EoFF: Dwarf Fortress - Spoonproblems. Also, goblin problems.

[Madonna]

Did I miss something? I thought cave-ins could happen if a room gets bigger than 5x5 with no support. I remembered this one time I was completely renovating a mountainside to turn into a veritable garden paradise, when a few of my dwarves decided to clear a cliffside before they took off the layer on top. They created a brittle crust of land upon which they then began to work upon and it broke. My whole screen was smoke and rock chunks. Bloody rock chunks. In honor of them, I flooded the area with a stagnant lake and used the land to produce strawberries.

[Madame Adequate]

DAMNIT PAUL AND STEVE AND DAN AND KEITH IT'S PROBABLY YOUR FAULT TOO

[I Took the Red Pill]

God I love these threads. And apparently Kyono, as well

[Psychotic]

From the journal of noble hero Psychotic, saviour of the Dwarven people. Or at least Marick. And that's... quite shameful really

Winter, 525

Nothing really eventful happened in Winter, I just finished off my construction projects. My time at Spoonproblems is at an end, but first I'll show you what I have created.



The Great Hall. Why yes, it is two storeys high. It is indeed a thing of beauty, I feel.



The brand new Dwarven hospital, all stocked up and ready to treat the sick. Thankfully it has not had any patients yet, but that's not going to last forever!



The Barracks. There's training rooms and equipment storage spaces in the larger rooms at the bottom, and then individual bedrooms for soldiers at the top. Make sure you only assign these to soldiers! Lynxie is in there because he is AngelWings8's spouse.



The apartment complex for the Dwarves. Each one has a bed and a cabinet. This one houses 48 and is fully furnished, so we'll be good for a while yet. I also dug out another one right beneath it, although I haven't furnished it.

What are MILF and Iceglow up to? It is better not to ask.



The Wall, The Bridge, Maine Road. Long may beautiful Spoonproblems stand.

---

Future Rulers:

My aim was to get some sort of basic infrastructure in place. We can feed and house many more Dwarves now, and isolate ourselves from the outside world. Here are some things you may want to consider.

• Find a water source! There is a river in the top-right corner, and when I last looked it was frozen. Maybe it unfreezes in Summer, I don't know! Alternatively you can try digging below to find water underground. I've began an exploratory shaft right beneath the barracks. I have places safety hatches on the stairs, and doors next to the opening to the stairs, so if you find anything unpleasant down there, for god's sake seal them all off!
• Workshops are kind of all over the place and don't really have the correct stockpiles next to them. I didn't have time to set them up, I just wanted to start cranking out furniture asap. You can think about making them more efficient.
• Perhaps get a smelting operation in place. We sure as hell have enough wood out there. I also have two steel anvils.
• Train and equip the military!
• Perhaps get some crafting industries set up, so as to squeeze as much out of the caravans as possible.

Well then, step right up, who wants the fort next? Don't be shy! It's lovely... for a godforsaken hole in the ground.

[demondude]

Haha, this is better than I expected. I'll pass on the next turn but I'm interested in doing one sooner than later.

[TrollHunter]

Oh hoho IceGlow you pimp

[Madonna]

The Barracks. There's training rooms and equipment storage spaces in the larger rooms at the bottom, and then individual bedrooms for soldiers at the top. Make sure you only assign these to soldiers! Lynxie is in there because he is AngelWings8's spouse.

AngelWings8, please treat me well.

I am volunteering Sir Topham Hatt since I believe he offered to do the job next. I have never used any of these new utilities and I want to play with them a little more.

[Pike]

What are MILF and Iceglow up to? It is better not to ask.

OTP. Forever.

[AngelWings8]

AngelWings8, please treat me well.

Only if you make me a sandwich And get me a beer darling!

[TrollHunter]

AngelWings8, please treat me well.

Only if you make me a sandwich And get me a beer darling!

Ma'am it's spelled sammich. Were you not informed of this?

[AngelWings8]

I apparently didn't get the memo

Don't call me ma'am...it makes me feel old *cries* Make me a sammich!

[Madame Adequate]

What are MILF and Iceglow up to? It is better not to ask.

OTP. Forever.

Judas.

Also, Endwarfen Rye if you'd be so kind.

