We stood on that bridge for what seemed like an eternity. Obviously it wasn't; the world hadn't gone into meltdown yet, so our mission was still on schedule. Why're we doing this again?
We're the only ones who can! Plus, Princess Sarah might like me a bit more if we save the world 
It's just something to do.
There might be more evil hairdressers out there. I have to put a stop to their reign of terror! I also must find one of these crystals to bring back to Andy 
I like my steak medium rare. If the world goes to hell, there'll only be crispy steaks. Hell no. Hey that was a pun!
Anyway, it was time for us to wander onwards. We weren't really sure where we were going, but I remember that one guy talking about pirates. Everybody loves pirates, so we were heading onwards to Pravoka!
Where is that, again?
East. Ish. We'll figure it out as we go along.
Right.
We had to fight some battles along the way, big surprise. We were on a high after our defeat of Garland, but things were certainly a bit tougher on this side of the bridge.
That ogre's club was as thick as my whole body...or DD's skull. Hey! |
| The wolves and goblins were teaming up against us now!
Eventually we made it....somewhere.
Sounds legit.
Uh, hello? Anyone home?
Does anyone hear...sweeping?
There are spiders in caves. Can we leave now?
Can't say I like the decor. Purple is in this season though!
Huh, guess nobody's home. Treasure time!
Oh tit, we're spotted!
Disregard that, all systems green.
Poor woman can't see a thing! No wonder her decor is so bad!
Crystal eye? Sounds like treasure. I wonder where we can find it!
You lost me at crystal.
I mean what's with this rug, it's like ten metres across! Buy some carpet!
If she's just lost it, it must be around here somewhere!
Oh.
Well I guess we're not finding any treasure here. We'll come back later and see if she has anything to borrow.
yer certainly a lot better at being a thief these days.
Yeah, like you've got less...morals or something.
Huh. I don't know, but I've had this insatiable itch ever since we opened those treasure boxes a while back.
Oh god he's a klepto. Just don't steal my robe, okay? Just leave the robe alone.
Whatever, let's just leave.
That damned swishing again!
Ambushed by magical talking brooms. Not how I imagined the end.
They seem to be speaking in some sort of code...
I speak the language of cleaning, I know the answer!
Yeah okay just be quiet a minute and let me figure this out. There's some scrap paper in my back pocket...
Wouldja look at that. A damn map!
He said B Button Select. It's how you find the map.
Hey yeah, that's written on his back pocket!
Don't be stu-- so it is! Well isn't that a good bit of luck?
But I figured it out 
Now that I've found the map, we can go to Pravoka!
Of course, there were more battles along the way.
Good point, narrator. I'm glad we talked to Mr. NCG Greenhawk. Let's rest up at the inn!
Time is of the essence? Nonsense! Sleep on it 
Much better. Now let's make sure we're properly outfitted!
WHOO SHOPPING TRIP!
Ewww, that Iron Armour makes you look fat.
And metal.
Laddy was still sulking about the map incident when we went to the White Magic store, so we didn't buy any new spellbooks for him.
I was not sulking.
Well, I guess he just didn't like the spells then.
Exactly.
Jorge, on the other hand...
I am smurfing invincible now. I have Blizzard, for freezing the enemies' ballsacks off.
wat 
I have Slow, so our enemies will move like snails and I can run around and moon them.
srsly wat
And I bought Temper so I can make DD hit harder. He hits like a pussy at the moment and that'll be no good if a boss comes around.
Come here and say that Marick, I'll show you what I can do to yer ballsack.
SRSLY WAT
I did not mean that as it sounded. Honestly. Oh smurf. Ohhhh smurf.
You were saying? 
Alright let's just get back to the shopping. We upgraded weapons too. Qwert~ got a Scimitar.
I might be able to trick the pirates into thinking I'm with them!
DD got a Broadsword, because the Battle Axe was too heavy and slow. Jorge was rustling around in the backpacks and decided Laddy's old Staff was cooler than a Knife.
I'm a barbarian for crying out loud, a tiny little knife looks stupid. Now I can bludgeon with this lump of wood!
We all got Leather Gloves too, to keep our hands warm during the cold nights out in the wilderness. There was also the high five incident...
You promised not to talk about that.
I'm not talking about it! Honest! I just mentioned it! I'll stop, chill out, it's okay!
We'll see. If I could see you, I'd steal yer wallet.
We sold our old Rapey-ers, Knives and the spare Clothes.
What am I going to wear on casual Friday?
It's No-Pants Friday.
Oh well that's easy.
We didn't have quite enough to buy Iron Armour for DD, and because he bitched and moaned about it, we went out of Pravoka to hunt some monsters for more gil.
I can't hear the battle over the sound of the looting and pillaging.
With all of that taken care of, we headed back into town for our showdown with the pirates. NCG did promise us a reward if we took them out, right?
Killing is its own reward.
That is really smurfing morbid.
Sorry, I didn't get my cornflakes this morning.
On the subject of keelhauling...
9v4? yer brave to take on Jorge the Barbarian with those odds!
I'm gonna moon ya, I'm gonna moon ya.
And BAM, the ballsack's gone! No seriously, stop that tit.
Not pictured: Laddy saving everyone's (mainly Jorge) asses with Cure.
Ha ha! That was an easy fight.
Ha yeah... yeah it sure was! ...ha ha. *wheeze*
I don't know if we can forgive you that easi-- wait a minute, did you say we get yer ship? All's forgiven!
Now at least one of my childhood dreams has come true.
(One day I'll meet you Batman, one day!)
Alright, where should we go first?
Steakhouse.
Who cares, let's just sail! I can be like a VIKING now!
Shouldn't we like, say thank you or something?
Ugh... fine. Let's say thank you to Bikke.
No you can't have the boat back. It's mine!
My precious.
It's good to know that killing a man's friends can
help him turn his life around.
...I did until you said that.
Anyway, as we were walking and discussing where to head next, this random sage who wasn't standing there before came up and was all in our grillz.
It's no "would you kindly", but it might just work.
So, where to?
We head west.
For Melmond.
----
Will our brave Light Warriors make it to Melmond? Have they forgotten all about their Crystal Quest of Convenience? And what of Matoya's crystal eye? This is a tale of many questions, and few answers! But find out more in the next episode; Sailing On The Seven (Give or Take) Seas!
Hey man, thanks for doing these little updates at the end of each entry. It's nice to have it all sort wrapped up nicely, and let's everyone know what to look forward to next time.
Yeah sure, it's no problem. Just happy to be of service to a fellow disembodied narrator!
Hey, you and me should get a beer sometimes. I'm sure the Light Warriors will manage to survive that long without us looking after them.
Sounds like a date! ...No homo.
No homo.
(Hey, I heard that! 
)
streme Wheelie
Episode Seven - Witches and Pirates!
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