Practical Jokes

[Trumpet Thief]

A coworker and I intended to wrap a third coworker's entire desk in wrapping paper at Christmas time last year. PC, monitors, mouse, phone, office supplies, chair - everything individually. We didn't end up doing it, though, because we would have had to come in overnight to do it and neither of us could be arsed after we planned it out.

Might try it on someone here at my new job and see how long it takes me to get fired

That sounds like a pretty... impractical joke.

*Ba Dum Tsss*

I'm sorry.

[Sylvie]

At the factory, there's a table at the end of the stacker with ball-bearings with pressurized air underneath of them to make the paper stacks glide better across it. When you use two fingers and press down on two of them at the right angle, it makes this Alvin & the Chipmunks roller coaster screaming sound. So I called this guy over and asked him if he knew what the miniature holocaust sounded like. He said no. I asked him to listen closely, and then let off the screams.

Not really a practical joke.

In high school I used to target this girl that sat in front of me in Photoshop class. She was very popular, friendly, and was dating this other retard for like 2 years. She was short, skinny, with long blonde hair. A nice healthy tan; nothing fake. She was a star pupil in many ways. I'm sure many of you are familiar with the 'shutdown -e' command. I had actually pioneered the key to understanding which computers were which strictly by following a series of numbers and letters (you know, what they labeled the computers with). Once I had figured this out, I could remotely shut down any computer in the building. So I'd wait until she was into this project and make sure she didn't save. If she saved, then I'd wait until she made progress without saving. I'd shut her down and watch her get very upset, which was very exciting. It really lubricated something for me. She booted back up, and I did the same thing after she made progress again, because I was now caught in a rush of ecstasy. Very minor ecstasy, but I know the feeling in a spectrum of magnitudes. She whined very vocally, with that fawning girlish expression to the teacher that her computer was malfunctioning. She was moved behind me in the very back of the room. This is where my understanding of machine label patterns came in handy; I just did some quick diagram in my head to ensure that I knew which one she was on, and did the same tit. I did it until the end of class and it was very pleasurable.

[Jinx]

Sylvie, you are such a dick. <3

[Shorty]

I remembered a joke I did actually play on someone, actually. My friends and I went into another friend's room while they were away and opened up their Costco-sized giant ass box of thousands of q-tips and put them everywhere. Everywhere. Inside books, DVDs, games, between keys in their keyboard, in their pillow, on top of their fan so when it was turned on they would zing everywhere, inside shoes, inside decorations and things, in pockets of clothes.

A year later he was still finding q-tips in everything. Probably still is.

[balloon]

When I was uhm, 8 or whatever, I was with my best friend and his siblings at the park, dickin' around in a sand pit. I had a tube sock for some reason, filled with sand, real thick and heavy, something I knew, the moment I felt its weight and girth, would be really satisfying to let swing and pound into somebody's face or throat or something. So like, this kid was the best friend I've ever had, and I really liked him. Like, he meant a lot to me. But he bent over. He was probably really lucky that his back wasn't broken or something. He collapsed into anguish immediately, winded I think, heaving, as his brother and sister are like "what in the f***", obviously trying as hard as they could to restrain themselves from smurfing killing me. Everyone was pissed, I didn't even really understand what'd just happened, I just felt really isolated. I thought it was funny for a second for some reason, so it like was a joke or something. I think actually said, "i was just kidding" hahaha

[NorthernChaosGod]

I remembered a joke I did actually play on someone, actually. My friends and I went into another friend's room while they were away and opened up their Costco-sized giant ass box of thousands of q-tips and put them everywhere. Everywhere. Inside books, DVDs, games, between keys in their keyboard, in their pillow, on top of their fan so when it was turned on they would zing everywhere, inside shoes, inside decorations and things, in pockets of clothes.

A year later he was still finding q-tips in everything. Probably still is.

I would have beat you all up and made you buy me another box.

[Sylvie]

When I was uhm, 8 or whatever, I was with my best friend and his siblings at the park, dickin' around in a sand pit. I had a tube sock for some reason, filled with sand, real thick and heavy, something I knew, the moment I felt its weight and girth, would be really satisfying to let swing and pound into somebody's face or throat or something. So like, this kid was the best friend I've ever had, and I really liked him. Like, he meant a lot to me. But he bent over. He was probably really lucky that his back wasn't broken or something. He collapsed into anguish immediately, winded I think, heaving, as his brother and sister are like "what in the f***", obviously trying as hard as they could to restrain themselves from smurfing killing me. Everyone was pissed, I didn't even really understand what'd just happened, I just felt really isolated. I thought it was funny for a second for some reason, so it like was a joke or something. I think actually said, "i was just kidding" hahaha

we were so much alike as children, love <3

[Jiro]

My (male) cousins and I once dug a hole at the beach which we were going to cover up and trap our (female) cousins in but they ended up seeing us digging so the prank was ruined. We also dug it way too deep and it almost collapsed and killed us. Good times