With Qwert~ in charge, there was a change of pace for our heroes. Qwert~ didn't want to be throwing away his precious gold to revive Jorge all the time, so he created an intensive fitness program called "beating the tit out of monsters".

You are not going to bed until you've all reached level 5!

You're a cruel and twisted man you know.

Shut it you wimp. You want to be a leader, then show some determination! FIGHT FIGHT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT. Garland is not going to simply keel over and die when he sees your face, so you need to be stronger!

And true to his word, once they hit level five, the party returned to Cornelia to rest up for the big day. There was no rest day, to give the party's muscles time to recover from their training regime. No, he didn't want to be late.


Going to sleep is almost as expensive as coming back from the dead!

Qwert~ was running a tight ship, with a lot of rules and regulations. He was a particular fan of formations.


Light Warriors, prepare for sleep!
(They also did a celebratory cheer when they woke up.)

And now, with our party feeling refreshed and eager to face the challenges of the day ahead of them, it was off and onwards to the Chaos Shrine at long last.


This is the most ominous building
I have ever seen.


It's falling apart on the inside too.
Great.

Hold on one gosh darn minute guys.

Do we have to stand in the idling formation or loitering formation?

No it'll be the important mission update formation.

Ahh, good point Janus.

Can you smell that?

Has a bat defecated on you?

No! I smell...TREASURE!

(Qwert~ gained the Treasure Sense skill!)

To the left, follow me!


Just don't forget to equip it like I did.

Now to the north!


Now we can play spin the bottle in our tent!

To the right, which can only be east if north was up!

That was an unnecessary clarification.

Did you say something DD?

I said "yay treasure".


Both the top-right and bottom-right doors are locked by the stupid Mystic Key.

Then it was time for the ultimate showdown.

After we fought our way through all these damn monsters.


Jorge got revenge on the skeletons.


King should be worried about a zombie outbreak
so close to his place.


Ghouls are basically super-zombies.
Fire still burns them!


I regret killing those wolves earlier...

After all these battles, we actually made it to level 6 too, so we were feeling super prepared to take on the definitely evil but maybe just misunderstood Garland.

In the centre of the building, in probably the most ominous room in the most ominous building I have ever seen, Garland awaited us. Well, he was really just kind of dicking around and we were a complete and utter surprise.


Is being a drug king pin really that cool? Also, note to self, don't discuss plan out loud to myself.

Yeah hi. We're the Light Warriors, and we're he--

TO MURDER YOU FOR BEING A RUBBISH HAIRDRESSER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HAIR DO YOU? I BET YOU'RE BALD UNDER THAT STUPID PURPLE HELMET. THE TIME FOR DISCUSSION IS OVER, IT'S NOW HAMMER TIME.


I SAID STOP AND HAMMER TIME.


CUE BATTLE THEME!

So yeah, some tit happened then. It was a pretty easy battle, considering our fighting prowess and Laddy's rage. I swear he damn near cut off Garland's head with a hammer.


How we started the fight and || How we ended the fight (with Garland disintegrating!)

The battle was won, we celebrated a bit lot and then we perched creepily over this unconscious and probably sexually attractive female.


I hope the bats haven't defecated on her.

----

What will happen to Princess Sarah, the young defenceless girl collapsed on the floor? Will our party members be able to fight off the hordes of bats to protect her, or will they become the bats themselves? (Hint: Neither.) Tune in next time for Episode Six; I'm on a Bridge Mothersmurfer!