They sewed the pockets to my butt? I knew Julian was no good.

Granted. Your feet become the most beautiful things in the world, and everyone spends thousands of dollars to catch a glimpse of them. Even hipsters have to agree that your feet are the most amazing things on the planet, despite how mainstream they are. Somebody gets jealous of your feet and parks your car on the roof, where the spare tire somehow makes its way out/off of the vehicle and falls from the top of the building onto your feet, ruining what was once the most beautiful thing anyone had ever seen. Realizing that they will never be able to see an object of such beauty ever again, millions of people kill themselves, and its all your fault.

I wish I wasn't such a jealous person in relationships.