My Bed

Just think how useful that would be. It could tell you when your sheets needed changing. It could keep count of all your conquests. You could even have it talk dirty to you while you are enjoying some "alone time".

I think I'd like mine to have a high level of insecurity though...

(I get in from work one night)

Bed: Where were you last night?
Me: Oh, I fell asleep on the sofa watching a film.
Bed: Oh... how was it?
Me: Erm... it was OK?
Bed: OK?! NO, TELL ME EXACTLY! I WANT TO HEAR EVERY DETAIL!
Me: It wasn't as comfy as you, honest!
Bed: Forget it. I'm never talking dirty to you again!


Have I lost my mind? You decide.