SpoonProblems Back In The Summer of 256

Enterprise Baby YEAH!

Ok, so Spoonproblems was still alive and in it's second year and Spring saw us at a high point, population was up, goods and supplies were up, the resevoir was almost done. All we really needed to do was strengthen our military and begin real production at the fortress. And so with this in mind I set to work, Immediately I called Lonny BoB in to my office and held a meeting.

"Naw Lonny BoB we don't need to have a massive seam for ore yet! Haven't you seen the masses simply layin' around the Great Hall? What we gonna do with that if we get even more ore? We ain't even got somewhere to smelt it or forge gear yet! Heck we don't even have any fuel!"

"So what do you suppose Boss?"

"We needs to dig some more rooms! Thats where you an' Pike come in, I needs you to plot out some rooms for us, need to be relatively large cause they gotsa hold forges and well, forges are big!"

"Sure Boss I'll go dig some rooms! Digging is FUN!"

That one out the way I left him to go find a place out the way to begin his digging of rooms. I only hope Pike is controlling where they dig. Thankfully she showed up a little later with some plans...

"Um Iceglow? You busy? Kinda wanted to show you these plans here for the new rooms, christ why'd you ask Lonny BoB to make them? He'd have given you rooms ALL OVER the place! Always come to me, I had to beat him unconscious before I could plan them properly!"

"I'm always busy Pike but thanks, kinda forgot that Lonny BoB is a lil' insane at times, 'specially 'bout diggin' man he loves ta dig!"

"I'm a girl, don't call me man"

"Really? You got bigger muscles than most the fort sure yer not a man?"

"Just look at the plans and let me know, I'm gonna go do some digging on the cistern channel."


Pottery shops


Forge zone


Stairwell to the sand layer for glass workshops to go in (plans to come later, when we have better idea of what we've got up there)

I overlooked the plans laid out by Pike for the new chambers seems the girl has a head on her shoulders after all because she decided to plot out not only metal forge rooms but glass and pottery workshops too. I liked the plans and so gave my approval to all of them, new ways to use our resources for even greater production cannot be a bad thing, Pottery we didn't have much experience with this form of work but thankfully Old Manus claimed he did, I sent for him and told him about the idea and took notes as he told me what we'd need is a Kiln and that if the space was there he could build us a working one even though he hadn't done it before he knew enough about them to get on with it. Seems like we'll be producing a lot of things soon.

It seems as soon as I take my eye of something, someone else does something wrong. Informed by the carpenters Demon Dude and Raistlin that they could no longer make barrels for the stills as they were out of wood I sighed with exasperation, I mean, really? really? out of wood? There's an entire god damn forest out there go get some more lumber not like we're worried by a few pansy elves complaining and if it's Kantus complaining all the damn better!



Okay so maybe I shouldn't have left it to Demon Dude and Raistlin to decide how much wood they needed. They set out to chop down around a quarter of the forest out there. Thank the heavens I left a standing order for pots from our stoneworkers. Otherwise the stills would shut down and then we'll face my worst nightmare, life without alcohol.

I'd just finished working dealing with the bumbling carpenters who eventually convinced even me they'd get through the trees and thus the wood in short order (it was easier to let them get their own way, Demon Dude had a slightly crazed glint in his eyes by the end, I still haven't got a crossbow need to fix that ASAP in this place) When DK our militia commander kicked in my office door, why he kicked it in I don't know but he did so because he could I guess. I'll be getting a new door it seems. If he does this to every door in the fortress I'll have to get them made thicker and heavier or lever operated so he can't do it.

"Ice! So many new people! I want soldiers!" he practically yelled.

I guess he was still on a high from having ripped the cat Ingrish apart a few days ago, his first real taste of combat.

"I was goin' to get to that, though we had a problem with da lack of rooms an' the lack of wood got any ideas who ya want?"

"Yeah Bro! I thought we'd recruit Shlupquack (novice wrestler), Lekana (Adequate Macedwarf), Clo (adequate axedwarf), Genius Lynx (skilled axedwarf) they all got some skill with weaponry or their fists."

"A Novice Wrestler though ya sure?"

"Bro! Have you seen her hit Raistlin? Dwarf can barely walk straight when she does so! It's GREAT!"

"Ah yea, suppose theres that, fine tell 'em they're soldiers and to get to barracks, give em all rooms there"



DK's grin was almost manical when he turned in the sloppiest salute ever seen and left. So rooms are going in, wood is being cut, DK has soldiers. What else should we do? I walked around the fortress, the Elves were finally gone which was a blessing but I noticed our fortresses' surface area was very cramped with workshops and animal pens starting to go threadbare from over population. I needed to sort things out soon! First things first though we need an expansion!



