EoFF: Dwarf Fortress - Spoonproblems. Also, goblin problems.

[Loony BoB]

We're not smurfed. Yet. Yet.

The sad thing about this game is that I don't know if I will actually get a chance to make bedrooms for people. xD With so many goblins, well, it's pretty endless really.

Mining 101: When the going gets tough, you dig deep.

The next goblin thief was not as tough. It didn't need to be, at least, not for a while. Because it ran. And boy, could this little sod run.

Eventually, they caught up with him.


He still got away - and ran downstairs. Eventually, this thief would die somewhere around our dining room or something. We'll inevitably get miasma problems but perhaps our cleaners will be good, who knows. Either way, it was time to just leave the goblins outside alone for a bit while I assessed the damage. Oh, wait.


Phew. Can you imagine if he went berserk? This place would be proper smurfed then. Also...


About smurfin' time. I decided to check on where the goblins were to ensure we weren't in any immediate trouble, since they can probably fire through the entrance using their crossbows.


Luckily, they were North of us, between the lakes. As I checked to see if any of our soldiers were still above ground, I noticed this. It wasn't intentional - they were on automation, still, for some reason. It genuinely summed up the atmosphere of the fortress, though.


With that done, I headed down to the hospital. Four were in beds.


At the top was Genius Lynx, who had no health problems in his status screen. Thank God.
Bottom left was ShlupQuack, who had lost her ability to stand.
The middle of the bottom three is DK, who had suffered motor nerve damage and, I'm told by Unne, may never grasp an axe quite the same way again. But he'll still be capable. They left it up to me as to whether he remains in the military. I'll reassess things later. We're safe... for now. And then, finally, there was Laddy. The outlook was not good. He was suffering from heavy bleeding. And... he couldn't breathe. I'm not sure how he is still alive. He has lost the ability to stand and grasp. This is not cool. I don't know if I saved him fast enough. Only time will tell. Hopefully Unne, Quin and Kentarou can work some kind of miracle.


ShlupQuack has her wounds dressed, grabs a crutch and heads off to eat. She declares herself a wrestler even now. She's a fighter, that's for sure.

I went back upstairs and looked at Marshall Banana as she hammered away. Five workshops were all in use. In the open. It was time for change. I ripped them all down and built a new set of workshops around the furnaces. And as for the woodcutters, the plant gatherers...

I dug. Pike dug. Ashley dug. Rostum dug. Shiny dug. We dug until we found it.


A cavern! I immediately closed off access to the cavern, flooring over the old stairway. The magical nature of the deeps had done it's work already. Moss appeared upstairs by the farms, in the hospital (mental note: Put down flooring on that level). I picked out a spot for a large open space and knew that once we dug out that zone, we would have a private underground garden with trees and plants in safe location. One project that will pay off untold amounts. Perfect.


As if to celebrate, AngelWings8 popped out a baby! And then...!


Hooray! They're coming in from the North!

...wait.

SMURF.

[qwertysaur]

If there are any survivors from the migrants I would like to be dwarfed if possible.

[Madonna]

These clinic beds sure are something, let me tell you.

[Loony BoB]

If there are any survivors from the migrants I would like to be dwarfed if possible.

There are seven of them. Our warriors number roughly the same amount - those who are equipped for battle and off their hospital bed, anyway, and that includes Shlup who is on a crutch. So six, really. The enemies, weilding crossbows, also number six. I... don't think this wave of seven migrants is going to come to a happy ending. I think they're basically guaranteed death unless I get really lucky and find a way to draw the enemy away, or perhaps if they scatter, some might make it in somehow. But I'll have to lower the drawbridge if that happens and that would mean my six warriors and the rest of our group being endangered. I really need to sort out cage traps and do it effing fast after this lot are done. A very significant number of them, too.

[Iceglow]

War Dogs, why don't you have war dogs on the military squad dude!

[Loony BoB]

I literally haven't had the chance since I got the game. xD I've barely got into summer and I've already gone through three episodes. Hopefully the next two thirds of my year will be a bit more easy-going. Hopefully!

