Remember that time we were told Square Enix had bought the site? Wasn’t that a laugh. Square Enix is not doing so crash hot as a development studio these days. As publishers, they’re on fire, but the Final Fantasy series has been seriously dividing its fan base since… what, the early 2000s? With the popularity of the series taking a hit as dudebro shooters and their ilk become more popular, it stands to reason that Square Enix might try something outlandish and employ a viral marketing bot to try and boost popularity. My concern is that they would be wasting resources by sending this bot to advertise to the people most likely to buy their product anyway; although with some of your opinions and responses toward the Final Fantasy series, perhaps the fans are drifting away too.
Here are the facts: the people of EoFF believe that there are five of us with the posting habits and personality of an advertisement bot. Personally, I’d be offended to be nominated for this award. It’s like being told you are utterly incapable of logic or reason and are instead a slave to a single cause: increasing the popularity of the Final Fantasy series. That’s a pretty titty gig, and I hear bots don’t get paid well. Right, Award Bot? What’d they pay you, a couple fried motherboards and a copper coil as a tip? Let’s look at these five unfortunate souls and see which one of them would make the best bot. Apart from Award Bot, of course. Please don’t laser beam me, bro.
- Roogle:
Roogle would make a horrible bot. Sure, he has a strange, robotic quality to his personality, but if you’re going to advertise on a forum, get a bot who posts. That being said, perhaps Roogle is the single greatest creation Square Enix has ever made; not only does he communicate in REAL TIME in #eoff, I also had the good fortune of using his couch as a temporary base. Dedicated to selling me the next big FF game, I guess. We did discuss Final Fantasy Tactics while I was there, as well…
- Loony BoB:
Not as prone to inactivity, Loony BoB would make a rather fine ad bot for FF XIV. Most of his posts in the lower forums of late have been about how this game is not as tit as everybody first thought and encouraging others to give it a try. I’m onto you, BoB. I’m alerting the other admins and they’re going to take you out back and remove your operating core. WE’RE NOT A PART OF YOUR SYSTEM.
- ShinGundam:
Who’s ShinGundam, I hear you ask. Exactly. A prolific poster in the lower forums, ShinGundam is always discussing the series. He is not always supremely positive about the series, but he rarely has an aggressive argument highlighting faults either. This is the kind of behaviour you would expect from a well-designed bot who is trying to fly under the radar.
- Hypoallergenic Cactuar:
If you want a bot that gets attention, this is the way to play it. Spammer Extraordinaire, Hypoallergenic Cactuar seems hell bent on being at least one half of the forum’s total posts all by himself. What many do not realise is that beneath the ponies and random nonsense is a super fanboy for Zack Fair, one of the posterboys for the Final Fantasy VII Compilation, which just so happens to be one of the single most successful franchises Square Enix has created…
- Wolf Kanno:
Horrible idea. If Square Enix designed Wolf Kanno then something went wrong in the process and allowed him to escape from their facilities using a series of tubes that led him here to this website. Why? Because only Vivi22 can bash Final Fantasy games as well as him. He might have a lot of love for the series but if you’re going to tear strips off your own merchandise then you are not performing to normal specifications. Wolf Kanno is not a bot. Or at least, not a Square Enix bot.
So which one of these fine folks is your comrade, Award Bot? Out with it!
Originally Posted by Jiro
Master of the Fork
Cid's Knight
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