Even I got involved building the wall directing it as we went when it's complete we'll open it up by taking down the wooden wall between the fort and the new area, we'll then reinforce it with a second layer of wall and some steps up and a fortification palisade around the top. I'm considering an expansion to the west or east too, we don't need a moat to protect the walls just the gatehouse but I'm sure Pike would find a way to expand it if needs be. Might need more people building walls though. Eventually those wood walls originally built need to be replaced, I don't want it burning down around me when those damn Goblins come back with fire arrows!

As if the party organized by my dear wife MILF wasn't fresh in our memories, Zeldy organized her own party in the great hall, I suppose until her forges are in I can't really blame her for seeking some entertainment.



Taken from the diary of Iceglow leader of expedition Spoonproblems, entry on the 4th of Malachite, Summer 256:

"Dr Quin Medicine Dwarf (or Idiot, whichever you want to class that alcoholic psycho as) came to me today with disturbing news, Melissaur who hasn't even been a member of the expedition for long has become Insane. Thankfully at this time her condition doesn't appear to be dangerous though we will need to watch her closely to ensure her melancholic mood stays that way and doesn't become berserk rage because all we need now is a dwarf going round trying to murder us, I ought to have some investigation done in to her background, see if she has a criminal record or history of violence back in the homestead."



So yeah Melissaur went insane and is going to try and kill us all. Good news everyone!

It also took me a while to notice the notifications that our stills have indeed shut down for the moment, the number of pots being made just wasn't high enough to replace the number of barrels Demon Dude and Raistlin provided thankfully according to our record keeper Psychotic, we should be fine so long as I get them producing again in time for the winter. We've got 828 stored units of alcohol. If anything we could do with more meat/fish/plants to eat. This adds another task to my jobs list: Expand Agriculture to meet demand or even exceed demand given. Once Old Manus has his kiln up and running perhaps he can help the stone crafters keep up with the supply demand for pots.

Less than a week after one of our members goes insane, more bloody migrants arrive. I'm beginning to think the King is merely sending us everyone here slowly. I'm seriously considering what we ought to call this fortress, the New Dwarven Empire or New Empire of Dwarves, NED for short, we shall all live in NED, fight in the name of NED!

Time for an update to the census I believe!

  1. Psychotic - Lover of Dr Quin,
  2. Iceglow - Married to I'm My Own Milf.
  3. DK - Lover of Red Pill.
  4. Genius Lynx - Married to Angelwings8
  5. Smitten Kitten - Lover of Champagne Supernova, Grudge against Devilman
  6. Pike
  7. Red Pill - Lover of DK
  8. Værn
  9. Shorty
  10. Angelwings8 - Married to Genius Lynx.
  11. Lonny BoB
  12. I'm My Own Milf - Married to Iceglow
  13. Jessweeee
  14. Melissaur
  15. Raistlin - Married to Shlupquack, Father of Devilman
  16. Rantzien
  17. Demon Dude
  18. Dr Quin, Medical Dwarf - Lover of Psychotic.
  19. Unbreakable Will
  20. Lekana
  21. Levian
  22. Rebellious Eagle
  23. Rubah
  24. Dignified Pauper
  25. Marshall Banana
  26. Fire Of Avalon
  27. Zeldy - Married to Laddy
  28. Wolf Kanno
  29. Old Manus
  30. Laddy - Married to Zeldy
  31. Champagne Supernova - Lover of Smitten Kitten
  32. Clo
  33. Rye - Married to Yeargdribble
  34. Yeargdribble - Married to Rye
  35. Eternal Essence
  36. Miss Lulu
  37. Guardian XIII
  38. Shlupquack - Married to Raistlin
  39. Devilman - Son of Raistlin and Shlupquack, grudge against Smitten Kitten
  40. Ashley Riot
  41. SuperMillionaire
  42. Devore
  43. Leeza
  44. Xalibar
  45. Bolivar
  46. The undead hero
  47. Mirage


Green ink indicates a new relationship/grudge formed. Orange Ink indicates a new member of the fortress. Not sure how Devilman and Smitten Kitten got in to a grudge but hell she should feel ashamed of herself, he's not even 2 years old! I'm now kinda picturing him as a Dennis The Menace type kid running around pulling pranks and Smitten Kitten is now the one he upsets all the time. Also noted she's shacked up with Champagne Supernova, sorry BoBa you're not getting the girl this time. Orange Ink indicates new members of the fortress, holy cow, 47 members and it's only summer in the second year! BoB might want to consider setting up more chambers at this rate in his year.

All of this occurred by the 10th of Malachite 526! Second post of summer coming up.