at my office there is an indian girl in another dept. she's super tall and very unfortunately shaped, to be as nice as possible.

she has a terrifying crush on me that I may or may not have exacerbated (it doesn't matter) - in either case I don't dislike it like how the term 'creep' is used by women (ie if i call a guy a creep it's a signal to other women to cease wanting to mate with him), but it is a constant source of male-male ribbing.

anyway she also has this horrendous perfume. i know when she's around bc i can smell it from 20 feet away. ahhhh the horror.

she thinks she's witty by smacking me whenever i walk around (one time she smacks me right while I was talking to management....which leads to an off topic conversation about how there's people in my office (all females by coincidence, i'm sure) who have no idea how to behave). another time in band camp when i was talking to a colleague she comes up next to me, puts her arm around me and goes 'don't pg and i look like a cute couple?' i gave the person a look and he continued to troll me. yay -_-

Girl then asks me if it's okay if she kisses me. i tell her deadpan 'if you kiss me i'll get you fired'

i feel ill.