Quote Originally Posted by Chris View Post
I had some serious issues concerning my self-confidence, purpose and direction in life. I felt insecure about practically everything and I was constantly doubting myself in every single aspect of my life.

I have always been relatively nice to look at, or so people have told me my entire life. "What a cute child", or "you should try out modelling", and superficial crap like that. It seriously destroyed my self-perception..
I was right there with you till that self-perception bit. But then, my self-perception was shattered at age 6 on the death of my sib, so no one blame.
Media sure has been a help to me over the years I've spent wavering along the thin-gray-line trying to decide if my glass was half-full or half-spent. I suppose some percentile 'd attrib to GTF&JC at least in so much as I was raised to live life "not for myself" so I was forced to consider how my negative thoughts and feelings impacted those around me. Negative not simply implying strictly my negativity but the darkness I tried to hide through feigned happiness symbolized by dim laughter and half-smiles and a day-to-day goofiness I felt was required to lift the spirit of those around me.
For me, the problem with being the glue that sustains a complex construct such as family or community is one's susceptibility to feeling too responsible. The roles that others play begin to feel less important the more one believes they can't reveal the truth of what they're feeling. When you've no one to rely on for support through your journey whether your decisions seem right to them or not, that's the definition of loneliness. No matter how many people surround you and love you, if you don't feel they actively support you, they're meaningless.
I spent the better part of my life confiding in my parents. These many years later, only two others have gained my trust. Four still feels to me like a small number; I can't tell all of them the same things and there are some secrets I feel none of them will understand. But I have them. People to talk to. People I trust. Given the alternative... four is more than enough.
Point in fact, we all suffer, but we don't need to if we have the support of others and we rely on that support not as a crutch but as a... light in the dark.