Census Results - Get your slack asses in here.

[Jiro]

Welcome to this Census Results! I will be one of your devilishly handsome hosts accompanied by the slightly insane and kind of a jerk Vivi22! We will be doing our best to point out the fact that you are all smurfing idiots and that the Census should consist only of our answers because you have forfeited your right to an opinion!

Join us for this adventure which could take anywhere from an hour to a year to finish! The first revelation will be momentarily. Strap yourselves in, wipe the dribble off your chins and let's get ready to rumble!

[Jiro]

I thought we had best start with a positive one, seeing as both Vivi22 and I will probably want to bash our faces against the wall with some of your responses. We're going to begin with Favourite Boss, as that is exactly what I am and you are not. Let's see the results!

Favourite Boss
We speak English is this town so the letter U will be out in full force. Deal with it.


One Pointers

These are the poor sods who only got one vote. That's bad luck for them, but it might be bad luck for you too if you chose wrong.

• Diamond WEAPON
• Emerald WEAPON
• Black Waltz #3
• Omega Weapon (VIII)
• ExDeath/NeoExDeath
• Yu-Yevon
• Dr. Cid Bunansa
• Dadaluma
• Diablos (VIII)
• Yunalesca
• Jenova LIFE
• Seymour Omnis
• Ultimecia
• Golbez (DS Remake)

We have a rather varied line up here, covering quite a few of the games. I see quite a few entries from Final Fantasy VII which is pleasing to see, except for the fact that Jenova is a piece of tit. Whoever voted for Jenova LIFE needs a good smack across the face. That creepy headless smurf is not allowed in my Census.

Ultimecia wasn't a good boss either, so I don't know what's going on here. Perhaps the person who voted for her gets some kind of weird furry kick out of her fusion with Griever during the final battle. Need I say more?

Special mention goes to Bubbaforever for his vote toward Diablo who is one badass mothersmurfer.

GF Diablos. I wasn't expecting it (or ready for it!) after examining that lamp. It was just a really enjoyable fight which I won by the skin of my teeth! He was then my bitch. Awesome.

Here's to hoping Diablos and Bubbaforever are enjoying their dom/sub relationship on a romantic getaway while the rest of you sods suffer with your disappointing choices. There's a bloody bug, camp homocidal half-breed and an evil walking tin can moon man, for Christ's sake!

Second Place (2)
With all the one pointers out of the way, we step straight up into the finals. Coming in second position is the mothersmurfer known as Barthandelus.



He makes three appearances in Final Fantasy XIII which gives him more than enough time to make an impression on our band of heroes. Too smurfing bad for them that he's some smurfed up god like thing who masquerades as an old dude. Reminds me off the battle between Yoda and Count Dooku in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. After he's done being a strange old dude he turns into what I can only describe as a living tank which increases in awesome as you battle him. Plus he has all sorts of psycho alternatve forms too. smurf yeah.

First Place (4)
First place goes to Kefka, the creepy ass clown mothersmurfer from Final Fantasy VI. Now I don't know about you, but clowns scare the bejeesus outta me, so I can easily see why people would love killing him. I'm not really sure why people would vote him the best though - as he is clearly just something that should never have existed. smurf clowns, man.



Let's here from a couple people on why Kefka is the "best" despite his meager four votes.

We'd seen multi-form bosses before, but the multi-tiered thing was new. I think it also mirrored the challenge of climbing the tower to get to him as well and was a nice gauntlet to be thrown into before the end. I think after the challenge of climbing his tower, being thrown into a single stage boss fight with him would have been underwhelming. Plus, Dancing Mad set the mood perfectly and really complimented the stages of fighting Kefka.

Well, fair enough. There wasn't really a need for an essay Mister Co-Host but you never were one for taking the short and simple road, were you? Gotta make tit harder for the rest of us. smurf.

Kefka, he is a douchebag lol

Glad to see you put a lot of thought into your response, Lionx! You provided such a persuasive argument in those five words and an acronym. Why can't someone just submit something USEFUL? SMURF.

What's the next category? Who knows! It might be something I choose, or it could be something from Vivi22! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING YOU!