________________________________

Goblins, aka Immigration Control

I had to do something. Dropping the drawbridge would do no good - easy access to every one of our civilians was stupid. The only other way in was through the cage trap tunnel - there were still a few cage traps there and the military could handle the rest. But it was too late for hoping the goblins would charge in - they had a number of dwarves that had to go past them to get inside the fort. Still, if they scattered, or were fast and good at dodging (as many of the incoming dwarves seemed to be, luckily), some could survive. The goblins would follow them and at least half would end up in a cage, while the others would face up against the remnants of our military force. We could only try.


As you can see, it was quite likely we'd get most of the goblins captured while the civilians hid in the dining room.


The first of the dwarves - pamelasandon - appears. Upon seeing the goblins (below left), she screams at the top of her lungs. "Fungal disease that blankets leaves!" Yeah, the goblins heard her scream and made a beeline for her immediately.


Meanwhile, Del Murder started deconstructing the walled off cage trap tunnel.


At that same time, crossbow bolts whizzed towards pamelasandon, and she was wounded and killed almost immediately.


She survived just long enough for the next dwarf to arrive - davidhass3lh0ff.


The military were stationed and ready for the incoming attack, including both DK and ShlupQuack. The wall downed, I made one final check to ensure all civilians returned to the dining room. They had (migrants excepted). Good. Just the military and the six remaining migrants, then.


davidhass3lh0ff ran to the right despite having a crossbow sticking out of his leg, and managed to survive a lot longer than pamelasandon. This gave time for qwertysaur and crono_logical to also run in, as seen to the right. Meanwhile, zohaib hussein ran in to the left, which was completely unexpected. He dragged a couple of crossbowmen with him, which certainly made matters a little more interesting...


davidhass3lh0ff died almost immediately afterwards, as seen above. However, looking near the bottom of the page you'll see clout and qwerty with a good distance covered and heading home. To the far right, by the river, you see Shattered Dreamer and Big D.


Here we see qwerty and clout running into the sweet safety of the fortress, the last of the elven merchants leaving, and... Wait, why are the military heading outdoors?


zohaib somehow is still alive. Seriously, this guy has been running circles around two enemy crossbowmen for some time now.


To the bottom left, we see goblins running towards the cage trap tunnel and the military who, Azar leading the way, have gone to pick up items despite the fact I've stationed them within the tunnel. Only some of them, mind you. Must be better armour around or something. Panic stations. Oh, to the top right, you see Big D. To the bottom right corner, you would see Shattered Dreamer if he wasn't on a different level to everyone else. He's by the lake on the level above.


Azar heads on a suicide mission towards the goblins. By this point I have decided all military will charge these two goblins. The other has headed off after Big D. The numbers are suddenly stacked firmly in our favour for this skirmish.


Although difficult to see (I forgot to zoom back in after earlier pictures), to the left you see the remnants of a goblin Azar freaking obliterated the moment he collided with the enemy. Seriously, epic first kill. The goblin lasted less than a second. The other guy took a bit more work, but DK, GeniusLynx and his wife AngelWings8 - carrying her baby - despatch the second foe. At some point around here, zohaib died. I have no idea how, as his body is no longer in the game. I tried to zoom to his location using his status screen, but it wouldn't. Weird. I guess he'll be ghosting us at some point! DK charged towards the lasher and crossbow weidling goblins chasing Big D and Shattered Dreamer, seen to the right.


Here we see DK smashing up a lasher with AngelWings8 while everyone else gangs up on the Big D-chasing crossbowman, who died quickly. The lasher managed to survive a bit longer. But... Wait. This was all too easy. I count off the kills.


Oh. Ha. I organise for a doconstruction of a wall so our guys can take out the last of them, and...


...well, we lost another. We always knew Shlup was close to Devil Man, so I hope...


...ah, bugger. She throws a rock against a wall in the fort and gets over it, though. Atta girl.

[Madonna]

A better engineer than me would organize a method of flooding and draining that ditch. Drowning goblins sounds much more fun than punching them to death (despite what ShlupQuack says).

Stay alive, Loony BoB, keep us alive, and make Spoonproblems proud.

[Loony BoB]

Life, Death, Afterlife and more Life.

