I had a great time doing this. I encourage other new players to give it a go as well. It's hard and the interface is not kind, but I found it really fun nonetheless.
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Eyesonia.rar
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Good luck, man. All of the dwarves are inches away from dying so I had to stop a bit before Spring came.
phew.
Oh sweet mother of smurfing god....Where to begin other than saving the lives of all I can. Dear smurfery!
Oh trout.
Is all I have to say. lmfao.
You blocked the fort entrance off so no-one can get in or out for water and deleted the still I built.
You MURDERER!
WHY DD WHY? I'm looking at this and want to cry! man oh dear God I now know what it must've felt like to walk in to the chancellors office on the day after Labour lost to find the letter "Good Luck, there isn't any money left"
From the StoneWork Blog of Marick D. Pauper
Spring 526
I didn't think this could happen. That idiot Psychotic forfeited his rights as outpost leader, and he handed it down to someone even more incompetent, Demon Dude. The change in power was led by a large party in the Great Hall, little did anyone notice that Demon Dude's had commissioned the ramp down into the great hall be removed. I looked in disbelief, took another swig of rum, and dismissed it as just an illusion of the cold. Certainly, he wasn't stupid enough to prepare for the ramp to be missing.
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Our dogs had been killed. Demon Dude, in an effort to, as he put it, "raise food stocks" had our dogs put down. Rather than training them for hunting or for war, he destroyed our companions, and was too stupid to have a butcher come and clean them and put them in barrels. So the dogs sat and rot. I wish I could make a stone craft of a cave-in on this blithering idiot.
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I ventured outside today, and... I don't understand. It was warm. There was no snow. There was still a biting wind from the north blowing through the air, but no awful snow, no awful cold, it was manageable, and I thought back to my days. I was so ecstatic I went to get some rocks and make more crafts in celebration.
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The idiot, he actually did it. He removed the ramp and flooded out the month long party we were having. I guess drinking was the only way we could enjoy such stupidity, but now, we were all wet. How would we get ourselves together again. I ran and hid in my room, but this just made me mad. First the snow goes away, and now the fortress is flooded and I'm getting hypothermia. I'm going to start making large crowns adorned with large spikes to give to this blithering idiot.
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More migrants arrived. More mouths to feed. More idiots sent to their doom by a foolish King. Some days, I want to just dig down into the pits of hell and unleash a fury of demons. Then I remember those were only myths grandma told me of.
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The entrance to the great hall has been repaired! We can rejoice that maybe this fool is finally getting it. I'm not certain, but I doubt that I should be so optimistic. The elves also arrived today, and so we're selling my crafts. Once again, I save the day by getting us out of debt, and helping us buy food.
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OH MY GOD! There is a stench coming from the Great Hall that is SO bad, I nearly started gagging and choking. Don't we have a trash pile? Some sort of refuse? I think this needs to be looked into. For now, I'm going to start working on more crafts, but this is just awful. I've never experienced such an awful smell. I think I tripped over one of the legs of the dogs and kicked up some of the smell. I want to vomit.
Summer 526
The great Stair Way was constructed and everyone rejoiced. Am I the only sane one here to see that it's just a room of stairs that lead to nothing? I guess I can appreciate the artistic value of such concepts, but this is just ridiculous. Anyone can see that he doesn't know what he's doing. I wish we could revolt. I wish we could throw him in with the Carp. But that goes against our strict traditions. Dwarves are as loyal as we are stupid. We'll die for this idiot.
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More migrants. More mouths to feed. We've accomplished nothing. I'm just going to keep making crafts forever until I die of thirst, or hunger or an angry elf.
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HE DID IT! Something useful! He built a bridge across the river. Not only is said bridge wide enough for a caravan to cross, but it's actually sturdy! Even though HE didn't build it, Demon Dude did something useful. I think things are going to start turning around here soon!
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I'm writing this, curled up in the safety of my room. The lever had been pulled. Goblins arrived to steal babies and kill dwarves. Our defenses consist only of being able to hide behind our walls, but the dwarves outside... I shudder to think. If I survive, I will make stone crafts honoring them. A totem adorned with large spikes.
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I'm disgusted to say this. A human caravan saved us. We proud dwarves were rescued by smelly humans. I hate humans. The way they place my work all over their homes as if they are trinkets of their travels. What kind of bullocks is that? I heard later, after the confusion had died down, that Guardian XIII and Yearg were struck down by the goblins. A small casualty, but a blow to the great kingdom. I will honor them later.
Autumn 526
I have survived for a solid year in this hell. I'm shocked, confused, excited, sad, mad, glad, depressed and happy to not be dead. The leadership here has shown itself to be completely incompetent, only fixing itself through dumb luck. However, this was not cause for celebration. Earlier this month, Shion died of thirst. We are all wondering when a well might be created, or when we might be washed with another flood. I'm so thirsty.
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I think we're becoming delirious. In order to preserve ourselves, IceGlow and MILF's moans can be heard out in the Great Hall. Leader of Mortals, in trying to craft a new master race, was busy sodomizing a cat. I could see a strange fascination with this actually, as cats are our most loyal companions, but still... I think that is taking it too far.
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This season has been unremarkable. The biggest contribution was a road to nowhere that led to just some field. Worse yet, it was a dirt road, nothing to be proud of. Shlupquack arrived, and I remember them from the home land. She was a drinker, a hearty one at that, and threw great parties. If she threw a party here, you better believe it would lift our spirits. Too bad she also had a habit of showing her snatch. That was one thing I never want to see again.
