Jiro does FFI

[TrollHunter]

This is great, I'm enjoying this a lot.

[Jiro]

So our drug baron named King had finally shut up. It would usually be a time for a great joy and relaxation. What does Jorge do? HE GOES AND TALKS TO THE KING AGAIN.

I can't tell if he's just talking aloud or actually to us...


I would be worried if King had known Garland
was a child kidnapper and still let him babysit.


Once again.

Finally, King has shut up. Now Jorge, let's leave before anyth--

Hello Chancellor.

Fffffffuuuuu--

This is probably the oddest bit of information we've received so far actually.


We're going to talk to her anyway. I love strippers.

We left the fancy pants crib and started heading towards the exit. Of course nothing ever goes to plan, does it?

Can we look around for some free stuff?

Why do you want to look around for free stuff? You're a crap thief anyway, I'm sure you've got some kind of weird morality problem with taking free samples at the supermarket!

That reminds me, can we pick up some doughnuts when we get there?

Get where?

The supermarket Jenkins! WHERE ELSE?

This put Jorge in a pretty bad mood, so he decided to piss everyone off just so we could all feel as rubbish as he did. How did he do this? He spoke to every damn person in King's crib.

No sh</>it, Sherlock.


He reminds me of someone...


HE WAS THE GUY WHO SMASHED OUR HEADS IN.


Then we met this guy.

I like your hair man. I want my hair like yours.

Oh yes, let me style it for you Deedee, it'll look sublime~

You're not real good at taking a compliment, are you?

Jorge still wasn't satisfied. What is his problem anyway?
Is it just too hot under that hat of his?

GOOD GRIEF WOMAN WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR

Maybe she just likes the colour green! DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? Green is my favourite colour you jerk

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS URINATED IN HER HAIR AND THEN BLOWDRIED IT

I'm beginning to regret this now.

We met King's crack ho "Jayne" and...

ANOTHER ONE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE? DO YOU KNOW NOTHING OF STYLE? AS A CHIROTONSOR, AN ARTISTE DE LA CRINAL, I MUST OBJECT TO SUCH ILL TREATMENT OF ONE'S LOCKS!

What did he say?

He said let's keep walking Barry.

...whoops.


Uh oh...

THAT DOES IT. WE'RE GOING TO GO AND MURDER THE HAIRDRESSER HERE.

His name is Garland.

RIGHT, GARLAND, I'M GOING TO smurf YOU WITH SCISSORS. HAIRDRESSING SCISSORS.

[Rantz]

Yay, cut his braids off!

[Jiro]

While it was nice to have Laddy fired up and ready to kill, it was actually pretty hazardous to be around him at a time like this. His speciality scissors were now cutting the air frantically as he tried to contain his deep set anger. Jorge had a brilliant idea -- let's keep walking around talking to people. In fairness though, DD's suggestion was worse.

Let's go talk to that Jayne chick again.

Yeaaaah no.

We met this guy with an epic beard.

Those ancient weapons wouldn't be, y'know, free by any chance, would they?

BEARD....GOOD....RAGE...SUBsiding...

The Warriors of Light are here. The ancient powerful weapons are here.
The key is somewhere else. WTF were you thinking!?

Seriously, what were you thinking?!

Jorge tried to smash the door down. With his face.

Yep, okay, that didn't work. I feel really dizzy now could somebody please

We took Jorge outside to get some fresh air.

Once he was feeling better and not barfing all over his robe, we decided to head into Cornelia town proper.

BAD IDEA BAD IDEA

We decided to duck into the INN and avoid the wrath of Laddy in Hulk mode.

We found some more wise dudes with epic beards!




And Jorge proceeded to ignore them all.
Is he trying to kill us?

The sight of some sweet beards seemed to calm the rage in Laddy, and so we braved outside once more. It was... real green outside.

Do you have a smurfing problem with that, narrator?

Uhh, no sir. Good grief, everyone is so tetchy around here. Take some chill pills or something. Smoke a bud, it's green.

Are you wisecracking me? Because I swear man, I've had it up to about here with these jokes. You're always making fun of me for my name or my favourite colour or my job. My parents didn't love me, alright? They were too busy being popular on the internet.

Oh.