Okay, while we fought all those goblins, I forgot to update you about a couple of babies. But it's cool, because Shlup & Raist had set a reminder for me to update you about them. That reminder came in the form of another baby.
(SPOILER)


Somehow, baby Cuchulainn is already the most foul-mouthed dwarf in Spoonproblems. I was teaching him a new word or two of my own when an all too familiar call came from the fortress entrance. "Get the smurf off me, you smurfing ugly green bastards!"

(SPOILER)

It was foa. She had spotted not just an ambush, but two goblin thieves. Right at the fortress entrance. Laddy didn't make it after his drop, but I knew what I had to do. I ordered the lever pulled, and hoped she'd make it inside somehow. I was not optimistic.

(SPOILER)
Immediately after this, another goblin squad appeared on the map. They had Shorty completely surrounded.

(SPOILER)
This is about one or two seconds later.

(SPOILER)
It was then that I was informed of the third squad. They were spotted by an incoming caravan of human merchants. By my count, that's two human soldiers, two human merchants and at least four goblin warriors. I left the human soldiers to it.

(SPOILER)
RIP, Shorty & foa. You were two dwarves that dramatically improved our fortress and without you it will not be the same.

(SPOILER)
The merchants travelled past the (now much better prepared) cage trap tunnel. Our soldiers stand ready to embark on their hunt, although at this point with no dwarves outside, a rather wise DK advises them to wait for the goblins to walk into the traps. At the moment, the odds are not in our favour. The few goblins that survived the human soldiers are quickly secured, and our newest goblin problem is over. Phew. Oh, and the goblin snatchers were ripped up by our military within the fortress walls.

(SPOILER)
Dear Autumn, please do not send any more goblins our way, kind regards, Loony BoB.

(SPOILER)
I wonder what Xalibar is up to?

(SPOILER)
Xalibar is up to being smurfing awesome, that's what. Take notes, everyone. This is EXACTLY what everyone should do with their enemies. Turn their bones into weapons. Hell yes. I can only hope someday this is added to a weapon trap so that it stabbity-stabs other goblins.

(SPOILER)
Called it.

(SPOILER)
Whee. Today's migrants arrive without issue for a change, and casually walk in to the mines. I quickly recruit edczxcvbnm into our second military squad. Why? Because he's bloody good with a crossbow, and that's a first for us. Well, there's BG-57 who is a novice with one, but he's our only talented weaponsmith. Anyway, edc won't be training or anything just yet as he's just one marksdwarf and there isn't an archery target built. I have, however, established two new barracks areas which will eventually be set up for the Fortress Guard (led by another newcomer, KaiserDragon, who possibly will use the goblin bone spear) and the marksdwarfs respectively. Someone else will have to carry out the final touches in there, but probably only when there are enough people to make the squads useful.

Anyway. We also got Shaibana [Carpenter/Woodcrafter], some guy who insisted he didn't need a name (He's nicknamed by his mates as 'Idnan', so we'll go with that) [Mason/Glazer/Makeshift Wood Burner], McLovin' [Glassmarker/Makeshift Miner], DocFrance [High Master Bone Doctor/High Master Wound Dresser], Jentleness [Bone Setter/Presser/Animal Dissector], Tavrobel [Engraver] and Dr Eddz [Accomplished Suturer/Accomplished Wound Dresser]. At least our medics are populous.

It's probably time I updated you guys on the projects I've set up, now that things are running slightly more smoothly.

(SPOILER)
Here we see the entrance to the fortress. This forces enemies into running through set cage traps should they try to sneak up on dwarfs in positions such as that which foa was in. Sadly, she was in this position while making these walls. Catch 22. Hopefully it will save many a life in the future.

(SPOILER)
I have decided to leave the cage tunnel permanently open for now. If fully prepared, it will stop a minimum of 19 goblins and a maximum of 42 goblins. Maybe 45, I'm sure I put a few cage traps by the stairs, too... But yeah. Obviously it's unlikely we'll get to that, but please, keep building cages. There are only four things wood should be used for in this game, all are important. But, in order of importance, I would say that it goes like this: Cages, Charcoal, Beds, Bins. But obviously - make them all. Don't settle for just one or two. Hopefully woodcutting will eventually not be highly required, though. I strongly suggest my future replacement arrange for a lot of wood to be imported and to trade it in whenever possible. We'll always have easy access to stone. Wood is a different story. Hopefully the underground garden will pay off and we'll have trees that are safe to get to, but they will never grow fast enough to satisfy the potential huge population of dwarfs we may have.