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NO! late Autumn and Snow has begun falling again. I am hoping it does not cover the ground, the fortress, and everything. I just cannot handle such awful cold again. It was too much. I'm going to start a fire. A great fire. A fire that will burn us all to warmth. No - no that's crazy talk. I just need another drink. DAMNIT! We have no alcohol. And even that gross water, we have no source!
Winter 526
They came from the North. They attacked with fury. Goblins, another ambush party, bigger than the last. They had come to avenge the death of their comrades, and to a lesser extent, I am sure of it, steal my crafts that they saw humans trading for. We all huddled inside the fortress, the lever was pulled, but the ambush would leave us here for days, weeks, and months. Slowly, we started dying, one by one. First the Man and then Miriel. I couldn't understand what would happen, but we were becoming delirious. I couldn't trust anything this idiot said any longer. I feel we're going to die soon.
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SALVATION! The outpost liason from our homelands had arrived with guards and began combating the goblins. We were saved, but we had suffered many losses. I have sustained unbelievable injuries due to insanity caused by dehydration, but I am alive. Quin, our most esteemed doctor was dead as well, killed by a lack of planning. We were here though, alive and dying, and the outpost liason surely saw and would offer us salvation. He looked around, and all he wanted was to take our crafts. He didn't care. But I heard shouting coming from the negotiations - a great anger from Demon Dude demanding aid and assistance. The liason, fed up with the arguments, demoted Demon Dude and said that starting Spring of 527, we would have a new leader. Hopefully, someone more trustworthy...
It may have seemed like I was exaggerating my errors in the blogs. In fact, I was understating them. I'm not very good at Dwarf Fortress.Originally Posted by Iceglow
Edit: DP, that's a brilliant summary. xD
I had a look at the save and I have solved the thirst problem. Nobody is dying of thirst anymore.
Instead they are smurfing tantruming and beating each other to death, which is a pleasant change.
Half a body and I survived better than half you other tits /smug
This demanded to be posted.
Ladies and gentlemen, Spoonproblems has fallen. Iceglow tried to save it and could not, and so I tried to do it instead. I started with 33 Dwarves.
A list of what happened:
- The ice had frozen over the entrance so no Dwarf could get out. Demon Dude had destroyed the still too. Therefore they were all dehydrated. I hacked the ice away.
- Dignified Pauper and eternal essence can stop gloating as they died of thirst right after DD handed over power. As did the likes of Champagne Supernova, Del Murder, I'm my own MILF, Geniux Lynx, ShlupQuack and Angel Wings 8.
- Demon Dude had promoted himself to Sherriff and hacked Red Pill and TrollHunter to death with his woodsman's axe. I deposed him as Sherriff.
- The rotting corpses were causing everyone to go mad. The great hall was basically pure purple from the rotting miasma. Every Dwarf was tantruming and stopping.
- To counter this I built a morgue which by the end was filled up entirely:
- Demon Dude slashed up Iceglow and SuperMillionaire, hospitalising them. SM is a child and DD hacked a lung out. Yeah. I did not have a Doctor after Quin died so I appointed Furnace Operator Roto13 to the role of Chief Medical Dwarf. He celebrated his appointment by chasing a guinea pig around, kicking it, before lunging at it off the Spoonproblems bridge and into the moat, trapping himself down there. I did not bother to rescue him.
- My first ever Fell Mood!
- Typical. I got turned into a pair of pants. No exaggeration, she killed me and turned me into a pair of Dwarf Leather Pants.
- Clo went Berserk, beat Leader of Mortals to death and then fought the new Expedition Leader, Rostum. The two killed each other. Iceglow became the new Expedition Leader.
- Demon Dude finished what he started and axed the brand new Expedition Leader to death as he lay in his hospital bed. He claimed the title of Expedition Leader for himself; I decided to lock him in the hospital.
- Brennan then went berserk and murdered Jessweeee (karma, bitch) and then stalked the great hall, killing various animals. I felt I had no choice but to let Demon Dude out to fight him.
- Pike killed Brennan with her pick, but suffered grievous wounds.
- Dignified Pauper's ghost appeared out of nowhere and killed rubah.
- lil orphan baby NorthernChaosGod stopped crawling around looking for the bodies of his dead parents and died of thirst. Depressing.
- Demon Dude finally went berserk, and killed Lekana. I locked him in the morgue after he chased a Guineacock in there. King of all the Rotting Corpses.
- DK then went berserk and beat Rye and Laddy into a wall. He threw smittenkitten into a wall, slaying her. Then he and BoB went toe-to-toe - BoB being a legendary miner with a pick, DK being a badass fighter. DK killed BoB, but BoB smurfed DK's lungs up with his pick and DK eventually passed out dead.
Population of Spoonproblems at this point:
- Roto13, stuck in a ditch.
- Pike, unconscious with a broken foot.
- SuperMillionaire, child, missing a lung and lying in hospital.
- Demon Dude, berserk, locked in a morgue and about to starve.
The Famous Four.
The situation is unrescuable, but completely smurfing hilarious.
LOSING IS FUN!
We've decided Iceglow should take over the save from the end of my year. Demon Dude is a legend who killed us all. ...but Spoonproblems cannot die so easily!
That was even more rapid than I expected it would be!
Don't get too discouraged from all of this, DD, you didn't do too badly. Tips:
- Don't destroy existing constructions. Feel free to make your own if you want, but existing ones (Trade Depot and Still) were there for a reason! Build your own trout if you're not happy with what's there originally.
- Always keep an eye on your Dwarves. If you see a lot of blue arrows you know they're thirsty and can act quickly!
- Press Z regularly to view stocks. It'll show how much drink we have left.
I wouldn't be opposed to you having another turn!
I died an honourable death.
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Well it's spring and we've got some progress I will save at the season change due to auto-save (or should do) and will post updates of the spring.
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