[Wolf Kanno]

So it begins...

[Fynn]

I can't remembre if I have any submissions here or not. Probably not though... Still, why so many of these!

[Jiro]

This is pretty poor hype, but I should have expected as much in my absence. Keep your eyes peeled, for the companion to the Favourite Boss - the Least Favourite Boss - is coming right up!

[Jiro]

Least Favourite Boss

I don't really know what constitutes a good boss. Do they have to pay you well and treat you with respect? Oh, right, wrong kind of boss. But still - are the good bosses the easy ones, or the challenging ones? The purposeful ones, or the 2D flat as a board out of nowhere generic monster 2.0 kind? Honestly, you people have given me nothing to work with. I ought to be the boss and kick your asses back to the Beginner's Hall.

One Pointers

You have given me a gargantuan list of bosses with only one vote. Evidently the Final Fantasy series struggles at constructing bad bosses. We should write them a letter congratulating them on such an achievement. No boss is that hated that it scored a majority of votes, either. But let's take a look at the list, shall we?

• Deathgaze (VI)
• Demons Gate
• Evrae
• Twin Tania
• Sin
• Edea
• Cloud of Darkness
• Materia Keeper
• Ultima Weapon (FFXI)
• Omega (FFV)
• Rufus
• Zeromus
• Ultros
• Jumbo Cactuar
• Tonberry King
• Eidolon Battles (XIII)
• Beatrix
• Seymour Flux

I see Demons Gate makes an entry, but I'm not convinced that our voter was really sure what she was voting for.

What is that thing hiding in the door of the temple of the ancients? That thing. That's the one.

Grief, woman. You think you'd know something you hated! But at least you aren't this next dickhead.

Evrae, as its poison attacks are annoying and inconvenient, as well as its ability to move away, limiting your damage dealing potential. It makes the battle very challenging, especially for an unbalanced party.

You dislike this boss battle because it's too hard for a tit player like y- oh smurf that's my submission. Uhhh.

I also notice that Eidolon Battles makes an entry with one vote. Well if the idiots who voted for Jumbo Cactuar and Tonberry King had've been as forward thinking then perhaps the GF Battles from Final Fantasy VIII could have made a dramatic surge forward out of the pile of tit and into second place!

First Place (3)
Yep. That's right. Only one boss got more than one vote. In fact, he got three votes. Three votes is enough to be the least liked Final Fantasy boss on this damned site. I'd bet you Loony BoB could get more votes in a tittest villain contest. Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you people?

So in first place for Least Favourite Boss and in second place for Favourite Boss, you diptits have picked Barthandelus. Why do I even bother?



Let's see what someone had to say...

Barthandelus, just a tedious long boss fight with little strategy involved to beat him and if you don't kill him fast enough he just casts doom on you, and then you have to start the whole tedious 20 minute long boss fight all over again...

Little strategy you say, Mister Wolf Kanno? Is that so... Well, I think you and your friend Loony BoB need to have some words because you obviously have markedly different opinions on what constitutes strategy!

I have no idea. Uhm. Probably one that required strategy, so Barthandelus in FFXIII (the one where you have to go all-out when he charges up).

Christ alive. I can't wait to see all the winners of favourite categories show up on the winners of least favourite categories too. What a bunch of bipolar backwards buttmonkeys.

[Slothy]

Well, fair enough. There wasn't really a need for an essay Mister Co-Host but you never were one for taking the short and simple road, were you?

No.

Anyway, I'm going to get a category or two out of the way now since I'll be busy for the next few hours. Why will I be busy? Because the goddamn Batman is infinitely more interesting that you folks and doesn't give stupid answers in an FF census. The Batman doesn't let me down unlike you popsicle heads. Speaking of letting me down:

Best character (gameplay)

So bringing up the rear we've got the single votes:
Mog (VI)
Gau
Zack Fair
Vivi Orunitia
Kain Highwind
Cloud Strife
Vincent Valentine
General Leo Christophe
Red XIII
Zell Dincht
Eiko Carol
Cid Highwind
Adelbert Steiner

There's some good stuff here. Vivi obviously is awesome being the only black mage in FFIX. Steiner and Eiko are also quite useful through much of the game. General Leo is clearly OP and I expect a nerf in the next patch. Kain's Jump is always good, Gau is more useful than he looks, especially in low level play throughs, Zack is the only playable character in his own game, and while they may all be clones for the most part, at least that means Cid, Cloud, Vincent and Red XIII aren't useless.