(SPOILER)
Some people collect stamps. Some people collect figurines. I collect goblins.

(SPOILER)
Here is the beginnings of our underground garden. Feel free to expand it as much as you like, so long as you don't dig beneath a lake or something stupid like that. It should stop you from doing such a thing, but yeah, don't do it.

(SPOILER)
Our dwarves have been unhappy lately, so I've decided to smooth all the stone in the dining room so they feel a little better about where they eat. I have also built floors into the hospital and cemetery. The construction of a wall in the cemetery is pretty much done, and it should hopefully be engraved by someone eventually.

(SPOILER)
The barracks expansion, stage one. The two other barracks rooms have since been mined out below this one. It allows for ten soldiers to sleep, and spar a little easier. I've also mined out an area to the right of the barracks. This would be a useful spot to put down a weapon/armor stockpile (I never got around to it). It's even seperated a little so the ammunition can go into the bottom room, which would be ideal for the marksdwarves who will likely use the bottom barracks for training.

(SPOILER)
The workshop area. There are no longer any workshops above ground. This means more time hauling items, but it also means happier dwarves and it most certainly means safer dwarves. The stairs going up in the middle of the workshop walls lead to a stone and wood stockpile. The little hall heading to the left has since been expanded to lead to a massive room, which would be ideal for finished goods.

(SPOILER)
I got curious since zobain stalked haunting us and did eventually find his corpse. In the deeps of the river. If someone can think of a way to get him out, go for it!

(SPOILER)
...oh, for the love of... (in case anyone is wondering, a cyclops is a building destroyer and can smash through walls or anything).

(SPOILER)
Nice timing, Manus. The guy must think we have a distinguished guest or something.

(SPOILER)
Oh, maybe we do. He avoided smashing walls and went through the main entrance and got caught by cage trap #1.

(SPOILER)
Our new youngest dwarf! Man, they're popping out like crazy lately.

(SPOILER)
Another!

(SPOILER)
Spring: Goblins. Summer: More goblins. Autumn: Oger. Winter: ???

(SPOILER)
Please live, please live, please live... Oh, he's going to the jeweler's shop. Easy!

(SPOILER)
Bling bling.

(SPOILER)
EVERYONE HAS NICKNAMES. But apparently not Pete for President's parents. I have no idea who these people are and I don't know how to find out without wasting time. So I don't waste time. But whoever you are: Congratulations!

(SPOILER)
Upon looking at the nobles screen, I saw that we now had a bunch of requirements I'd not had time to look into earlier. So welcome to the noble rooms. To the upper left, you have the mayor's bedroom. Below it is the mayor's study/office. Below that is the mayor's dining room. Feel free to make them really fancy. Every square on this floor should realistically be smoothed down at the very least, and perhaps engraved. But for now, just smoothed. Anyway. The nine small rooms above and below the stairwell room are for the other nobles. The rooms on the right are to be kept free until we someday (I'm optimistic here) have a baron sent our way. For now, Psychotic is our mayor, manager, broker and record keeper. In the long run, mayors will be elected so it's anyone's guess. Unless we get a better record keeper than Psy, he should keep that job. Unless we get a better organizer than Psy, he should keep that job, too. And unless somehow we get a bloody awesome appraiser, I think he's gonna keep that job for life, because he's pretty damned good at it. The only other noble we have that requires a room is the captain of the guard, KaiserDragon. So he gets the three rooms just to the right of Psy's bedroom.

(SPOILER)
Winter was clearly our best season ever. Anyway, with Bolivar's creepy attachment to his iron short sword, well, I'm done. This game was just non-stop. I have never had so much to do! I hope the next person who follows up my turn will have a great year.

