Exit strategy

[Citizen Bleys]

Imagine, if you will, that you have just won the lottery/sold some drugs/inherited millions in Nazi gold and you never have to work another day in your life. How would you quit your job?

There is an actual chocolate factory I pass every day on the way to work. I would go in, commission a 10 pound bag of chocolate dicks, and go into work as usual. I'd then go up to my boss, put the bag on his desk, and say "I have millions of dollars now. Eat a bag of dicks."

Said bag could also be great fun in a retirement home or nunnery.

[Shlup]

Well I don't know why you even bothered to make this thread because no one is going to top that.

[Citizen Bleys]

You never know, I've had a couple of pleasant surprises in the political suicide thread.

[Jiro]

In this hypothetical job I have there is a lot of space so I would go into work early and clear out a huge area of floor space. I would then superglue notes to the floor that spell out "smurf YOU I QUIT D Barker" and then put a tiny camera in the corner and tape as they all try to steal the money.

[Hollycat]

I'd rent a ferrari, drive through one of the big windows, drive around breaking things, stop in front of my manager, throw out a wad of cash, say "this ought to cover it." Then I would slip on some shades and drive out another window as the music from CSI miami screams out behind me.

[Citizen Bleys]

@HC: Dude, you work in fast food, you could use Political Suicide Strategy #4* to devastating effect.

*That one's "end every declarative sentence with 'because of the Jews'"

Imagine rush hour, bellowing "We're holding on nuggets because of the Jews!" or "Your total will be 7.38 because of the Jews!"

Then you could use Strategy #7 at the trial.

[Rantz]

Let's see here. I would buy a helicopter (not like I wasn't gonna buy one anyway), don a protective suit and a megaphone, have my pilot take me to just outside my office building, where I would shout at them through the megaphone to come out, listing the names of my least favourite coworkers mingled with various expletives. When they are outside or at least are staring out through open windows, I would call in the second helicopter (okay, this one may be somewhat wasteful) to come hang over my own. My ally up above would proceed to empty sackfuls of cow dung right into the propeller of my helicopter. If all goes to plan (I will be refining the plan to make it physically viable), my bosses and coworkers would be sprayed with the waste, and I would cry into my megaphone:

THE trout HAS HIT THE FAN! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I QUIT!! SORRY RYAN, DIDN'T MEAN TO GET YOU ALL MESSY, WAS HOPING YOU WOULDN'T COME OUT - COME OVER FOR DRINKS IN MY NEW MANSION?! ALSO BOSS: I PISSED ON YOUR CAR! smurf YOU!!!

I would then shower them with dollar bills and pamphlets on everything I hate about them before moving out.

[escobert]

I'd go in a and tell them and rub it in all their faces then say f this place and go home

[NeoCracker]

I'd wait for them to put Baloo, the resident black guy, on front counter, walk out from the back and angrily yell, "smurfing Niggers!" at him as I storm out, only to get a hold of him later that day to see if he was amused.

[Citizen Bleys]

I'd wait for them to put Baloo, the resident black guy, on front counter, walk out from the back and angrily yell, "smurfing Niggers!" at him as I storm out, only to get a hold of him later that day to see if he was amused.

And then you could use Political Suicide Strategy #7 at the trial!

[The Captain]

First off, I very much enjoy your initial idea. Even moreso if it came from Louie CK's routine about said "Bag of Dicks".

As for me, if I HAD to quit either of my jobs, both in TV, I'd wait until we were on the air then walk in front of a camera, tell people to turn off their TV's and go outside. Or pull a "Network" and rant non-stop until someone pulled me off.

That would be a lot of fun.


Take care all.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I work for myself, so I'd just get to pick and choose whose car I worked on.

Goodbye Chevy Venture minivans with a goddamn v6 shoved sideways, under the firewall, in an engine bay designed for a 4 cylinder.

Hello Lotus Elise with a goddamn 4 cylinder shoved sideways behind the driver, equally unreachable. At least it's a better vehicle.

I wouldn't be working on too many cars anyway. If I won the lotto or something like that I'd spend a large portion of my free time bombing job interviews and recording them with tiny cameras hidden on my person.

I might even try to get hired, and then see how long it would take to get fired.

[Loony BoB]

I like the people I work with, so it would be pretty boring.

[Peegee]

Me too. @Bleyz you should get out of the call center and get a job with the servers or something rewarding

I would probably throw a huge party then disappear.

[Citizen Bleys]

I like the people I work with, so it would be pretty boring.

I like the people I work with, too. My boss would asphyxiate from laughter.