I was so thoroughly smashed last night peoples. I was too smashed to even type things properly in to my phone.
Witness, text from last night:
"OawkAaatrddd I love! Alwayas, you're constantly awaiable in my vagina! Oi love you!"
........Happy frackin' birthday to me. And also my friend Emily, who is constantly awaiable in my vagina.....-insert slow clap here-