- Don't bother growing a beard. It takes you a month and your moustache is ginger.
- The Irish girl you meet gives the worst felatio ever. Just stay friends.
- When given a choice between True Grit or Black Swan... NEVER pick the latter.
- Do not accept a free Macbook. You can't afford the repairs.
- When you start playing the guitar... make it a priority to learn "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. You will get lots more sex.