But then we have a couple of weird ones. Mog? I love moogles as much as the next guy and Mog is king moogle, but his one special ability is uncontrollable, and by extension, unreliable in battle. At least Gau has that one specific instance where he becomes the single most useful guy in the game. What does Mog have? He dances. Fun to watch, a detriment in battle. I'd say the only guy more useless is Umaro, but I'm not even sure that's true. At least when he's being uncontrollable, he's also quite predictable.

And we've also got Zell in there. Who the hell voted for him?

Best character (gameplay): Zell

No explanation BoB? I see not even you can justify an answer so bad.

Next, it's a three way tie for second place with two votes each:
Sabin Rene Figaro
Squall Leonhart
Auron

Ok, so Auron I get, he's your pretty much standard tanking damage dealer for much of FFX. That's always a help rather than a hindrance. Squall can be justified as having the best limit breaks in FFVIII, but I'd disqualify him if I could because being the most useful character in FFVIII is like being the monkey that got hit by the least trout in a trout flinging contest.

Now Sabin is good, but his brother has attacks which are just as effective, hit all the enemies on screen earlier, and don't require button presses that make some of those nancy's who've never even heard of Street Fighter cry. So I suppose we'll probably see him in first place.

First Place:
Terra Branford

Huh? I kind of get it since she uses magic, but magic is limited, and a few hours into the game everyone has it. Oh that's right, she got another ability later on, I guess it must have been the most useful ability in the world. What was that again? Oh yeah, something called Morph. So what? she transformed into a Power Ranger and kicked a lot of ass in the Megazord did she?

When Terra trances, she transforms into an esper, the damage she deals is doubled, and the magic damage she takes is halved, but this does not work with defense-ignoring attacks.

Ok, well I guess that's not too bad. More damage dealt, less taken against spells. I mean, it's not entirely necessary because the battles in the game are incredibly easy anyway, and equipment can easily negate a lot of nasty stuff, but still, it's handy I suppose. But why wouldn't you just use this all the time? Why use her normal form at all?

Terra can only stay as an esper for a limited amount of time. Her ATB gauge slowly decreases as she is an esper, and when it empties, she turns back into a human. The length of time Terra can stay tranced depends on the amount of magic AP she has gained after battle. If she has not gained enough, she cannot trance.

So her one ability that makes her even marginally unique is entirely unnecessary because her magic is powerful enough anyway, and you can't use it all of the time? And she's the best character in the game gameplay wise? Over Edgar, the actual best character in the game?

Who wants a smack upside the head?

Best character (gameplay): Terra. She can do everything!

She can't use Tools (there's a misogynistic joke in there somewhere). Also, you're off the census committee.

Best character (gameplay): Terra. High magic power + Morph.

Which is entirely superfluous. You can join Velo in the unemployment line.

Oh god, even Wolf has turned against us? Ugh, fine, I'll at least let you make your case.

Best character (gameplay) - Terra, Great magic, can naturally learn Ultima, can equip the best weapons and armor in the game, and can be broken several different ways with different equipment set-ups. She's just a badass. She's also just fun to use the Esper system on and her unique equipment pool gives her plenty of options.

Well, I'll at least grant that you can break the game with her and she has equipment options. So you can stay. Though I find the idea of breaking a game that's already taken more of a beating than Batman's spine humourous and excessive.

Before I go watch Batman though, Edgar must have gotten some votes. Are you sure you counted correctly WK? Here, I'll post my response:

Best character (gameplay)
I'll go with Sabin for Blitz. Again, I really liked that system, and enjoyed using it more than most special abilities in most of the FF's. Most other characters don't require more than making menu selections, or don't differentiate enough to be that interesting on their own.

