I am... immortal!

[G13]

Last week Winter decided to come to Spokane and we got about a foot of snow overnight. Not really that bad compared to how much snow we've gotten in the past, but it's posed a larger problem for me this year as I've been bicycling everywhere I need to go. Don't get this wrong, it's not a choice! Oho no, you see, I don't own a car at the moment, so I've little other choice. And before you say "public transportation, bro", just remember who lives in Spokane and who doesn't! I like my body rape-free, thank you.

Well, onto the story. I was on my way to meet up with some friends, bicycling as you've no doubt guessed. It was rather treacherous out, back wheel slipping and sliding everywhere, and I thought that if I could just make it off the main roads I'd be home free. After being plowed, the snow just piles up onto the sidewalks and makes them less than useful to anyone. And smurf riding in the street! I don't wear spandex and reflector's, and I don't do the hand-turn signals. I'm just trying to get somewhere, man.

So I make it off the main road and begin to pick up some speed. Soon I'm flying down the street at a comfortable 149,896,229 mps, and then I think to myself "Oh snap, what if I hit ice?" I quickly dismissed that silly notion and hit the breaks hard as my turn was coming up, because, in my opinion, if you're not burning rubber then you're not doing it right. Then my bike wobbled a bit to the left, and it was that moment that I realized... ice was only good for keeping drinks cold.

My body ragdoll'd, much like the Dovahkiin's does when a giant tickles him with its club, and my bike went flipping into the night. Pretty sure I actually yelped the word "TIT!" when I hit the ground. It literally took me about a minute to locate the bike after I stopped sliding on the pavement. The tires were flat, frames bent, the chain was off, it was pretty much un-rideable at that point, and all I had was a throbbing left hand.

Topic: What accidents have you been in that you walked away from without a scratch, which left you with the only possible conclusion as to how is that you must be from Krypton?

[Sylvie]

I was rollerblading when I was a kid down this stupidly curvy and steep hill. The reason I was doing this was because I thought Jet Set Radio Future was the coolest thing ever created. However, while rolling speedily around a curve, I realized that if I didn't stop myself from picking up more speed, I was going to get maimed at full force down at the bottom. Going pretty fast, I threw myself into the road's side-pit that was full of nothing but very sharp, fairly large, decorative rocks. Conceptualize: a bowling ball made of flesh, letting out a muffled scream, and bailing itself into the gutter before striking a bulldozer at the end of the alley. Good.

It hurt pretty bad and I'm surprised I didn't get some minor impalement type deal.


Also, when I was probably even younger, I went out in the snow with a snowboard, strapped it to my feet, and went down a hill. Since the pros on TV make it look easy, I tried to do a 360 by just jumping in the air while going down the hill and spinning. Conceptualize: A PlaySkool helicopter beginning to take off, losing power, and then toppling to the side and bouncing about the terrain until landing upside down. Good.

If I hadn't been forced to drink 3 glasses of whole milk a day by my mom at that age, I would've probably broken both of my ankles.

I'm pretty sure both of these experiences taught me how retarded it is to sacrifice both of your feet for extreme sports. Rollerblading is cool until you realize that as long as you have strips of wheels on the bottom of your feet, your chances of getting seriously hurt outside for transporting yourself is exponentially higher than everyone else who decided to keep their feet as an option. And snowboards just shouldn't be smurfing freely sold and given to 8 year olds. They're going to do something stupid. My friend used to strap on a snowboard and fly across his damn back porch off a children's plastic picnic table during the winter, and that's because he couldn't do it on his skateboard like usual. It was basically like standing there watching someone throw a skateboard at the railing back and forth and try to put their feet on it.

Click here to read about this kid breaking his arm I was behind this kid skateboarding and he straight up just fell on the ground and I went over to see if he was okay and he was screaming his face off, holding his now mutated arm in front of my face, screaming "I THINK I BROKE IT". I was laughing so hard, and then my friend's grandma just happende to drive by, so he basically skateboarded for 4 minutes, broke the absolute smurf out of his arm, and got a ride to the ER right after I got to watch how he handled shock.

You made me talk too much about my youth and the extreme sports I experimented with.

[Foob]

Wellll....I lit myself on fire once when I was 3. I was sat on a big recliner and I fiddled around with some matches then poof, dropped them on me and my pretty cotton dress. Myself, the entire recliner and the floor around me had time to burn by the time my brother found me. At the end of it all the seat was completely finished, but I on the other hand was mumified for a couple of weeks and came out of it without any scarring. So my consensus is that I'm immune to fiah!

[Chris]

When I was 4, I smashed my face into a glass table and it shattered into an infinite amount of pieces. According to my dad, it was quite horrific with blood and gore everywhere. That being said, I guess I got lucky, and I only have a couple of small scars on my face.

[Sylvie]

with blood and gore everywhere.

I think you have what it takes to represent a sprite in Mortal Kombat.

[Pike]

I was rollerblading when I was a kid down this stupidly curvy and steep hill. The reason I was doing this was because I thought Jet Set Radio Future was the coolest thing ever created.

I now feel old because that game came out when I was in college.

As for the thread topic: Once I slipped and fell down a fairly long flight stairs and yet somehow landed upright on my feet at the end.

I fall down the stairs a lot.

