The General Forums are generally regarded as The Best Place™, not just at Eyes on Final Fantasy, but on the internet in general. They were birthed when our Grand General Cid, otherwise known as Sean, or perhaps Our Holy Creator, decided there was more to life than just discussing Final Fantasy. You could discuss other things too. Different things. General things.
However, friends, neighbours, strangers, don’t be fooled by this fable, this fairy tale that we’ve all been force fed. The General Forums are
not generally regarded as The Best Place™ by anyone of any particular merit – get some citation needed on that tit! The General Forums are a hive of filth and villainy, and other generally bad and evil things – you can google the smurf out of that. It is with a heavy heart, a sweaty bro and suspiciously stained trousers that I introduce you to the True Face of Eyes on Final Fantasy’s General Forums and the dastardly villains who are the root of our problem.
fire_of_avalon
fire_of_avalon is our femme fatale in the form of Mystique! She can just into any form, and used her abilities to infiltrate staff. Through her seductive techniques, she has corrupted the staff of Eyes on Final Fantasy into giving the General Forums free reign to do as they please. I mean, who wouldn’t fall for the charms of a girl in tight red pants?
Laddy
Laddy is our resident Magnificent Bastard. He uses his charm, intellect and style to spread evilness throughout the world. The ladies want him, but he just tells them to shove off because he ain’t into that. You won’t hear him admit it, because he is far more intelligent than that, but he has plans to become the greatest man in the entire EoFFiverse.
NorthernChaosGod
This is NorthernChaosGod, aka Chaos or even NCG as he’s known in the hood. When he’s not at the gym working on his phenomenal physique, he’s doing drug runs across the border. Don’t let the horns and sharp teeth fool you though – he does have a softer side. His softer side likes kidnapping women and taking them back to his sex lair, which he calls the Chaos Shrine. A shrine to himself? Yeah, it’s like he’s Iceglow.
Pike
Pike had dreams of becoming a robot and spreading that robotic joy to everyone in the world. Then something went wrong. Horribly wrong. Now she’s an omnicidal santa robot hell bent on smurfing up everyone and everything that isn’t a bronie. Why? How the smurf should we know, we’re not highly intelligent robots. Pike is the heavy weapons expert in this den of devilry.
Psychotic
The Big Bad himself. Psychotic controls everything. He organises the lot, and then sits back and sips from his dainty little tea cup whilst chuckling to himself. He’s well past his prime though, and some might say his control is slipping. The greatest threat to the Psychotic Empire is Laddy, the young upstart with the flare and style crabby old Psychotic is just lacking completely.
sharkythesharkdogg
sharkythesharkdogg is a little bit of a misnomer. He’s not a shark, nor a dog, nor a sharkdogg. He does have a smurf load of sharp teeth and a passion for beating things up though. His signature trait is jousting using a high performance race car and a goddamn trident. Needless to say, if you joust against this guy, you ain’t coming back. Sharkythesharkdogg is the brawn. He deals with trouble makers and keeps the fuzz out of the General Forums. He’s also probably on his way to kick my ass right now. I can hear the engine roar now.
Or maybe that’s him.
ShlupQuack
ShlupQuack is the evil witch who just likes to terrorise people. She doesn’t care about anything except being a bitch. I mean seriously, what the hell is her problem? Her two little eel buddies hang around to give her little electric shocks to keep her face looking youthful and radiant. What a lunatic. These aren’t the only traits she shares with Ursula from The Little Mermaid. She also looks like her too. Don’t believe me?
Too bad.
So which of these villainous scumbags and pieces of titty dirt is the best at what they do? Well Award Qu knows. But I just want to let you know that I said the word General, or some variant of it, no less than 13 times in this speech. Why? Made sense at the time.
Now I have to flee the country before sharkythesharkdogg catches me. Adios bitches.
Originally Posted by Jiro
If there is anybody who is unqualified for writing this speech, it is me. I have not touched the blog feature at Eyes on Final Fantasy at all. I have commented, yes. But the last time I read a blog was a few weeks ago, and it was shaibana’s. If it were up to me to present the award, you would probably all accuse me of cheating or something. How could I ruin such a prestigious and clean event such as the Ciddies right? :rolleyes: Oh you guys. You poor souls who spend so much time nominating and voting when the competition is so clearly rigged.
I am more surprised that Yearg didn't make the cut. Anyway, go foa!