...

smurf it, I'm going to watch Batman.

[Jiro]

Worst Character (gameplay)

Well well well, since Vivi22 handled the Best Characters in terms of gameplay, I suppose I will take care of the opposite spectrum: the Worst Characters in terms of gameplay. I expect to see quite the line up of useless wackjobs here, but then you guys never were good at sticking to the plan.

One Pointers

As always, let's start by looking at the one pointers, those who are only a little bit tit. These guys are the ones you find in the reduced to clear bins whereas the winners find themselves just in the trash.

• Umaro
• Setzer Gabbiani
• Selphie Timlett
• Prince Gordon
• Hope Estheim
• Yuffie Kisaragi
• Terra Branford
• Aerith Gainsborough
• Wakka
• Cait Sith

Do my eyes deceive me, or has the winner of Best Character also shown up on the Worst Character list? Nope, there she is, Miss Terra Branford. It is utterly confirmed for me now; you're all a bunch of idiots. Well, to be fair, it was Loony BoB again so perhaps if we disqualify him from entering in the next Census, everything will be a little less skewed.

The presence of Umaro on the list is understandable, as a smurfing uncontrollable yeti is as far from the definition of "useful" as I can imagine. However he also has a piece of saving grace, and that is the fact that he can utterly destroy the Fanatic's Tower. Seriously, he will be the everloving smurf out of your enemies using your own party members as clubs. That has to at least get him out of the reduced to clear bin and onto the half price table.

I love the sasquatch, but I hate characters I can't control in battle. The closest you come to controlling him is equipping him with relics to give him new attacks, but even that's limited and leaves you exposed to the whims of a random number generator.

Oh, so he's a sasquatch. Whoops, my mistake. We also have this entry which somehow didn't earn a place on the list.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yer mom?

My mother could kick your mother's ass. Trust me. I know.

We also see Aerith Gainsborough on the list and really I can easily see how some dead bitch is useless as a character. At least Auron is the awesome kind of dead character. Lastly, this little gem from Bubbaforever.

Wakka. FFX. I think there is an 'n' missing from his name.

Clearly his name should be Wankka and his faux Jamaican accent should become thick bogan. G'day Tidus ya bloody yobbo.


Third Place (2)
We have a two way tie for third place. First up is Zidane Tribal, the leading man from Final Fantasy IX. No, it wasn't a sword tail. As only one of our two voters game any sort of justification, it's up to Forsaken Lover to try and convince me how this obviously poor decision - have you ever seen a main character be the least useful character? - can be allowed to stand.

Zidane because most of his abilities were useless.

I beg to differ. Zidane is a thief and if you use him to steal - who would've thought! - then you can easily boost the power that his Thievery attack does to max before you're even half way through the game. He also ends up being quite a powerful physical attacker. Ergo, you're both wrong. Get out of my village.

Our second character tied for third is none other than the namesake of our wonderful home of artistic talent, Relm Arrowny. Her Sketch ability is, I find, largely useless. Her magical ability is outclassed by other party members and the only positive thing I can say is that you can make her wear weird furry suits. I think this is really the first time I've truly agreed with you jackasses.

Relm. The game is telling you something when a skill is so bad it has the potential to corrupt your game file. Honorable mentions go out to any characters that are AI controlled.

VeloZer0 hits the nail on the head here. Relm's ability can quite easily smurf up everything. Don't touch her with a ten foot pole. Don't touch her at all, actually; that could net you a jail sentence.

First Place (3)

Another tie for first place. You are the most indecisive lot I've ever met. So our joint winners are musical pansy Edward Chris von Muir (aka Gilbert) and blue humanoid rhino Kimahri. Edward spends most of the time dead or using his special ability Hide, so clearly he's not that useful. Kimahri could be useful if you completely ignored the other six characters in Final Fantasy X. There is really not a whole lot I can do to argue for them being useful, and I'm too goddamned lazy to argue for why they are useless, so let's see what you had to say.

Kimahri. No real niche for him means he's usually overlooked.

NOT A SMURFING THING. Thanks for your help, jackasses.