Sorry.

We found the stripper, so everyone was happy.

Blue hair, so lovely~

Yes, even Laddy was happy.

Could you, uh, do that dance one more time?

We really ought to be goi-- oh yeah, that's the way.

This guy was kinda emo. I don't know how,
the stripper was right there.


I tried to push Jorge in the well to see if that would make him
STOP TALKING TO EVERY FREAKING PERSON HE SEES.

We decided to head to the armour shop to have a little bit of a browse.

Qwert~ liked the guy's hat.


The = means your equipment is the same, or just as good!
I'm glad we were all wearing clothes.


The UP arrow means it's better!

We ended up buying some Leather Armour for Qwert~ and some Chain Mail for DD. Somehow it was all within our budget!

DD was eager to try on his new threads. Links. Whatever.

Then it was off to the store full of sharp, stabby things; Ye Olde Weapone Shoppe!

Laddy liked his rugged features, beard and strong comforting hands...


I will always call it a "Rapey-er". For, y'know, Rapeying.

We bought two Rapey-ers, one for Qwert~ and one for DD, and also a shiny new Hammer for Laddy. It was a risk, giving a guy prone to psychotic outbreaks a huge hammer, but we wanted him to be dangerous when it came time to battle Garland.

I was going to push Jorge into the fountain, but, eh.
Next time.


I can't tell if this is a black joke, or a reference to the vomiting earlier.

We continued following Jorge on his ever present quest to talk to every single person on the entire planet.

Look I have a problem ALRIGHT JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.

Sounds like a bit of OCD to me.

IT'S CDO YOU MUST ARRANGE THE LETTERS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.

Settle. the smurf. down.

Sorry.

MMM, SMELLS LIKE FORESHADOWING


I prefer ninjas, but a pirate is fine too.

We went to the item shop next.

The guy wears a teapot on his head.


We didn't buy anything, especially not sleeping bags. These slackers
are going to learn to rough it in the wild.

And then we went...to church.

And this track came on my iTunes.

-----

What goes on while our heroes are in the church? Is one of them -- *gasp* -- a heathen? Well all of them are, but that isn't part of the big reveal! The next instalment is jam-packed full of exciting information, so find out what really happens next in the next episode!

[Pumpkin]

It's very enjoyable despite the lack of shion.

[qwertysaur]

I think the last image is incorrect, it's the item shop screen again.

Also Jorge forgot to go to the magic shops. He needs the power to burn things!

[Jiro]

Good spotting qwerty! You might have failed as a future-father already, but you've got a keen eye

Don't worry shion, I'll name an NPC after you or something

Oh, and don't worry, the magic shops haven't been forgotten

[Pike]

We decided to head to the armour shop to have a little bit of a browse.

At first glance I thought this said "have a little bit of booze" and I thought it was appropriate

[qwertysaur]

Good spotting qwerty! You might have failed as a future-father already, but you've got a keen eye

Don't worry shion, I'll name an NPC after you or something

Oh, and don't worry, the magic shops haven't been forgotten

We played extreme hide and seek with qwert~ where we hid the cookies from him and if he got caught he would have to only eat Adachi's cabbages while Ameno-sagiri watched. The games allowed him to be quite quick on his feet, but made him a bit wary of cabbages I'm afraid.

Shion and a special mystery person should be the traveling magic shopkeepers!

[Laddy]

DIE MOTHERsmurfER I GOTS ME A HAMMER!

Oh, and this is simply amazing, Bless you, Jiro.

[qwertysaur]

I am getting a reading from the future. Jorge must take caution after seeing the lone wolf, for it preludes the attack of the servants of death.

[Jiro]

You guys have no idea how tedious it is to upload these images on my internet. I promise you, a new entry is coming soon, I just want to upload all the images I have so far.

(I just made it to Pravoka and I'm already at 163 xD)

[Pumpkin]

Well you'd better hurry it up Jiro, because I refuse to eat until you add to this.

(SPOILER)I'm not serious about that.

[Jiro]

We left our party in the church with some dramatic music playing. That was all an unnecessary cliffhanger, because absolutely nothing goes on here.

No need to worry. Yet.

