Get a #^%$@ JOB!

[Martyr]

Whenever some selfish, lazy loser comes and tries to pull the Sympathy card for cash, food and other prizes, I like to imagine what I would do if my life somehow got totally smurfed.

Basically the game is, based on what we know about our environment and how smart we think we are in given hypothetical difficult situations, and given that we have nothing but the clothes on our backs (and they're too grimy looking for us to go in and apply for a legit job) and we don't get to rely on current social connections or special skills (it'd kinda be cheating if I hopped on a library computer and wrote articles for money because not everybody knows how to do that):
How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

For me
I've been around town some, so I know where I can get some tomato picking jobs no matter how ugly and stupid I look. I know a place that gives away all it's expired bread when I ask. Usually, for 5 bucks, they let me fill my truck with it to feed my cows, but I'm sure they'd kick me a loaf or two that hasn't molded yet if I asked nice. They just need to get rid of it.
If I worked late night weekends before the farmers markets down south, I could probably pull in at least $200-$300 per week, and way I see it, I'd only be sleeping in the fields for about 2 or 3 weeks before I could get a room somewhere. But that'd be backbreaking hard work, especially since I'm so dang tall. If I got lazy and used to sleeping on the ground, and if I managed to save a hundred bucks and then put stuff into a bank account (instead of burying my cash under a rock somewhere- heaven knows I ain't sleeping with cash in my pockets), I might sleep outside a little longer just to save money, I think. I don't know how I'd respond if people attacked me while I slept though. I might sleep on the train.
I'd give myself 2-5 months before I had a pair of slacks and a job at McDs, only one step away from the American Dream.

So... Does anybody else have this figured out?
How would you lift yourself up out of abject homelessness and poverty if you suddenly lost everything?

[Jiro]

I have a lot of people I would forcefully mooch off. Every branch of my family except my immediate family is dirt rich too.

[Laddy]

Oh god there is literally no way to get a job for me right now.

Me? That's okay, I'm only 17.

RICH!? Oh Jiro, will you marry me?

[Peegee]

Let's see - so my car gets repossessed and i lost my job and stuff?

if i had my job but was homeless:

malls are open until late. The washrooms are free running water for bathing. The power plugs let me charge my laptop for emergency use. Free wifi at various places in downtown toronto (colleges, starbuc..wait not any more), a controlled diet prevents overweight-ness, and there are enough parks to afford me exercise via calisthenics. toronto has a plethora of free sites to entertain

if i didn't have a job:

welfare.

no jk. i would trek up north and settle near huntsville. I'd bring my fishing rod and just live as a hermit.

[Pike]

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

[Martyr]

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

Aww. But couldn't you dare to dream? Sometimes a little game and a little bit of imagination can show you the way to a door you haven't opened yet. And a little hope can give you the courage to open it.
(SPOILER)and bad luck can get you kicked out from wherever is inside, but I'm just sayin'

[Jiro]

I missed the part about two grand in the bank. I'm only there at the moment because I'm using my scholarship as bank food instead of buying my textbooks.

[Pike]

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

Aww. But couldn't you dare to dream? Sometimes a little game and a little bit of imagination can show you the way to a door you haven't opened yet. And a little hope can give you the courage to open it.
(SPOILER)and bad luck can get you kicked out from wherever is inside, but I'm just sayin'

That's actually a pretty legit response I'd probably get in to working overnights at Wal-Mart and then also work a day job on top of it. Not here, because here all the people who work overnights at Wal-Mart speak other languages and I don't, but back in Montana I could probably do it.

(SPOILER)That glorious feel when I'm moving back to Montana next weekend

[Loony BoB]

I have income insurance. So if I got made redundant, I'd still get paid, basically. So I'd need to either resign or get fired in order to get to this situation. At which point I would naturally mooch off my girlfriend while applying for other jobs. *shrug* She did it to me for years, it would be entirely justified. *nod*

Also, I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think I can get the dole if I got fired. I am, at the moment, a mere 'resident' rather than 'citizen'. I have a visa which I'm pretty sure the UK government would be quick to remove should I start claiming benefits.

[Psychotic]

I would claim JobSeeker's Allowance as a source of income. Then I would visit the local authority, ask for a list of private landlords, and find a private room to let. I would then get the local authority to put down the deposit through the Rent Deposit Scheme. I would then claim Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit so my rent and Council Tax is fully paid.

There's a roof over my head and a source of income. Can you tell that I do this for a living?

An actual job and 2 grand wouldn't be easy though.

edit: BoB, I am pretty sure you could claim contributions-based JSA for 6 months as you have presumably made national insurance contributions. Don't quote me on that as I don't deal with many FORNERS! I am also fairly certain you would not be able to claim income-based JSA as Danielle would be expected to support you. And yes, that is stupid.

[Peegee]

How long do you suppose it would take for you to have a proper home (bathroom, place to sleep, place to store clothes/objects), a steady job of some sort, and about 2 grand in the bank?

Dude I haven't had any of this in 27 and a half years, so I'm not going to give myself very good prospects in this little game

One of the unrealistic pieces of 'advice' I usually get is to save a ridiculous proportion of your income as emergency money.

Now, either this is unrealistic or unreasonable or impossible for some people, so a better piece of advice: generally you will come across various issues in a year. If you can avoid this for some reason (like in a certain eoeo thread), SAVE YOUR MONEY

save your money like your life depends on it, because you never know when something will happen to cost you 100 something percent of your after expense, after tax income.

If however that never happens, you have worse things to worry about, and may need to consider different options. Living paycheque to paycheque will not afford you escape.

[Old Manus]

I would claim JobSeeker's Allowance as a source of income. Then I would visit the local authority, ask for a list of private landlords, and find a private room to let. I would then get the local authority to put down the deposit through the Rent Deposit Scheme. I would then claim Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit so my rent and Council Tax is fully paid.

There's a roof over my head and a source of income. Can you tell that I do this for a living?

An actual job and 2 grand wouldn't be easy though.

edit: BoB, I am pretty sure you could claim contributions-based JSA for 6 months as you have presumably made national insurance contributions. Don't quote me on that as I don't deal with many FORNERS! I am also fairly certain you would not be able to claim income-based JSA as Danielle would be expected to support you. And yes, that is stupid.

The Daily Mail would be proud.

[Psychotic]

Why would the Daily Mail care about little old me? I mean, sure, I'd have the audacity to claim benefits from a fund that I've paid into through taxes, but I'm not a single mum gypsy asylum seeker member of the royal family or anything. (LOOKIN' AT YOU, SARAH FERGUSON)

[crashNUMBERS]

anyone else had a cowboy accent suddenly speak to them when the thread starter mentioned he bought bread for his cows?

[Martyr]

anyone else had a cowboy accent suddenly speak to them when the thread starter mentioned he bought bread for his cows?

You can call me Martyr