Kimahri, he's a jack of all trades master of none, in a game where most of your cast are specialist and can fight in every battle. So why do we need you then? Not to mention his Overdrives go to waste depending on what route you take. His Jump command is pretty crappy and can be outdone with a normal attack if you have the right weapon. Even his Blue Magic is really weak and lame in this entry. He's basically the token monster party member and his job role is trash bin.

There we have it folks. The worst characters in terms of gameplay. Seeing as half of you didn't give smurfing reasons with your submissions, I'm not saying anything further. Except smurf you. Next category soon!

[Jiro]

Do you like to travel? If no, then get out of my thread. If yes, what's your favourite way to travel? Hint: Not these ways!

Least Favourite Form of Travel

These are the methods of transport that make you want to bash your face against a pile of hardened chocobo manure all while screaming YOLO at the top of your lungs in a sad, ironic way. Needless to say that there really are some pathetic forms of transport out there, including Queensland Rail which - when compared to passenger rail in the rest of the world - looks worse than the tit cruising around most third world countries. But we're here to bitch about Final Fantasy transport, so let's take a look.

One Pointers

Not terrible, but not preferable, I would say.

• Train
• Wyvern
• Chocobo
• Teleportation
• Story Gods Plot Carting
• Cars

I... what? Are there really any other forms of transport left? You've basically listed every thing but the kitchen sink, plus this random "Story Gods Plot Carting" nonsense. What does that even mean?

Plot-carting. As long as I can move myself, I'm happy.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN. Provide an example with your abstract answers, folks! Otherwise I will have to point at you and laugh exactly like Tidus laughs; I know how much you love that.

I noticed that cars make an entry and really I have to point out that our voter was probably a terrible driver. Cars are a rapid form of ground transport with the added bonus of being able to be given lightning bolts and neons and nitrous boosts. You obviously just need to meet with my boy Xzibit so he can pimp yo ride.

Third Place (2)
Two votes were all it took to take these two tied transports to third place. I just comboed 9 T words there. Are you not amused? Fine, piss off then you sons of a submariner. Speaking of submarines, our first third place loser is the humble Boat. I guess our two voters are pretty pathetic pirates. Perhaps you ought to stop being such jelly legged wastrels and come set sail on Captain Maxx Power's Pirate Red Mage ship. You'll learn to be real men and wenches there. I should note, at least, that Spooniest only dislikes boats you can't drive.

Ships that you don't get to steer

I don't know though, this ship was still pretty smurfing baller.

The second vehicle tied for third place is none other than Balamb Garden. Clearly the two voters here are extremely wrong, as without Balamb Garden being mobile, we would never have experienced the epic clash between Balamb and Galbadia Gardens. That is one of the most awesome parts of any game ever and therefore you are both wrong wrong wrong. Plus, what can be cooler than a floating military school? A floating military school that you're in charge of, no doubt. smurfing get some.

Once again, Loony BoB helps us out with his deeply incorrect insights. Maybe you need to be more like Shlup and not participate at all, dude. Save face and quit while you're miles behind.

Balamb Garden, oh man, slow much? And turning like a tanker.

First Place (6)
Holy mother of god am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?! Not only is the winner getting more than three votes, we also have ANOTHER smurfING TIE. However in the true nature of contests I am declaring an individual winner for this category. But first, which two forms of transport suck the most bollocks? Why, Walking of course. No wonder the western world has such a high level of smurfing obesity, you're all lazy pricks. Get off your fat ass and walk to the next town. You'll drop all that weight or you'll drop dead, either way is an improvement! Who knows, you might level up your walking ability until you can do this:

The other transportation method is the Buggy. Despite the fact that it has badass lightning bolts and tit, you people all whinge about having to fight battles with it. It's not like the big 12 ft monster really just sees you coming and goes "oh that little buggy is so scary I might just move to the side" no it stands there and tries to stomp on your privileged little heads. Have a sook you soft cocks. Honestly, the only real downside to the Buggy is that it becomes replaced by the Tiny Bronco approximately 13 seconds after you get it.

