The EoFF Dating Game

[Heath]

Once you choose which of the three mystery participants you want to take out, then courtesy of Genius Lynx, we will take you down to IRC where you can get to know each other a little better.

DD, you seem to have confused 'dating game' with 'brothel.'

[demondude]

It's what the people want.

[Heath]

People don't want love and affection and acceptance from their peers. They want a remake of Final Fantasy VII or Nascar in 3D.

[demondude]

Heath will be our next bachelor.

[Heath]

Heath will be our next bachelor.

I don't want love and affection and acceptance from my peers. I want a remake of Final Fantasy VII or Nascar in 3D coke.

Also, I'm sorry to make all the ladies feel disappointed/extremely relieved, but I'm not on the market.

[Remon]

It keeps getting better and better *pops corn*

[demondude]

Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.

The perfect sandwich would be you sandwiched by me and Contestant B. If you didn't like you, you could just watch in the corner then.

Eye of newt and jack of ass
All these answers are very crass
Though you'd like a fancy lass
You'll have to settle for my sass

Wool of bat and rotten tomato
Your sandwich will includepotato
You'll have to eat it lying prostrate-o
Because it'll be full ... of crappy potatoes....

Toe of frog and sprig of thyme
I'm finding it hard to complete these rhymes
So let's just make your sammich short & sweet
I'll give you a place to store your meat.

You guys tell me when you want the round to end. If I have to read another one of those, I might not be able to endure much more.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I agree with Jake, this is about all the torture any of us can stand. I suppose now it's time to expose that my match made in intarwebz heaven is a mouth breathing 4um tr0ll that reeks of ferret and sauerkraut.

I suppose I'll go with contest B.

Contestants A and C, thanks for all the abuse. Your answers were also quite amusing.

DD, if you ever drag me into another one of these I'll beat you to death with a smurfing tire iron.

[demondude]

So Sharky has selected Contestant B. Sorry Contestants A&C, your personalities were too horrendous for somebody doing internet dating. Better luck next time Laddy and Northernchaosgod!


I am thrilled to announce, Sharky, that you will be taking out our wonderful fire_of_avalon. What a catch! Now usually we'd leave you two alone but because the involvement of the Eyeson community has been so productive so far, we're going to help you along on the date. I'll just go make the thread. I feel proud of you, big man. x

[Laddy]

[fire_of_avalon]

I don't smell like sauerkraut!

EDIT: Or ferret! (Had to check first, though.)

[Clo]

I'll participate. But someone's going to have to remind me on FB in two days that you all still exist.

[demondude]

I'll be taking a temporary absence soon so if somebody want to be a Love Guru for a round then give me the heads up. All you have to do is be an arsehole to the contestants - very much my specialty.

[Remon]

Wow he picked the woman

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Holy crap, I actually picked a woman! How you doin'?

Holy crap a woman actually volunteered for this! Time to go marinate in aftershave for a few hours and then borrow my dad's best suit. The pant legs are a little short on me, and the undershirt is too big, but I'll make it work. I look good in plaid, right?

A quick review of my favorites.

If I were a flower ... I would be a field of forget-me-nots so that when I blow his mind he'll have a place to start the remembering process.

It may not be a flower, but honeysuckle. So I can suck my honey all night long~

^^ I thought this was Julian, now it makes more sense, but still....




Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?

I would say, based on my previous experience, I'm fairly comfortable being in a situation where I lose all control, have a crowd gathered around me in semi-darkness, getting a little dirty and waiting for something heavy to fill my hole.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

Julian's ears are actually an amazing example of progressive evolution. Julian and his ancestors were all members of a species we call Creepsters. The culture of these ancient hominids is quite fascinating; you see Creepsters engaged in many forms of voyeurism to report back to their "bros" about the exploits of stronger, more sexually viable males. The Creepsters would discuss what they witnessed and attempt to replicate it for themselves, thereby tricking some wayward female into continuing their less than stellar gene pool.

Julian, were he a prehistoric version of himself, with his ears, would lean against walls to report the sounds he heard back to his tribe.

Also, you think you're having a bad day? I'm the one that has to look at you.

Let's face it, this whole thing pretty much won the contest. Ba ha ha!!!



Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

I once heard that Julian's ears double as both wings AND as satellite radio receivers. He's one step closer to the future that is cybernetic enhancements that most of us dream about.

You are a good sport, Julian.

Well someone has to listen to our sweet nothings, babe.

Oh, you sly devil!


If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

Insults are pretty played out, so I'd just physically kick you while you were down until you passed out to start it all over again the next day.

Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.

The perfect sandwich would be you sandwiched by me and Contestant B. If you didn't like you, you could just watch in the corner then.

Well played.

Eye of newt and jack of ass
All these answers are very crass
Though you'd like a fancy lass
You'll have to settle for my sass

Wool of bat and rotten tomato
Your sandwich will includepotato
You'll have to eat it lying prostrate-o
Because it'll be full ... of crappy potatoes....

Toe of frog and sprig of thyme
I'm finding it hard to complete these rhymes
So let's just make your sammich short & sweet
I'll give you a place to store your meat.

We have some funny people around here.

The rest of us are just funny looking.