DREAMS

[Shorty]

I totally want to make out with the Skeebs.

(SPOILER)I had a dream a while ago that I was living at this troutty "apartment" with my lady and it turned out that this guy we hate that we used to have sex with sometimes was living there too, with his boyfriend. We kind of ignored it. Then the police were at the door and in this world apparently "selective services" involves being brought to some kind of intervention-esque room only with other candidates, and there's like a handful (if any) of a random selection of your relatives there in this old, decaying police office room. They did not handcuff me on the way there because I wasn't being arrested, it was just some weird required procedure. I remember in the police car I put my switchblade in some console. I was taken to this room and the only relative I had there was my older cousin Joley and some faceless guy she was married to. She said hello to me and was really nice. I never liked her really. But she got really close to the side of my head, used her tongue to smell underneath my scalp by licking behind my earlobe, and said "you have such a sweet natural aroma."

I said, "what do you mean?"

She said, "I can tell that you think about the king sometimes."

"The king?"

She giggled. "Evil Knievel."

So then there was some troutty half-ass ceremony and before I even spoke, the cops told me I was absolutely not acceptable material for the military. They cut me loose, drove me back to the apartment, and I remembered I forgot my switchblade in the other cop's car. I just materialized a new one in my pocket.

I got back in the dimly lit apartment and I heard two guys violently and savagely smurfing. I figured it was him and his prettyboy. So I think I just sat with my girl in some room, and the next thing I remember I'm talking to him and his boyfriend. My girlfriend is laying on the couch and giggling as I pretend to care about what they say. His boyfriend was cooing and squirming around in a sexual fit right next to me (he was sort of attractive, but I decided he wasn't) and he himself was on my other side, and he asked,

"I want you to top me in the bedroom."

I said "smurf no."

He started complaining. "Why not?"

I said "Because I don't need you anymore. You sucked my dick and that's it, a long time ago."

He went back to the bedroom with his boy and they smurfed some more.

The rest is all blurry, but the last part, I was driving down the road past my apartment and I saw that right across the house, someone had arranged plastic advertisement letters across that said something along the lines of "I'll expose you, Sylvie, and everyone will know that you want to slobber all over my huge cock."

I smiled, pulled over, took all the letters down, and made it say "Go ahead." Then, vocally, I spoke "Go ahead, I don't give a smurf." Everything started to melt in color like dribbling water on a sheet of LSD or something. I woke up.

More recently, I had a half-conscious dissociative lapse of reality where I was awake, but I was hallucinating that I was completely disengaged from my human body and attempting to relocate it, or find a new one. This happens regularly in my life. I realized that if I open a pin box and start shoving the pins into the top corners of my skull symmetrically, I can get a better focus on how to get back into my body. I do enjoy floating around, but sometimes it is time to get back in. So I jack out. I pull out the pins and scream and it wakes me up and I can finally snap myself out of it. The slow process of regaining feeling through your own body again is bizarre.

Sylvie: There was an opportunity in your life that was recently passed up and you rationalize this by telling yourself that it was the fault of outside sources. Additionally, you want to have closure with some part of your life that you're ready to confront and tell that you don't need anymore and that there might be scary consequences but you're ready to face them, girl! OVERALL, you may just need to get laid to stop having dreams about bjs because it makes you want to push pins into your skull. Crazy trout.

i have dreamt before that i had sex with the female c3po from space balls

Krissy: Your mind wants you to embrace your unorthodox, perhaps revolting weirdness and/or fetishes. Don't let it down, man. Be true to yourself.