

I am slowly turning into marsupial. Is this normal?

[rubah]

I was not Raptured today. I believe I was schedule for 2 hours and 20 minutes ago. To whom do I address my complaint about the service of the Son of God?

[I Took the Red Pill]

I can't decide whether Liquid Swords or Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... is the superior album.

[NorthernChaosGod]

You're a ty doctor.

[Yar]

I am slowly turning into marsupial. Is this normal?

Yes. Bunnies don't turn into wallabies. Bunnies turn into rabbits or at least just larger bunnies.
Unfortunately, I'm not a veteranarian. Please seek professional help.

I was not Raptured today. I believe I was schedule for 2 hours and 20 minutes ago. To whom do I address my complaint about the service of the Son of God?

Oh, I'm sorry Allie. Apparently, the one true religion this time around was Methodist. Better luck next time.

I can't decide whether Liquid Swords or Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... is the superior album.

Liquid Swords. QED

You're a ty doctor.

*sigh* I am just as qualified as Dr Phil. You get what you pay for.

Wanna go out? It will solve your single problem.

[Bunny]

You're a ty patient.