And Now for the Main Course! December 2011 Ciddies Revelations! ALL DONE!

[Queen Award, First of Her Name]

24. Nicest Member
Nomination leader(s): Rantz Rantz Revolution

The Nominees
Jessweeee♪
Jiro
Levian
Pike
Rantz Rantz Revolution
shion
The Fresh Prince of Mel Air

[Raistlin]

Two deserving winners! I only didn't predict them because I didn't think the masses would be that smart. DK had my vote for Funniest, because he is always hilarious. And Cuch is incapable of making a post without calling somebody a bellend. :cuch:

No worries, just so I don't smurf this up. Could I have an example word that rhymes with your name? I'll use different words in your Limerick though! I'll even relate it to the ciddies in honour of this fine evening! (does anyone else type the word 'smurf' instead of 'that word' now or is it just me?)

"Raist" as in "waist" and "lin" as in "fin."

[fire_of_avalon]

That man has never been anything but an absolute rose to me.

[Queen Award, First of Her Name]

I was struggling to come up ideas for this speech. I had to ask for suggestions. “Define what Nicest means.” Well that is probably a good place to start, I suppose. I mean, it’s not as if any of you arseholes actually know what being nice is. Google has this to say:

nice/nis/
Adjective:
- Pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory: "we had a nice time".
- (of a person) Pleasant in manner; good-natured; kind: "he's a really nice guy".

According to our balance of nominees, you’re statistically more likely to be nice if you are an attractive North American female than any other type of person. You’re less likely, but still rather likely, to be a SUPER NICE GUY™ if you’re a Scandinavian male. Who is abnormally sexy. And then you’re a little bit less likely to be nice if you’re Australian.

Wait, what? Since when have Australians been nice people? You’re thinking of New Zealanders. Here is the same point in reverse. It’s on the internet so you know it’s true.

Now that we’ve got that sorted out, let’s think about why you weren’t nominated for this award. Chances are you’re either not an attractive North American female or an abnormally sexy Scandinavian male. If you are, then that’s just bad luck. Try being nicer, or at least try to be less of a jerk.

Think about what you’ve done in the past few days. Did you flip off an old man? Did you tip a trash can over a poor defensive little puppy? Did you steal a lollipop from a baby? Did you punch a nun, look up her skirt and then punch her again? Then you are probably doing it wrong.

Try to stop doing these things and you will be well on your way to becoming a nice person. Then all you need to do is become either an attractive North American female or an abnormally sexy Scandinavian male and you’ve got it down pat.

Good luck!

[Psychotic]

All the nominees for this Ciddie are jerks!

[drotato]

That man has never been anything but an absolute rose to me.

Same here.... Maybe it's because he's a lecherous, drunken old man?

Either way, he's still wonderful. (:

[Laddy]

Whatcha talkin' bout? The people are vile!

[Pike]

That YouTube movie in the speech cracked me up

[Queen Award, First of Her Name]

24. Nicest Member

Suspenseful, drawn-out revelation of the winner...

RSL....................................1
The Fresh Prince of Mel Air............2
shion..................................3
Levian.................................4
Rantz Rantz Revolution.................5
Pike...................................8

So that leaves Jessweeee♪ vs Jiro…

Jessweeee♪.............................9
Jiro..................................12

And the winner is…

Jiro!
Jiro is only nice once you get a couple beers in him. So, he's always nice.

[Pike]

Oh wow, I was sure Rantz had that one in the bag. Grats Jiro!

[Queen Award, First of Her Name]

23. Best Post
Nomination leader(s): http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-c...ml#post3016707

The Nominees
http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-c...ml#post3016707
http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-c...ml#post3027301
http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-f...ml#post3012807
http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-g...ml#post3011314
http://forums.eyesonff.com/writers-c...ml#post2998820

[Queen Award, First of Her Name]

A Limit Break was last generation's Full ATB move; since we all love Final Fantasy XIII, I know we are all on the same page. But to be sure we are all caught up, a Full ATB move is a killer move that can easily bring a battle to a close or at least make an enemy cry while they watch their stagger guage fill up faster than the Titantic took on water (I know, old person reference; I am sorry, young people.). But these moves are moves that break the limit of a person's potential, going into overdrive, and sends them into a trance state where everything is realized and nothing is left in the wake of it all. To be hit by something of this magnitude is to be blown away; a leaf stands no chance against the howling wind.

These posts mimic the experience for an online messageboard.

Locking it down, post #1 by Del Murder
Full text here.

Miriel had gone away for a girls retreat over the weekend. When she came back to our apartment, she found the place filled with these:

(SPOILER)

Then she was given a puzzle piece with a note:

(SPOILER)

Similar pieces were scattered throughout the apartment and she had to discover them all through a series of clues. Where could they lead?