No matter, though, as it is officially the worst form of transportation. The Buggy receives an extra vote due to this comment:

I was originally going to say Chocobo but I'm instead going to say cars. This includes FFVII's Buggy and FFVIII's rental cars. They don't stop encounter rates, they have arbitrary uses, and in VIII's case, I have to supply fuel for it. No thank you. I'll take a smelly bird, flying school or the slowest airs...er spaceship in the franchises history..

As you can see, it's Wolf Kanno's fault cars was listed as a goddamn one pointer but at the very least he can be happy knowing his vote made all the difference once I meddled. So much for statistical accuracy, right?

[Jiro]

The negative nancy-fest continues as we move onto a category I've been anticipating for a long while.

Least Favourite Skill

You people shouldn't really be allowed to vote here. Just because you have no skills doesn't mean you can be all butthurt and talk about how tit this skill is and that skill is. It's like saying "oh no I hate BMWs because of this and this" when we all know you're just angry 'cause you can't afford it. (Don't worry, I'm on your side with this one. smurf BMWs, the drivers are always idiotic and need to be paid a visit by 8-Ball from GTA3.)

One Pointers

• Doom
• Thunder Slash
• Chocobuckle
• Peep/Scan
• Trance (FFVI) (aka Morph right?)
• Catch/Tame
• Eat/Cook
• Jinx

So it's a pretty plain line up, all things considered. I tend to agree with most of them. Doom is useless as it rarely hits enemies that take you longer than 60 seconds to kill. Scanning an enemy to see how much health it has is outclassed by the fact you can just beat the tit out of them. Eating enemies is a pain in the butt, although the prize of Blue Magic makes it a little more useful than most. And Jinx merely raises your magic stat, right? And when punching things is more effective than setting them on fire, increasing your magic is a waste of time. There really are a lot of nerfed abilities in these games.

Second Place (2)

We have a three way tie for second, as opposed to the usual two way tie for third. In any case, we have a trio of sorta tit abilities. Or so it seems. Pray is first. Pray restores a small amount of health for absolutely free. Early on, that's actually smurfing useful. Save cash money on potions and just pray. I bet that's why the USA seems so hyper-religious; they're trying to pray away their ails because the medical system is absolutely smurfing bonkers. Hide is next, and its only real use is preventing Edward Chris von Muir from being dead. Seeing as he was one of the worst characters, this ability probably ought to have won it. Last up we have Steal. You people are idiots if you think nicking sweet equipment isn't useful. It's the easiest way to slaughter your enemies with early hardcore equipment in Final Fantasy VII. It's a good way to stock up on healing items in ALL GAMES. And it makes Zidane easily the most overpowered character before you leave the Evil Forest, if you're dedicated enough. Which, seeing as he was also up for worst character, it seems you aren't. Let's see if any of you can come up with good reasons for this, shall we?

Hide (FFIV). What possible use does having one character out of the battle give me? Edward does suck, but give him a Dream Harp and he can at least help with crowd control. Hiding is a waste.

At least I agree with you!

Pray. Good skill to blow a turn when you're not doing something else, I guess...?

I... don't disagree with you? What is going on here? Maybe you people are finally starting to see the light. We've finally gotten through!

Steal actually. With the exception of FFIX I've never really used it. I know there are benefits, like stealing rare items or saving gil from not having to buy items, but I've rarely found the games challenging enough to warrant it's use. Usually I'd rather plow through with damage dealing skills instead.

Well at least he's accurate, right? I can't badmouth Vivi22 too much anyway, as he will break down my door and then smack me in the face.

First Place (6)

That leaves us with the top spot. It goes to a special little something I like to call Gil Toss. I don't need to explain how wholly useless it is. Paying money to deal damage you yourself could probably do more than? Simply incomprehensible. The time and effort and battling needed to have enough money to make this a worthwhile skill actually levels you to the point where it isn't. So stop smurfing throwing money around and start punching things in the face. Jesus H Christ, you should save that cash for the casino.

Gil Toss. I usually need that money.

Gil Toss (why waste money when one can kick ass for free!!!!!!)