Things that I did not get done that I wanted to get done:
1. Put tables directly next to every bed in the hospital. I forgot one of them.
2. Set up stockpiles for finished goods, armor, weapons, leather, cloth, etc.
3. Smooth stone. Everywhere!
4. Set up better barracks. Continue to expand the military.
5. Engrave the hell out of the cemetery. RIP.
6. Build floors on the walkways of the dirt levels. The secure underground garden is great, but we really, really don't want trees growing in front of entrances to workshops and whatnot. This will take a lot of time, but in the long run will be worth it.
7. Continue to build bedrooms. The floor below the noble rooms is a good place to continue expanding.
8. Keep going down from the bedrooms and eventually - eventually - you'll find that I've mined a pathway to below the cavern. Keep digging around this floor and the ones below - carefully walling off any cavern access you might accidentally create - and look for a flux stone: Calcite, Chalk, Dolomite, Limestone or Marble. If we can find some of this, we can start making our own steel. Yay!

IMPORTANT: You know how Psy told you to pull the lever? Well, if the cage traps are ready (ie, they have a cage in them, and the cage is not full of some monster) then leave it down if there are people still outside. Pull the lever when civilians are INSIDE. If they are not, rely on the cage traps. HOWEVER. What you really, really need to do is USE THE PANIC (DINING) ROOM! Press 'm' for military, 'a' for alerts, go right twice so you highlight 'Dining Room' and press ENTER to order every civilian to run to the dining room and stay there. Your military will remain active. So: m, a, right, right, enter. Do the same thing again to take away the alert and allow your civilians to go back to work/idling/whatever.

ALSO IMPORTANT: To get your military to kill something, press 's' for squads, 'a' for "The Copper Words" (DK's squad), then follow the instructions carefully (eg. m for move, k for kill). Perhaps more importantly, when the military are no longer needed to be moving or killing, press 's' 'a' 'o' to cancel their order. Otherwise they will spend all eternity trying to kill something they have already killed, or trying to stand in the spot they were told to stand in. They will only return for food/drink. So cancel their order when done so they can return to their training etc.

EDIT: One last thing to my far, far too long post: I just noticed after playing a bit longer on my own time that BG-57 is dead because he violated a mandate of Psychotic's. I don't know if this is just in my playthrough or if this happened before I saved the game or the next person's turn. So now we have no real decent weaponsmith. It may be worth setting up a prison or something. DK & Shlup have also been punished, but obviously they live on.

[Psychotic]

GOBPROBZ!

Can we get a screenshot of Eggut Omrist? Also what an awful use for a legendary spear, man. Give it to some high up military type.

Also, Cyclops in a cage, eh? I call dibs!

For now, Psychotic is our mayor, manager, broker and record keeper. In the long run, mayors will be elected so it's anyone's guess. Unless we get a better record keeper than Psy, he should keep that job. Unless we get a better organizer than Psy, he should keep that job, too. And unless somehow we get a bloody awesome appraiser, I think he's gonna keep that job for life, because he's pretty damned good at it

There is no smugface big enough for this.

Actually wait, yes, yes there is.



Heh.

[Loony BoB]

Can we get a screenshot of Eggut Omrist? Also what an awful use for a legendary spear, man. Give it to some high up military type.

You mean the description?

This is a goblin bone spear. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. On the item is an image of a fire man in goblin bone.

I don't think a legendary spear will be that useful to any of our military types considering they are all useless with a spear. Kaiser is a speardwarf, so he'll probably get it, unless there is an iron spear around or something. Which there might be, actually. Either way, bone spears are pretty useless when you're in the middle of a battle, at least compared to an iron equivalent. Kaiser doesn't even use a weapon at the moment anyway, he's never on active duty because he's the only member of the guard.

Also, Cyclops in a cage, eh? I call dibs!

Psychotic vs. Cyclops in the arena? Even with a bone spear, I dunno...

For now, Psychotic is our mayor, manager, broker and record keeper. In the long run, mayors will be elected so it's anyone's guess. Unless we get a better record keeper than Psy, he should keep that job. Unless we get a better organiser than Psy, he should keep that job, too. And unless somehow we get a bloody awesome appraiser, I think he's gonna keep that job for life, because he's pretty damned good at it

I think you'll lose the manager spot once another organiser appears. We could give it to DK, who is already a lot better than you at it (a squad leader thing, maybe?), but he's too good a warrior to be stuck behind a desk doing paperwork. Nobody else is organised yet. Hopefully someone turns up. You haven't gained any experience in organising at all, weirdly. I think when you have multiple jobs, some jobs end up taking a back seat... dunno. Shaterred Dreamer could be a worthy Record Keeper as he has 3000xp in it (Skilled), but you're on 4,998 at the moment (Talented) so it's a tough choice. Appraising? Ha! You're a Professional Appraiser (8,980xp) compared to our alternative, Rye, who is a Novice with 500xp.