(SPOILER)

After she got all the pieces she then had to put the puzzle together. Completing her puzzle revealed her prize: an impromptu romantic getaway to Lake Tahoe! Congratulations!

(SPOILER)

3 hours later, we were in Tahoe in a room overlooking the beautiful lake. We had a nice dinner, then rested up for the 'big day' (though
she didn't know it yet). The next day, we had a lunch of... you guessed it, tacos! After lunch I took her up to the Stateline Fire Lookout, one of the most beautiful and best kept secrets about Tahoe. The views were amazing.

(SPOILER)

The hike up was a lot longer and tougher than I expected (especially since I was carrying a cooler), but she was a good sport. And at the top, I brought out her favorite drink, apple cider, which never tasted better.

(SPOILER)

We had the entire lookout to ourselves. I looked into her eyes, and asked her if she wanted a present. She braced herself, knowing what
was coming...or did she? Probably not, because instead of a ring, I read her this silly poem I had been working on at her request:

http://forums.eyesonff.com/writers-c...r-my-head.html

I think that caused her to let her guard down, but my presents didn't end there. I next gave her this scrapbook I had been working on for
months. It chronicled our entire relationship. From the first pm I sent her at Eyes on Final Fantasy, to all the places we had traveled
together, and even included pictures of her dogs which complete our family (which she particularly liked). Near the end of the book it described what was about to happen next, because then I pulled out the final present...

(SPOILER)

Both of us in tears, I asked her to marry me. She couldn't speak, but she did nod. And that's how I got engaged.

(SPOILER)

Thank you Eyes on Final Fantasy for introducing me to the love of my life. I love you baby!

EoFF Limericks, post #31 by I'm my own MILF
Full text here.

There was a young lad named Jules
Who found himself always accused
Of lecherous acts
And quite lacking in tact;
But in fact he's an impotent mule!

There was a young man named Steve
Who could never really believe
That his fetish for poo
Was highly taboo
So watch out or your leavings he'll thieve!

There was a young lady called Pike
Who lamented the fall of the Reich
She signed up to Stormfront
To give Semites a punt
Though such violence is unladylike!

Edit: Steve limerick, alternate version.
There was a young man named Steve
Who found it hard to be brief
And he consequently became renowned for writing some extremely long posts that tended to ramble on and on and on even when everyone else had long since stopped paying attention and not even people as stubborn as Wesley could be bothered to wade through it all because dear god I know London's in dire straits right now but surely the man can afford a few commas and full stops and okay maybe it would be a bit much to splurge on multiple paragraphs but seriously he could have at least looted something useful back when things were kicking off couldn't he well I suppose that would be encouraging it but what if he won the lottery instead would he buy some then I doubt it if he won a massive amount on the lottery something like Euro-Millions roll over where the prize is like £120m then I guess he would probably first of all pass out with shock, that or actually piss his pants but it'd be cool because he could either pay for a hot private nurse to come take care of him or buy new pants. Perhaps he'd do both ;p Second of all he'd buy a nice apartment somewhere cool in London. As much as he hates the city, it's home so a nice docklands/central penthouse would be awesome, if he's going to live in this city he wants to have as much style as possible. Third he'd pay for my motorbike and car driving licenses and buy himself a nice motorbike in the 600cc range (no point getting anything bigger if you live in a city) and a damn nice car, thinking something along the lines of an Aston Martin or Lotus Elise, probably the latter because it's sexy as hell, small and yet awesome for a 2-seater. After he kitted out my London apartment he'd buy a nice house for his dear old mum, A decent five bedroom house for his sister and her kids and he'd buy his brother his own place.
Mind you that's all part of his charm really isn't it bless him we mock him day in day out but do we ever stop to think about what we would do without him I mean he just goes on and on and on endlessly about things like how he played some Ace Combat 6 instead this weekend, Ace Combat 6 was pretty impressive, he doubts however he will ever get all the achievements in the game, mostly because they involve some ridiculous amounts of multi-player and unfortunately last time he entered that there was hardly any games available apart from when he and JK-Trix went on and did the co-op missions together. Thankfully Dan has also picked up a copy so they can blitz stuff together on this. He has now completed the campaign using only attacker craft, dog fighting 64 - 2 in an A-10 thunderbolt mk2 is nigh on impossible but somehow he did it. The final mission was in a way, both easier and harder than he anticipated on that, using a Tornado jet bomber he was able to basically circle around the Chandelier and destroy piece by piece only breaking the loop briefly to dive down the maw of it's loading system to get the cruise missiles they were preparing to load in. He is currently flying through the game on Ace difficulty. He's mostly scored S ranks though to be fair he is using the most hax plane of them all the CFA-44 Nosferatu with the ADDM system (18 missiles each with 12 individual lock-on markers, targets can be air or ground or mixed between the two, each detonation is similar to the Nimbus cruise missiles used against you in that they basically will kill anything in one hit)
When he stops talking it's a short-lived reprieve!

