My crafts are valuable and not worthless you hack!
My crafts are valuable and not worthless you hack!
Back from work. Let's have a look at what happened last night.
Calm before the Storm
I made some ... miscalculations. We're actually halfway through my year, and I will be delivering Autumn in one segment rather than two. So let's take a look.
After things had settled down in Spoonproblems, the dwarves began resuming their daily activities (being idle, mostly) and expanding their prosperous kingdom. By having parties. And ogling the elven traders. Once I made some trades, the human caravan which had saved us from goblin annihilation set off to the next stop on their journey. May they survive only slightly shorter than us.
So Shion finally kicked the bucket. She died berserk, insane, starving and dehydrated.
And then I read something bizarre. Just to clarify, it was GXIII and Yeargdribble that died. I don't know why I wrote EE at the end, but I think it was because he got injured.
I wondered if his upper body has literally been severed from his legs, but then I realised that Doctor Quin does smurf all so I wouldn't be surprised if he signed that off as a 'minor disability.' He's also slow to heal apparently so best of luck with that, EE.
Meanwhile MILF and Iceglow get back to being frisky.
Leader of Mortals, clearly jelly, tried to emulate them by sleeping with his cat. This picture is also an accurate snapshot of Psychotic's hard work. None. He does nothing. More humorously, he has become romantically involved with Quin which means that the two most qualified and important dwarves, the leader and the surgeon, have fallen in love, attracted to each other by their extreme laziness.
As you can tell, Autumn has been a very friendly and domestic time for the Dwarves. No fighting or construction. Mostly because I can't do either of those, and the dwarves exploit that quality within me. Shlupquack (who emigrated as Kaycee's child) threw another party. It wasn't all bad though, and this screenshot of it amused me because poor Supermillionaire shows up and it looks like the door
Is not gonna be letting him in. When ff babe is invited to a party and you're not, consider volunteering for the next mining-suicide mission.
And then it started raining again. Pretty badly, too. Luckily there were no floods in our fortress this time, and doctor Quin might have spent some time in his infirmary as he wouldn't want to get his dwarven perm wet. Psy sold twenty of our dwarves into slavery to buy him that. Some of our more irresponsible dwarves thought it would be clever to hang around deep rivers for days.
I don't even care if they die.
Now, if anybody is wondering what my Autumn contribution to our grand fortress is, then I may have a little surprise for you. I looked at our dwarven needs and identified four key issues.
A) Severe lack of defence.
B) Mass overcrowding
C) Lack of resources.
D) Not enough colourful roads.
Well ladies and gentleman, one of these will be a problem no longer.
It's okay, you can thank me later.
But yes, generally Autumn was quiet, short and peaceful. On the last month, snow began falling again.
The wall? I just need a gate and it's finished. I was making the Kassam stadium. Geddit? Oh, Oxford humour. Never mind.
And so Winter began. The DD administration was about to come to an end with just one more season left. And if Autumn is anything to go by, it will be a peaceful departure.
If only...
Welcome to the Winter of our discontent.
Oh christ.
Also I guess eternal essence is like, a head and arms attached to a pair of legs.
They are after my crafts!
This is awesome. I love how Yearg just gets there ("Hi guys!") and immediately dies (BANG).
A man can get a lot done with his head that close to his crotch.
Psychotic I checked the reports and the goblins killed your cat.
That cat died a noble hero's death to defend the fortress. And this is going to end with me flipping my tit, isn't it?Originally Posted by Demon Dude
Also, out with it man! What happened at this second ambush?
I'm saving that for the big finale tomorrow! It's gonna be a feature length and at the end I'm gonna make my tearful goodbyes before I hand over the file.
Plus I haven't actually played it yet.
Oh dear more roads? You know not what you do!
Also check underwater, if there's Carp in the river then that could explain why dwarves are in the river. Carp can actually pull a dwarf underwater and kill them in Dwarf Fortress, they're actually something of a legend in the old version you positively had to fear Carp much more than you would fear even the Goblin invasions.
I remember seeing that. "[dwarf] has cancelled action 'Fishing': Interrupted by Carp." I was baffled. You're supposed to see carp when you are fishing! And then I realised they were evil!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Part two finale: Destruction
It was midnight, and they come from the North. Nothing had prepared us for what we were about to see on the horizon.
A red mist fell and screams echoed from afar. The order came: "Pull the lever!" Psychotic shouted. They had no choice. Half of the population were out there, but it was home or nothing. Psychotic turned to his trusted advisers.
They lay dead.
It was only then the true consequences of the lack of resources gathered caused. With no water, the citizens of Spoonproblems began falling, one by one. And with the Goblin invasion happening outside the borders, there was to be no help. Psychotic prayed.
Outside, the hunt raged on. Veteran Loony BoB ran from the onslaught.
But Pike was not so fast.
The situation was dire. Many Dwarves had been struck down and many were choking from lack of water. The casualty list grew and grew, until a blessing arrived. Even during great tragedy, there was hope yet.
And it worked. The Goblins began leaving. Most of the remaining Dwarves reconvened within The Great Hall after a national emergency was declared.
Mayor Psychotic was panicking, but perhaps all was not lost. The Masons had made more buckets in their workshop, which meant that more water could be traded. He rushed to the infirmary to inform Quin, his last hope, and his best love.
Nothing had prepared him for this.
He knelt down with his head in his hands. All was lost, Spoonproblems was to be no more. The remaining Dwarves, dehydrated and hurt, looked to the skies. The list of casualties was too much to bear, and it was growing yet.
Dead:
Remon
Zeldy
Levian
The Man
Miriel
Timekeeper
Fire_of_avalon
RSL
Wolf Kanno
Marshall Banana
Quin
The Ceej
Hypoallergenic Cactuar
Genius Lynx
Wounded:
Dignified Pauper
Aerith's Knight
niKotine
Kaiserdragon
Goldenboko
They were doomed.
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And the story is still told fifty years later to many children. They would come to the great ancestors, and they would say "How did we survive?"
And the ancestors would laugh. And one word is all they needed to utter. The one word that would change the face of Spoonproblems forever.
"Steve"
Now somebody be a pal and give me a dummies guide for sharing the file.
There'll be a folder: Dwarf Fortress 0.31.25\data\save\Eyesonia - Just add the entire folder to a .rar or .zip using winrar/winzip and upload it to mediafire.
Also this "carp" nonsense? Seriously you two. What the smurf are you on about.
Also also DD you could've just brewed more drinks... Steve, build lots of barrels and get brewing, stat. And dig a sodding tunnel to the river haha.
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