Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment. At this time of year, it is important that we reach out to our fellow EoFFers to try and share the love. However, there are some members here who have certain… conditions which may prove troublesome when it comes time to exchange gifts, kiss under the mistletoe or even just serve up some ham or turkey.
These are our crazy compatriots, our psycho pals, our beloved bonkers buddies. My colleague Doctor Foa and I will now provide profiles on our somewhat sanity-challenged members.
Hypoallergenic Cactuar suffers from histrionic personality disorder, a condition in which the sufferer seeks inappropriate levels of attention and approval from those around him. Or from rabbits. Hypoallergenic Cactaur was brought into our facility after performing a public striptease before a group of lop-eared rabbits... and small children. It was, quite unfortunately, at an Easter Bunny convention, where a large number of costumed bunnies were gathered to discuss and celebrate their trade this past year. Just before the furious mob managed to lynch him, he was rescued and submitted for study.
Iceglow spends much of his time in our laboratory gazing fondly at mirrors and telling us about his latest female conquest... but the poor man hasn't left these halls in nigh on 8 months. Iceglow has what we call narcisistic personality disorder causing him to, shall we say, embellish specific achievements and set unrealistic personal goals to maintain the illusion of self importance and personal pride. Be careful not to point this out to him, as he may launch into what he describes as his "Ultimate Butt Kicking Move" which is just him flailing around like a fish. If you do happen to provoke this, please pretend to be first taken aback by his ferocity, and then injured by his power. He's sensitive.
Jentleness for all her grace and charm suffers from dependent personality disorder, but expresses it in a very unusual manner. Instead of being dependent upon other people for emotional support her dependency rests upon the whiskers of her beloved cat friends. We believe this dependency may have begun with Jen's viewing of
this youtube clip.
We'd ask you take specific care in your interactions with
Peegee, who suffers from schizoid personality disorder. Peegee has lost much of his awareness of reality as we know it and spends most of his time in an elaborate fantasy world filled with Pokémon, poor grammar and dead European philosophers. For Peegee, Pikachu and Krabby converse with Descartes and Nietzsche on topics as varied as solipsism and being "jelly" of one another. While years of intensive therapy has improved his behavior, he will still sometimes violently assault newcomers, shrieking "PEEGEE SEXORS NEWBIE" over and over again.
Psychotic, bless him, suffers from extreme agoraphobia and can't even leave his house anymore without having a full blown hissy fit meltdown. He visits our facility twice a week to make fun of Iceglow and try to have some type of interaction with people. Oddly enough, this fear of leaving his home is likely what makes him such a charming personality online. Afterall, he has to get his interaction somewhere.
Rebellious Eagle. Was shipped to another facility. Sadly, we don't know what's become of her, really. She suffered from what we like to call "teenaged girl syndrome", a very common but communally repudiated disorder that elevates those afflicted to a rank of untouchable. Usually passes along with puberty, though our research is now at another facility. We, here at the Eyes on Final Fantasy General Mental Asylum For Those Who Are Just A Tad Unstable, wish her all the best.
Originally Posted by Delicious Murder
