Being a newbie can be intimidating. You’ve just found this cool site about Final Fantasy (isn’t that an oxymoron?) and you’ve signed up to join in the fun and already you’re being approached by some whackjob named Loony BoB who, despite a join date of August 2000, has some kind of Newbie tag attached to his name. You respond to his rather speedy welcome with a curt “thanks” and hurry along to the forums. What’s this? Wonder Square? And a description that reminds you of Final Fantasy VII, the greatest game of all time
!FFVI is the best game What luck! You head inside to post an introduction thread and see what the rest of the people here are like.
You’ve just made the second biggest mistake of your life. Not only did you join one of the nerdiest places you could, you also just opened yourself up to an avalanche – pun intended – of “welcomes.” From the friendly Freya to the paedophilic Peegee, there is a swath of quirky characters to acquaint yourself with. Just don’t follow Sylvie down any dark alleyways. Don’t be afraid to say hello now that you’ve doomed yourself.
Being the Best Newbie is another matter altogether. It requires a few key ingredients, however I never did discover them and so I cannot share the secret. But I do have some tips to share with future newbies who might like to make use of my advice.
Step one, be memorable. You don’t need to be gimmicky, but be yourself – exaggerated if you must. If you rock up like Hypoallergenic Cactuar, you will always be remembered, sure. But you could also pull a Laddy and be so fabulously gay that people remember you
and refrain from trying to hit you with fly swatters! It’s all about first impressions, and making sure you leave a good one – or at least a big one – will ensure you’ll be nominated for this award next Ciddies.
Step two, post! Nobody will know you if you’re quiet. Post a lot, post everywhere, and for Ifrit’s sake please try to post quality content. Only Psychotic can be a complete idiot and still have people respect him for it. And you’re not he, so don’t even try it, Buster.
Step three, have fun. I mean smurf it, if you’re not enjoying yourself then you might as well kill yourself now, right? You’ve survived being *sexor’d* and you’ve had your first double posting warning, get in there and see what it’s all about now.
Just be careful of that Loony BoB fellow. If you’re not careful, you might end up
seeing something you regret.