Dragon's Dogma: The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors

[Madame Adequate]

Which of you people are playing this newly released open-world RPG? It's made by Capcom but it's a reasonably wRPG so far, as well as being ACTION AS HECK and also giving absolutely no smurfs about letting you wander into places you really shouldn't be with no warning at all where you can go ahead and get one- or two-shotted. Then I fell off a cliff and died, then I wandered into some kind of lizardmen nest and died, then I got completely overrun by about three billion goblins and died, and then I beat the crap out of a cyclops and felt like I was literally as hard as Iceglow.

Also I just hired a pawn named Carlton, a sorcerer who looks very much like Mr. Banks.

[Psychotic]

Also I just hired a pawn named Carlton, a sorcerer who looks very much like Mr. Banks.

Why, I also happened to hire this man. It's almost as if he is the pawn of someone who is on both of our friend's lists!

[DK]

I hope Carlton is very helpful for you. Please send him back with a nice gift for me

also yeah I love this game, it's great. Will go into more detail later, but playing fifa with pauw now so

[Psychotic]

Please tell me you also hired a giant man called Emile!

[Pike]

Hux has been playing on my XBL account, btw, in case you guys hadn't figured it out, so feel free to bother him Anyways I haven't given this game a shot yet but I've watched over Hux's shoulder and it looks intriguing!

[Freya]

Oh I was about to freak and say I had carlton too! How weird! But if it's Dan's it makes far more sense that we all saw him. I haven't gone too far yet because I've been working a lot but being an archer is freaking hard. Those lizard men also killed me. Pretty fun game. I might actually buy it instead of just borrowing it from werk.

[Edge7]

I must find this pawn named Carlton. (XBLA or PSN?)

By the way, can you make more pawns as the game progresses?

[Quindiana Jones]

You can only make one pawn, but you can hire another two that you cannot change. Carlton is on Live, though I may have heard something about pawns being cross-platform? Dunno if there's truth in that, but if there is then it is everybody's moral duty to spread Carlton everywhere.

Yesterday I had a wonderful moment with some Ogres. I was recently playing a Ranger, with a level 1 Sorceror, a Warrior and a Mage when I journeyed into some mines to show the Ogres what for. After a long and nail-biting battle, in which I had to resuscitate my allies multiple times, the first fell. Shortly afterwards, I encountered the second which proceeded to destroy me in a matter of seconds. After reloading, I worked a little harder and managed to find a safe-zone from which I could launch arrows at him from afar without fear of retribution. Naturally, the Ogre then proceeded to murder all my allies as I stood helpless, only able to watch them die. After that, the battle went very slowly. My bow was doing almost no damage whatsoever, and it took over half an hour to get the last third of his health off. Es war sehr infuriating. and I stabbed his carcass over and over again until it disappeared. At this point I made a tactical retreat (I fled) to get some better pawns and to change my class. I returned as a Strider, with a Mage, Warrior and Sorceror and destroyed the last Ogre in less than 30 seconds. I have never been so proud in my life. xD

I'm currently a Magick Archer, and I imagine I will remain so for a very long time. I love the daggers and I love the bows. I just bought a skill called Ricochet Hunter, which fires 3 homing arrows that grow in power every time they bounce off of something. I am searching all manner of mines and caves for trolls now, so that I can stun lock them into oblivion.

I love this game.

[Freya]

Yeah, if your friends have pawns that are super high level, you can hire them for free. So I have two pawns that are at least 10 levels higher than me. It's glorious. I'm doing archery and it's awesome. I seem to be able to do more being at the back of the battle doing damage. Such an awesome game!

[Psychotic]

So I got a quest to kill a Griffin. Okay. I can do this. I have done it twice before. Particularly when I now have a host of knights as back up. So we go and find it, and we have a lovely battle and I jump upon it and end up riding it as it flies about a bit. Eventually the Griffin has decided it has had enough and smurfs off to some godforsaken tower on the other side of the map. Okay, no problem!

I march north. What blocks my way?

• Assorted sissy bandits and goblins. Easy enough but annoying.
• A fair few battle wings of Snow Harpies, backed up by Dire Wolves.
• A smurfing Cyclops blocking the path. That was a fun boss fight as Carlton summoned a tornado onto it.
• WINDS BLOWING ME BACK. Full on Yellow Turban trout what the smurf.
• In some godforsaken rock canyon area I have never been to, I get jumped by a smurfload of tricky bandit groups, all with numerous archer snipers perched on cliffs. Annoying.
• My first ever mothersmurfing Golem. That was a sodding fight and a half. I had no idea they could fire sodding laser beams. It turned to night during this.
• And naturally the night is indeed dark and full of terrors and I'm facing a permanent skeleton presence.
• Now I am finally at the tower - very nice looking, moody and atmospheric - and apparently it's a smurfing Labyrinth? Jesus chris when does it end.
• Correction, it's a smurfing Labryinth filled with more Snow Harpies and angry skeletons. And these are some fairly decently levelled skeletons too, with giant broadswords.
• Well this is just lovely. I finally caught up with that utter of a Griffin and it is back to full health. Oh yeah and it seems to have levelled up as it's hitting like a truck now.
• WELL I JUST FELL OFF SKULL MOUNTAIN. Oh into the water mind, the Brine saved me.
• OH GOD NOW IT'S DESTROYING THE ENTIRE CASTLE THING. Oh trout well I just died.
• "There Master, a Griffin!" Thanks. For. That.
• Christ it's Dawn again. This castle looks amazing in the light. "There Master, a Gr-" SHUT UP I smurfING KNOW, IT IS SLAMMING MY SKULL INTO THE GOD DAMN GROUND OKAY.
• Whoa what the hell some dude I helped in a quest earlier showed up to smurf the Griffin. Nice.
• Oh yes look at it crash land lick my balls you smurfing Griffin ahahah someone is making meteors fall on its head oh god this is beautiful. Job done.
• There is some really sweet loot here.
• And now to complete the quest... I have to go allllllllllll the way back again to report my victory. smurf that, ferrystone here I come.

Tell you what, Capcom should make a sodding Lord of the Rings game because I feel like I just went all the way to Mordor. And that was just one quest.

[Quindiana Jones]

Wait wait wait wait wait. You rode a Griffin? You rode it across the map? Paul, I think you just won. I don't know what you've won, but by God you've bloody won it.

Most of my time in this game is now spent flinging rabbits off of cliffs.

[Psychotic]

So bumping this because I started playing it and I have a pertinent question. Firstly, thanks for using my pawn however many months ago and sending me a blade, Huxley.

Secondly, and I suspect it is smurfing Quin, who the hell on my friend's list is using a tiny female child called Lolita as their pawn? Which one of you dirty kiddie-fiddling mothersmurfers is it?

That's the beauty of this game, your depraved fantasies can be seen and judged by all your friends.

[Madame Adequate]

Yeah I saw her too It's almost certainly Quin. I'd also suggest Rye if she had the game.

Also you're welcome Pauw darling

[Psychotic]

Wait a minute... but who is your pawn?!

[Madame Adequate]

Car... Jarlton. He's a... black Jarl. Like in Skyrim.