My tips for your opposition to staying as (elected) mayor are Unbreakable Will, eternal essence, Zeldy and Rye. If I had to pick one, it'd be eternal essence.

[Psychotic]

Thanks, now I know to send to the caverns and pretend to be upset when they mysteriously vanish.

Also don't burst my bubble, man.

Also also, for those who care (I estimate precisely 0 people) I have finally updated the list of updates in the first post to include Iceglow's reign of terror and the rise of Loony BoB.

[Loony BoB]

Operation: PANIC ROOM
Set up a room where all civilians will run to when an enemy is sighted. Actually, I've already set up this room, and it's the dining room. Eventually I'll look into a more effective room that is a bit more 'purpose built'.

Okay, it'll be the dining room for all time, probably. It's handy that it's a "nice looking" place, so the dwarves should be happy until someday something breaks through from the depths and wipes us all out. Er... might be worth putting traps somewhere between the depths and the dining room at some point... let alone the bedrooms. Either way: Panic room set up. ✔

Operation: Dwarves Hate Working In the Sun And/Or Rain
Move the workshops and storage underground to avoid sun, rain and enemies.

✔ - Done.

Operatoin: Dwarves Should Learn to Like the Sun Anyway
As much as I hate the sun, I can understand that regular access to it can help, so the target is to set up a statue garden which is COMPLETELY walled off, no doors, nothing. Just a stairway to sweet, sweet underground. That way we hopefully won't have problems with dwarves getting molesight.

X - Fail.

Operation: I Hate Goblins, But I Hate Death Even More
Capture or kill all goblins without suffering any damage.

✔ - I was referring to the initial attack on our fort that was ongoing, and this was 100% successful. Sucks about the later losses, though.

Operation: Cage Traps, Cage Traps, Cage Traps and also Cage Traps
Set up improved defence systems.

✔ - Done. Also, I found this while at work today. It sums up my initial strategy in DF defence 100%.

Operation: The Great Indoors
Find a cavern. Cut off all access to cavern completely. Watch trees grow underground so we don't have to go above ground to cut down trees anymore, either.

✔ - Done. Well, aside from watching trees grow. It was winter! But all the same, now spring is here, hopefully it will hapen. There have been a bunch of shrubs that have already grown, though. Yay.

Operation: Operation
Tables directly next to the beds in the hospital.

✔ - Done. Okay, okay, but seven out of eight isn't bad, though.

Operation: Catsplosion
We need to explode cats. I can only assume that this is what Catsplosion means. Catsplosion will lead to an excellent way to eventually explore a cavern without the loss of life... dwarf life, anyway.

X - 100% fail. Our female and male cat simply do not want to. We need to bring in more cats.

Operation: Stones are Only Useful In Certain Places
Time to move the stone to certain places where it will be useful. I just checked: 16 idlers at present. That is more than enough.

✔ - Done. There are still a large number of rooms which need to be cleared out (d, b, d to dump large numbers of items at once, for anyone interested in playing next), but the key areas I wanted cleared were cleared.

Operation: Soldier On
Analyse the military schedules, equipment, training etc. and react accordingly.

✔ - Done. Also, they now have iron armor/weapons. All of the main squad, anyway. At least, they better have it on, because otherwise our dwarfs made all that stuff for nothing.

Operation: Make Use
Look into a more effective job setup. Key point: More miners needed for all this work. There are only two at present.

✔ - Done. But now we need a new weaponsmith. eternal essence is a makeshift one, but man, hopefully we get one soon.

So... who's up next?

http://www.aiyon.com/keke/df/Eyesonia.rar (9M)

[Jiro]

gawd if I had any idea how to work this game, I would be all over it. It's just so hard working with ascii

[Iceglow]

Use a damn interface mod you filthy smurfing convict, just be sure to turn true-type fonts on as well.

[Jiro]

Give me a step-by-step way to do this and I shall. All the explanations I found online assumed I was already a dwarf fortress pro but I am a complete and utter retard.