Why is Palmer so useless?

[Sephex]

Can you imagine how much money and time would have had to be spent animating the sweaty pores of Palmer's fat ass?

Worth every penny.

[Mercen-X]

*ahem* Bob Poundmax

[Hollycat]

You know what, I am actually going to stand up and support Palmer. Yes, he is a fat moron with a serious case of ADD, yes he gets hit by a truck. But look at this, he takes a TON of damage. He takes more damage than most bosses up to this point, meaning he is harder to kill than JENOVA, giant spiderant things, giant robots, and the zombie that nearly destroyed Red XIII's home.
And then, after being pounded on the party and mocking them constantly during the battle, he just merrily skips away, gets hit by a semi, and still survives. Either the party is a lot weaker than we think, or Palmer is one of the toughest guys on the planet. If he were more physically fit, he could probably replace cait sith, and be less annoying (however slightly) in the process.

[Jiro]

You pose a very good point. Palmer is a certifiable lard bad ass. I don't know why Palmer couldn't be the hero. That would've been awesome.

Save the planet in order to make your boss like you and support your space dreams!

[Sephex]

The problem is that Palmer has a Vicodin and Viagra addiction. But he has no woman so he whacks off furiously, but the Vicodin dulls the pleasure, so then his wrist gets all bent out of shape.

FFVII was a weird game.

[Jiro]

His suit did appear to have many weird blotches on it.

[Gamblet]

The problem is that Palmer has a Vicodin and Viagra addiction. But he has no woman so he whacks off furiously, but the Vicodin dulls the pleasure, so then his wrist gets all bent out of shape.

FFVII was a weird game.

This is why we can't have nice things!

[blackmage_nuke]

You know what, I am actually going to stand up and support Palmer. Yes, he is a fat moron with a serious case of ADD, yes he gets hit by a truck. But look at this, he takes a TON of damage. He takes more damage than most bosses up to this point, meaning he is harder to kill than JENOVA, giant spiderant things, giant robots, and the zombie that nearly destroyed Red XIII's home.
And then, after being pounded on the party and mocking them constantly during the battle, he just merrily skips away, gets hit by a semi, and still survives. Either the party is a lot weaker than we think, or Palmer is one of the toughest guys on the planet. If he were more physically fit, he could probably replace cait sith, and be less annoying (however slightly) in the process.

And all while doing a snazzy dance. Even when being thrashed near death he has the stamina to keep the boogie going.

[Gamblet]

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT ITS LIKE,
TO BE PALMEEEER!
TO BE A FAT MAAAN!
BEHIND LARD DISGUISE!!!

...

[Bubba]

Palmer Palmer Palmer Palmer Palmer chameleon...
He comes and goes...
He's got fat toe-oo-oo-oes

[Sylvie]

No matter how you like, Palmer is as Palmer be
But don't you worry darling; the truck made him an amputee.