[Iceglow]

I was drunk in a night club, the night club had the type of stairs you often find in schools, steep and capped in steel plates and tiled in linoleum or something whatever it was smurfing lethal when wet. Add 500+ drunk people and London Weather and you can imagine the stairwell was never dry. I was going down the stairs with some friends drunk! Yes that drunk it needed an exclamation mark and being typed in bold. Anyhow I was carrying a full bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale down the stairs I had just brought and wasn't paying attention to anything other than my bottle and the girl coming up the stairs tits which were essentially on show because her top was very low cut and see through and she had no bra on, it was a goth club, did I mention it was a goth club? Anyhow I didn't watch where I was putting my feet because Ms Ihaveveryperttitsoutinpublic gave me a twice over a smile and gestured for me to go for a cigarette with her.

I promptly slip over on the wet stairs and fall on my arse sliding at a billion miles an hour towards the bottom where I will ungloriously have to pick myself up battered, bruised and probably not going to get a chance at the girl. So I thought fast, I decided to push off the stairs in to mid air as I slipped down my 3rd step. I was thinking fast! Yes that fast it requires bold and an exclamation. so here I went down and here I pushed off the step, it wasn't such a hot idea I'd forgotten we were at the top of the flight of steps and I had about 9 - 10ft to clear in terms of going forwards and at least 15ft to fall to get to the bottom of the stairs without landing in an even worse position of crumpled on the actual stairs with numerous broken bones. Everyone froze; Ms Tits, my friends, random strangers, the bouncers looked away in horror there was no way in anyone's mind, heck no way in my mind I was going to manage this. Deathly silence filled the stairway broken only by the cadence of pumping metal in the two rooms where the club was held. I'm there throwing myself out in to air still clutching my bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale, right thumb jammed in the top to stop myself from losing a drop. Picture this if you will, a skinny as a rake 5'10" tall guy with shoulder length black hair, goatee and mustache dressed in black completely, jeans, shirt, boots all black the only flashes of colour being the silver chain at his hip, the necklace round his neck and the silver of a belt buckle and ring. A bottle of brown ale in hand flying like he's smurfing batman down a stairwell as if he's leaping at a dragon with a smurfing pickaxe.

Amazingly I landed 1 inch from the bottom step on both feet, dropped to one knee and raised both hands up in the air Newcastle Brown Ale intact and not a drop spilled. The world is still frozen, Metal music pounding in my ears along with the heart that once resided in my chest. I bruised my backside yes the initial fall left a nasty bruise that wouldn't go amiss in a game of Tetris. I bruised my knee dropping to it so hard as my right knee buckled on landing but I was intact, unharmed...there would be no hospital trip for me that evening! Ms Tits (I honestly don't remember this girl's name, I was that drunk!) is standing on the stairs above me eyes wide open like "how the hell, I'm impressed!" my friends are literally agog like "smurf, Steve's ALIVE?" and the Bouncers are tenatively turning round and looking at me as I kneel there broodily hair whipped past my face a grin parting my facial hair teeth on show. The atmosphere hangs for around 10 - 15 seconds like "wtf did we just see" I'm just kneeling there like "wtf I survived?" before the bouncers led the way giving me a full on round of applause as I slowly raise up and take my deserved bow. I then promptly ran up the stairs and joined Ms Tits for what was to prove to be not only a cigarette. The conclusion is that I have somehow mastered the ability of flight. It is the only way to explain how I survived the fall.

[Quindiana Jones]

I would like to apologise on behalf on all cyclists everywhere for G13's actions. There are people like that. We don't like them either.

Anyway, every time I need to use A&E it's shut, so I have recovered from a lot of things with only painkillers and a good night's unconscious. Having said that, like Bruce Willis, I've never really had any really serious injury, just minor head wounds for the most part, so I either have the Unbreakable genetic mutation or I have a nine-tailed fox demon within me :sadbastard:.

[Peegee]

Stories eh

So I was driving my gf home and her house is at the to left corner of a street in the shape of a "P"

I decided to make the first right turn and accelerated into the turn. I flew down the street swerving up and down the curbs (on two wheels) going from one side of the road to the other. There were cars parked on the side of the street but I missed them all. Said GF was screaming like she was going to die.

I then pulled in front of her house and said 'okay there we are'. She walks out of the car and flips me the bird

wtf mang

--

Another time my car didn't gather enough traction so I started to slide into the intersection as I made a right turn. The person who was on the other intersecting lane was probably looking at me going 'wtf is he doing' as I slid all the way into the right turning lane on the intersecting lane, turned into the street facing the wrong way, waved at him and drove off

[G13]

I would like to apologise on behalf on all cyclists everywhere for G13's actions. There are people like that. We don't like them either.

That's not how other bicyclists do it?

[theundeadhero]

I'm not much for long stories anymore so I'll keep it simple.

I rolled my truck down a hill without a seat belt on and walked away without a scratch.

I got blown up by an RPG and walked out of with a couple of scratches and the lack of an ability to concentrate so well anymore after they pulled the shrapnel out of my arms with tweezers

[escobert]

Once a car drove into the side of my car. They totaled their big ford boat and I drove my saab home. but that's because Saabs are secretly tanks.

[Tigmafuzz]

Well I come to EoFF pretty often and I haven't died of syphilis yet.

[Freya]

I rolled a 3/4 ton truck three and a half times when I was 17. Ended upside down. I just was sore and had a couple scratches. Had I been in the passenger side... Well different story then.

[Pant Leg Eater from the Bad World]

I got hit by a car. Twice.