[Dignified Pauper]

From the StoneWork Blog of Marick D. Pauper

Autumn 525:

The King said that I was needed in Spoonproblems, that there was no sense of culture and that he worried about the export of fine artistic products from the North that could generate revenue when sold to the humans who, in their quest for knowledge, wanted to adorn their homes with fine Dwarven crafts. Whatever their reason, when I asked why I couldn't simply craft art from the homeland, the council responded that, "You must experience the harsh winters of the North to truly understand what it meant to be an artist. Besides, your tanning skills are subpar." Basically, I wasn't wanted in the capital anymore. I'm bitter about that. But, We'll see what happens when i arrive.

-

Oh god, what did I get myself into? It's cold, miserable, and the outpost leader seems to speak incessantly about Capy-baras - a gruesome creature that arrives without warning and leaves, as if surveying. If they are truly that terrifying, I'm just going to walk out their and let them have me. Later the coyotes can tear me apart and eat me away.

-

I don't think anyone appreciates me around here. They gave me these cheap rocks, and they forced me to carve out ornate sculptures. I tried to create a nice rock sculpture of the horrifying Capy-baras from Psychotic's terrible painting. What an awful artist.



From his exaggerations, and the terrible picture he drew, I made a masterpiece of stonework from rock salt portraying the savage beasts. It spoke to wonders of my skill! Surely the King will look fondly upon it and one day allow me to lead this squalid outpost, and then leave!

-

What the hell is this obvious lever in the Great Hall? Is it really that necessary? Also, who designed these tiny rooms. An artist of my caliber deserves better! Also, people are starting to pair off. The doctor is nothing but a waste of a dwarf, but damn do they like to drink, and anyone who wants to drink that much is fine by me.

Psychotic is busy manipulating everyone into working for the better of the fortress, but I think he's doing it all wrong. Where's the stockpiles of food. Certainly the King sent us here with something more? Not to mention, booze?! What if we run out. We don't even have a supply of... ugh... fresh water to keep us going. Maybe that's a blessing in disguise. I should see if Quin has ever done anything to make distilled snow.

-

The Maine Road is eerie. Snow just doesn't gather in that patch. Further, it's warm!? Sometimes, when no one is looking, I sneak up there to get warm. The cold descends so far into our caves that I just want to leave. And these cold rooms don't have any space for a furnace. This was a terrible choice by our King. I bet that Psychotic guy made him pick some place exotic so that if he succeeds, he'll be famous. All I know is that this is going to get us all killed.

-

My god, the site of the water buffalo was truly shocking. I tried to create art from it, but it was too gruesome for my sentimental heart. Just talking about it is making me sad.

-

Traders came today. Turns out my trinkets and stone work was the most valuable thing made in this fortress. It secured us anvils, picks, and some food. Personally, I'd have liked to get more booze. On my wall, I've been carving up images of us all starving to death, and then scratching them out. I don't want to think what'll happen if we turn into the Donner Party I read about in human history 101.

Winter 525

OH MY GOD IT'S SO COLD. I'm never going outside.

-

The Great Hall is a testament, I guess, of Psychotic's leadership skills. It's an impressive display of grandeur, except that it's still cold.

-

I checked out the hospital looking for warmth. I think they could use some of my trinkets. I fail to think what a sad dwarf might do if, let's say they are maimed, without more decorations in their rooms. Maybe I'll create artwork about fire. Might make me feel a little warmer, as well as provide better patient care.

-

The barracks are so loud, and who is that Genius Lynx guy. I'd never met him before moving here, but he seems like a complete schmuck. Sometimes he sneaks into my room, we are intimate, and then he acts like I don't even exist. Maybe it's the cold, or maybe he's cold. Sigh.

-

Our rooms are tiny. TINY TINY TINY. I guess they help to stay warm, but where's my cozy fireplace, or my storage. This is terrible. I just want to go home!

-

The mote is looking nice, despite that it has no practical use. I bet those Capy-baras could jump over it. I didn't want to upset Psy, so I didn't say anything. Instead, I'm working on stonework that depict the Capy-baras over running the entire fortress.

-

Ugh, Spring is almost upon us, but that's irrelevant, i've yet to see no snow on the ground and I doubt that's going to change.

Summary: I'm cold, miserable and underappreciated.

[Pike]

The barracks are so loud, and who is that Genius Lynx guy. I'd never met him before moving here, but he seems like a complete schmuck. Sometimes he sneaks into my room, we are intimate, and then he acts like I don't even exist. Maybe it's the cold, or maybe he's cold. Sigh.

In b4 Rule 34

[Psychotic]

Excellently done, Marick.

In other news:

***The Save is here!***

Eyesonia.rar

If you don't know what to do with it, put it in Dwarf Fortress 0.31.25\data\save

Whoever wants it can have it :}