Money can be infinitely more useful than just tossing at enemies. Buy a couple of big, pointy rocks and toss them instead.

[Del Murder]

Who is this mean person and what did he do with Jiro.

[Jessweeee♪]

Balamb Garden was a pain in the ass to drive but it's SO. COOL. I mean how bad ass would it be if you got to drive your college campus around the world?

[Jinx]

Who is this mean person and what did he do with Jiro.

I like it. Very manly. ;D

[Slothy]

Who is this mean person and what did he do with Jiro.

It seems I taught him well. Perhaps a bit too well since he's taking all of the least favourite results.

Well, you know what young Mr. Jiro? Anyone can be negative when given such ample fodder as the seething hatred of an entire forum. It takes a truly bitter and spite filled human being to deliver such disgust as the world has never seen when confronting their love and enthusiasm however. Indeed, I'm absolutely sickened by the positive emotions regularly displayed by these sorry meat sacks and lone genderless robot. So allow me to once more crush your hopes, spit on your dreams, and flay alive any feelings of happiness you still have.

For now we come to:

Favorite customization system (job,materia,sphere grid, etc...)

Of course, we start with the single votes. The ones so miserably unpopular that only the most broken of spirits and shattered of psyche's would ever vote for them.

Dead last:
License Board
FFXIII-2 Monster Development

Yes, the license board. Much of it's hate probably stems from the mistaken impression that FFXII is a bad game. Given how many of you count FFVII among your favourites, and even consider FFXIII to be worth playing for more than five minutes, your opinions are worth less than nothing. I won't claim the license board is anything special however. It does the job and is functional, but there's little else to say about it.

FFXIII-2 is something I'm not familiar with, but safe to assume that by carrying the number XIII it is utterly offensive to the senses. Who would vote for such a thing anyway?

Favorite customization system (job,materia,sphere grid, etc...)
FFXIII-2 Monster development!

No surprises here, and just as wrong as ever I see.

Next we have a tie for almost dead last with 2 votes each:
FFTactics Jobs- 2 total votes
FFIX Ability System - 2 total votes

Once again, we see how much you all disgust me if these two lovely systems only got 2 votes each. FF Tactics, hailed by many as the best game to carry the name Final Fantasy and equipped with a customization system rife with job classes, useful abilities, and a large degree of customization combined with sufficient limitations to allow for interesting decisions and combinations. Obviously such a marvelous system is lost on fools such as yourselves.

FFIX, by the same token, is in many ways a simplified version of FF Tactics but no less rich in strategy and experimentation. Job classes themselves are set, but with a rich variety of additional abilities to learn and select from, there are myriad variations in party builds which are a delight to explore, yet once again we find brilliance lost on you all. All, save perhaps my partner in crime for this event.

Favorite customization system (job,materia,sphere grid, etc...)
I think the ability system in IX was very versatile, without being easily broken. You have to balance which abilities are most important as you only have limited AP to equip them, and to even learn them you have to decide whether to sacrifice better equipment or not.

I'd like to wish that you were as disappointed in yourselves as I am, but we all know that to be impossible.

Instead we shall move on to another tie with 3 votes each.

Second Place:
FFV Jobs- 3 total votes
Sphere Grid - 3 total votes

And once again, we see the preference for shallow, unfulfilling tripe over actual substance on display. I can little complain about FFV. It was a brilliant system for many of the reasons Tactics was, and we could imagine that that game would be unrecognizable had it not been for FFV laying it's brilliant ground work. Yet only 3 people recognize it. And shall we hear from one of those 3?

Favorite customization system (job,materia,sphere grid, etc...)
FFV's job system. It was just the right amount of limiting to force you to make strategic choices in building a party, yet you've got so many options it's almost overwhelming. There's a lot there to experiment with, and being able to learn and equip abilities with any class was huge at the time. I'm almost tempted to go with FFT's take on it instead, but it's a bit of a toss up so I'll go with the first one to really perfect the system in my eyes.

Little surprise who voted that way. I suggest you all take note of what an acceptable answer looks like.