Question Time!, post # by Bolivar
Full text here.

I'd be more than happy to answer some of your questions.

1) Lufia 2 made into an action RPG. WTF Square?

2) FF XIII and it's spinoffs. Once again, WTF Square.

3) How can you sleep at night after what you did to the Mana series?

4) Since you own Enix, why the smurf haven't we gotten a new Ogre Battle game?

5) How long till the second TWEWY?

1) You seem to imply that our company has somehow lost its way with the direction of some of our sequels. The truth is, Square Enix has never fallen off - our fans have.

2) Again, your reception of our games is tainted by your own compromised standards, and you probably experienced Final Fantasy XIII with "Western" expectations. Final Fantasy XIII is a visionary master work featuring unprecedented graphics, and is now available for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 systems.

3) Codine.

4) We appreciate your enthusiasm for the Ogre Battle series, but you may want to experience Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together for the PSP computer entertainment system. Featuring updated graphics, a new translation, and a brand new arrangement of the score, Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together for the PSP computer entertainment system offers a premium content package that's more than any true Ogre Battle fan could hope to have with a sequel. This strategy also aligns with our incoming Final Fantasy initiative for 2012, when we celebrate Final Fantasy's 25th Anniversary with a new, unprecedented, and unmatchable 3D edition for Nintendo 3DS, as well as the definitive, ultimate, unequaled High Definition edition for PlayStation Vita.

5) Unfortunately The World Ends With You did not live up to our expectations in the Western markets and no future games are planned at this date. However, if you live in Japan (which, given your eccentric taste in gaming, it seems you do), you will be excited to hear that we have renewed our agreement with Activision and will be publishing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 in Japan, the third installment in this spectacular, blockbuster franchise.

Project Zomboid, post # by I'm my own MILF
Full text here.

This is how I died.

Kate... I had to do it. I just couldn't protect us both in that house. Her wound was getting infected, who knows if the disease really would get into her? I couldn't leave her to die, I couldn't shoot her. I smothered her with a pillow. Gathered what few things I could carry and hoofed it across town.

I don't know how they knew I was in there. The windows were all boarded up. There was no more power to use the lights. I crept around. But after three days safely ensconced in a small duplex house, where I had managed to secure some decent supplies, I heard them. Hammering. Pounding. I went down to check; the door shook with each rotten fist that smacked against it. It would hold, it would hold for a long time, but they would get in in the end. And there was no other way out.

So I decided to do the only thing I could: I was going to fight. I waited, shotgun in hand, whiskey in belly, for what I was sure would be my end. And I won. I killed them all, there must have been thirty or so of them, and I destroyed them. Quickly, I boarded things up again and retreated upstairs.

Two days passed. Nothing. I didn't know how they had missed me; that shootout made more than a little noise. I guess all the ones nearby had already been attracted and then killed? I don't know. But I was running low on food and it was time to start thinking about what next. This place was... safe-ish, and it housed many supplies I had gathered. It would take two, maybe three runs to relocate everything, so I would either have to take a lot of risks, I would have to keep this as a base, or I would have to BAM! BAM! BAM!

How? How did they find me again? And why did it take so long? If any had seen me go in, or heard me shooting, they should have arrived at most a couple of hours after I retreated. I don't understand it. It doesn't matter; this place is no longer safe, the doors are falling apart and I'm almost out of wood to barricade them with. Okay. Only one solution. Take what I can carry, fight through the horde, run. Find another place to hole up.

Is this going to be the rest of my life?

I opened the door. Shotgun in hand. They poured in, a lot more than just thirty of them this time. Seventy, maybe eighty. The shotgun tore them apart, but it wasn't quite enough. They got closer. And closer. I avoided their bites, but a couple of them scratched me, one on my leg, one on my arm. I finished them off, went out of the house, and ran without looking back.

Found a small apartment. Had a zombie in it, took care of him with a baseball bat. Nice and quiet. Very messy. Looked around; enough food for a couple of days here. Saw to bandaging up my wounds, they weren't major but it was better to try and be safe than sorry. Took some painkillers and a sleeping pill once I had used the last of my wood on barricading things. Slept for about 12 hours.