Jorge was adamant that we talk to everyone. He didn't want to miss any information or clues, hints or even treasure. Everybody else just kind of followed him, shuffling their feet and looking at the ground as he barged into people screaming HELLO MY NAME IS JORGE TELL ME YOUR INFORMATION CITIZEN.

Another victim of Garland's barbershop.


He doesn't sound convinced. Cheer up dude,
we're here to save the day.


Sounds like Lukahn liked his herbs.
If you know what I mean.


This guy is a trainee sage. You can tell because
his beard isn't huge and grey.

And then we remembered a vital piece of information. Nobody had brought the smurfing spellbooks. So off we went to buy some new ones. The Black Magic store was first.

You could smell the tension with a knife.

We meet again, Martyr.

Who the heck are you?

You're.. you're kidding, right? It's me, Jorge! We went to Magic School together!

Right, you're the weirdo who always said he was going to become a barbarian and that magic was tit.

...Yeah that's me.

So what can I do you for?

Just a fire spell for my friend uhh, uhh, well see he's a red mage and uhh yeah just one fire please.

After that showdown between two old rivals, we headed onwards to the White Magic store!

I like her jugs pots.

Hello brother dearest!

Who are you talking to, you crazy woman?

Sister dearest!

Oh boy.

Everyone, this is my sister Lassy. We're twins, would you believe it?

Pa thought we were both going to be girls so he tried to name my brother Lady!

So is Lady his real name or what?

I don't even care, I'm calling him Lady from now on. Hey Lady, watch out for that goblin. hahaha I'm such a dick

Okay Lassy just gimme a cure spell and we'll be on our way. Gosh why do you always have to embarrass me in front of my friends I thought maybe DD and I could be something special but you went and ruined it.

And with those two awkward encounters, it was finally time to g--

GO TO THE SEASIDE.

They left when Laddy offered Jorge a pair of
speedos to swim in.

It was then time to get on with the mission. This is too much effort sometimes, I don't know why I bother. I should follow around that stripper girl instead.

A Goblin Guard seeking revenge for our
wanton goblin massacre earlier.

And then it got worse.

Much worse.


Jorge turned up the heat!

The battle was fierce, and Jorge found himself wounded quite badly. But it was Laddy to the rescue!

The sparkly balls of light rescue!

Qwert~ and DD did not want to feel left out of the fight though!

DD really wanted a new myspace photo too.

The battle was soon won, and everybody felt stronger for it. TIME FOR FANFARE MUSIC.

Obviously I love Qwert~ just as much as his parents, because I forgot to screenshot his level up.

And with that, the first boss battle is completed!

Uhm. That wasn't a boss battle. There was no cool death effects or sounds or anything.

So it was just a really really hard ordinary encounter?

Just because you almost died doesn't mean we found it challenging.

Onwards, then? We took a look at the bridge.

Honestly, we could jump that gap.


We found this weird ass cave too.


At the level up, I gained a new ability.
I can see place names in my photos now!


We met a crazy guy who spoke in tongues.


Apparently this decomposing skeleton smelled bad.
Go figure.

We left the crazy cave and headed north some more. The Chaos Shrine was in sight now, but there were still some challenges to be faced.

Like spiders.

My favourite thing about spiders is that DD is afraid of them. He's like Ronald Weasley, except instead of being cute, British and ginger, he is only one of those things.

We beat up a lone wolf. I gotta bad
feeling about this.

And then there was the moment that changed our lives forever.

HAHA EAT tit AND DIE JORGE!

Ahem. Jorge was beaten senseless by a pair of skeletal warriors from the realm of the dead. I don't know how they were walking around in sunlight, I thought they were like vampires and burned up. Or at least sparkled, or something.

But with Jorge KO'ed, the party retreated back to Cornelia. They had to pray for Jorge's safe passing into the next life.

No, that's cool we'll just pray for him.
Oh alright, fine...


On second thought, nah, it's cool. Out of our price range.
Aw fine just make it quick.



That was a little too "magical" for a church if you ask me.

And then, after much ado, it was time for our journey to begin proper.

Under new guidance. With a new champion.

Everyone, please welcome the new party leader.

Minasan, let's do our best and try to win!

[Laddy]

Oh yeah, we're bad!