Now for the final tie for First Place:
Materia - 7 total votes

Ah yes. That one from the fan favourite title which everyone loves to put on their rose coloured nostalgia glasses for. Really now? I'll grant that the Materia system allowed you to customize abilities beyond simple attack and item however you wanted. But it ceases to be interesting beyond that. The minor stat changes and abundance of materia slots for the necessary abilities, combined with the general lack of difficulty all lead to one inescapable conclusion: for all of it's supposed customization, FFVII offer little in the way of interesting choices to be made. Where's the excitement when there is no appreciable consequence to your decisions? When trading a weaker piece of gear and some stats for more materia has absolutely no effect on how you progress? How can naming such a system to first even be defensible?

In fact, only one person tried to defend it:

Favorite customization system (job,materia,sphere grid, etc...) Materia, what could possibly outmatch the thrill of overloading yourself with abilities simply by packing your body with glowing marbles?

Off the top of my head, choices that actually mattered could outmatch it easily. Hell, I find the choice of whether or not I'm going to shave today infinitely more interesting.

But I said there was a tie for first didn't I. So without further ado:

Job System (General) - 7 total votes

Now this is certainly a better choice, sort of. In the sense that it's a choice that's not the Materia system. But what is this non-commital load of horsefeathers? There have been several job systems over the years, each with a substantially different implementation than the others. Yet here we have people who are either so ill prepared, grossly uninformed, or completely incapable of casting a specific vote that instead they simply said job and left it at that. Instead of committing to one great system to stand out amongst the dregs that this series has frequently thrown upon us we get guarded and fearful half answers.

Frankly, you all disgust me. So given my powers as a Starfleet Captain I hereby disregard all votes for the Materia system, and count all votes for the "job" system as being for FFV and declare that the undisputed winner. If you have any problems with that, you can take it up with my chief of security.

worf-demotivational-poster-1258048506.jpg

Now finally, before I go, we have something new we're starting this year. Throughout the results reveal we will be giving out various awards to this years participants. In usual census fashion, you don't want to win any of them.

Now this first award is a special one because we have a three way tie. Now as some of you may or may not be aware, participation in the forum census by the female gender is somewhat lacking. This time around, we literally had 3 young ladies enter. That's 3 out of a total of 24 entries. Not even 15% of the responses were by women. But surely the staff must be doing their part: leading by example as it were? Surely our resident Cid's Knights and Administrators who happen to possess vagina's got their entries in?

You'd think so wouldn't you. Now without further ado, I present:

The award for most active female forum staff who consistently disappoint me by failing to participate in a forum event no matter how much HC spams their inbox or I berate them for their undeniable apathy:

And the winners are, in no particular order of course:
Pike
FOA
Shlup

This census has been in need of better representation from the fairer sex from the beginning, yet these pillars of the community failed to get their entries in. Shlup in particular has decided to abstain in several of these over the years. I even berated her repeatedly for it in one reveal some time ago. At this point, I'm at a loss as to what would get her to actually send us a response since the insults aren't working.

So I leave it to you, people of EOFF. Is this forum event something you enjoy? Do you expect better of the people who protect you and nurture the... well welcoming probably isn't the best word... slightly less toxic than other forums perhaps, environment that we have here? Does not participation make all events more enjoyable? So I say demand that they show more interest. They should be first in line to participate in all forum events and yet they have been nowhere to be found.

So to end this post I will leave you with the names of the three who were kind enough to participate. For there is a storm coming, and may they take their rightful places when the glorious revolution is ended and the apathetic are laid low:

Freya
Melissaur
Jessweeee♪

I think Jessweeee♪ in particular deserves special mention. I have never failed to berate her opinions and treat her as though she is something less than human since I took over the census results for her inexplicable love of games like FFXIII, and if memory serves, FFVIII. Yet she responds everytime we start a new thread mining for answers which we will inevitably use against every last one of you. It's easy to support an event when you aren't continuously picked out of the crowd for being wrong, yet she takes it like a champ and keeps coming back for more.

For that she has my respect. Because god knows she'd never earn it for her taste in games.

[Jessweeee♪]

I love you too Vivi22 and also FFXIII is great.