Sick. Stomach churning, head spinning. Threw up in toilet bowl. Grim. Probably the infection, from a scratch or blood that splattered on me or something. No hastiness though. Don't be hasty. Took some more pills, ate more than I could really spare, found a book to read and enjoyed it by the evening light with a fair amount of booze. Not a bad day in the circumstances.

Sicker. Dwefinition the virus. Hear pounding, but door is holding. Another surviver they found? Just beating doors for no raisin? Don't know. Still reading, good book. Atwood. I like Atwood. Virus there too.

Sleep. Wake. can't see words now too blurry. bread andples not tasty. eat steak. not cook, tastes good, fills belly. Drink. Drink lots and lots. Okay. Get it together. Blaze of gory bob, blaze of glory. Load up. 65 shotgun shells. Bottle of booze. Another steak. Bat with nails.

Open door. quiet, eserted. Stride around town like the duke of new york. hardly any zombies. the smurf? where were they all they were ruining my last stand. SMurf it, going to get drunk. Found a bar, raided it, got completely smashed. pills too! might die of od hahahaha hope you all get poisoned by my corpes you smurfs

i dont rememberthe alst few days that's a lot of corpses and fire though what the hell oh god my head



4 itchy tasty

Smurf you [L], post #1 by Del Murder
Full text here.

Smurf you
sung to the tune of 'Fuck You' by Cee-Lo Green

--------------------------------

I see you posting 'round the forums
With the Ciddie I want and I'm like,
Smurf you-oooooo!
I guess my poem about blocks
Wasn't enough and I'm like,
Smurf you!
And smurf it too!
I said, if I had done more, I may have won more
Ha, now ain't that some tit? (ain't that some tit?)
And although there's pain in my wrist
I'm still gonna persist with a...
Smurf you-ooooooo!

Yeah I'm tender, that I didn't win Best Member,
But that don't make Jiro the chosen one.
I guess he's a Cid's Knight, and I'm more a pretender,
But being so likeable ain't fun.

I picture the fool that nominates you
(oh tit you're all so witty)
Well
(voting the old guy for the Papa Smurf Ciddie)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little e-girlfriend

I see you posting 'round the forums
With the Ciddie I want and I'm like,
Smurf you-oooooo!
I guess my poem about blocks
Wasn't enough and I'm like,
Smurf you!
And smurf it too!
I said, if I had done more, I may have won more
Ha, now ain't that some tit? (ain't that some tit?)
And although there's pain in my wrist
I'm still gonna persist with a...
Smurf you-ooooooo!

Now I see, that I can be funny,
Jokes and pranks and puns and more.
Trying to follow, how you can vote Psycho.
'Cause he hasn't made me laugh since 2004.

I picture the fool that nominates you
(oh tit you're all so dumb)
Well
(Loony BoB's about as cute as my thumb)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
It takes two active members to make a couple

I see you posting 'round the forums
With the Ciddie I want and I'm like,
Smurf you-oooooo!
I guess my poem about blocks
Wasn't enough and I'm like,
Smurf you!
And smurf it too!
I said, if I had done more, I may have won more
Ha, now ain't that some tit? (ain't that some tit?)
And although there's pain in my wrist
I'm still gonna persist with a...
Smurf you-ooooooo!

Now voters, voters, voters, how'd you mess up Best Avatar so bad?
(so bad, so bad, so bad)
I tried to tell Award Guy but he told me
"NCG's was just too rad"
(too rad, too rad, too rad)

I see you posting 'round the forums
With the Ciddie I want and I'm like,
Smurf you-oooooo!
I guess my poem about blocks
Wasn't enough and I'm like,
Smurf you!
And smurf it too!
I said, if I had done more, I may have won more
Ha, now ain't that some tit? (ain't that some tit?)
And although there's pain in my wrist
I'm still gonna persist with a...
Smurf you-ooooooo!

I do apologize; having to be hit by five of these lethally cool posts in quick succession is a bit much. Should you still live, pause a few moments to compose yourself before we carry on.

Now you know what a perfectly timed, perfectly phrased, or simply utterly hilarious post can do to a formerly normal human being. Do you feel changed? I hope so; the rest of the board may seem bleaker for not being written by Del Murder, I'm my own MILF, or Bolivar. Maybe, if internal bleeding stops, you can challenge the might of gods and also post as a king (or queen) might. These posts simply have shown you the limits of fantastic.

And then broke them.

[fire_of_avalon]

Come ooooon smurf you!

[Del Murder]

*hi5s MILF*

We have 4 of the 5 nominated posts.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I'm the third funniest! That's almost something worth remarking on, so I'm doing it anyway!

Congrats to our winners!