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Thread: Marick D. Pauper Plays The Political Machine 2012!!!!!

  1. #1
    Score: 0 out of 2 Dignified Pauper's Avatar
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    Default Marick D. Pauper Plays The Political Machine 2012!!!!!

    What, you've never heard of it? Well let me tell you what it is... This game is more of a simulation of the campaign, but you can put in your own candidate!

    I was actually gifted this game by a benefactor on this forum. They may reveal themselves if they wish to become unanonymous... Anyway, let's meet our Candidates...

    THE INCUMBENT




    President Barack Obama!!!!

    Responsible for such stateside attrocities like Obama Care, suppressing Christian Rights, supporting the Homosexual Agenda, raising the deficit and a firm believer that the Government builds jobs. He's famous for the "you didn't build that." What a schmuck.


    THE CHALLENGER!!!!



    Weighing in at 125 Lbs, BEATRICE STONE! She's a newbie to the Republican Party, and a strong Tea Party supporter. She believes that America is a Christian Nation, opposes abortion and homosexuals, is outspoken about Obama Care's rationing of the health system, slams him for not reducing the deficit. She is mean, rhuthless, and driven by GOD!


    Stay tuned for exciting details...

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    Yossarian Lives Administrator Psychotic's Avatar
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    This looks cool and all, but I've been down this road far too many times with you before Marick, and it hurts me every time because I just want to believe. In fact let's all take bets on how many updates are made before the inevitable abandonment.

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    I'm just going to ignore Paul... with encouragement like that, I find myself ALREADY discouraged to finish. *closes thread*

    But seriously.


    ------------------------------------------------------------

    The First Five Weeks



    We start in our home states. Beatrice was born in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. Obama was a city boy, raised his campaign in Chicago. He took the L traaaaiiiinnn gooin' anyyyyyywhere. (Specifically Washington D.C.)

    We hold a Sizeable chunk of the Mountainous West and the Desert States, and Texas is fairly easy to win over! We also have some sway in the south as well. However, that Obama has California, Ohio, and the population of New England seems to be intense. We have a lot of work to do, so lets get started.

    First thing's first... Go on the ATTACK!



    Illegal Immigrants are stealing jobs from hard working Americans. We oppose them from coming into our country uninvited and working for lower wages. There are Americans out there willing to pick tomatoes, dig ditches, sweep trash, and live 20 to a room!



    We're also going to upgrade a campaign HQ in Denver. This is imperative, as our HQ provides a steady flow of cash for the campaign. Don't you say those phone banks don't work! We're raising $30,000 weekly now from just one phone bank! Obama can't match how Big Business fights to keep Republicans rich!


    While we're at it, let's run a campaign exposing Obama for the elderly killer he is!!!





    It's SUPER EFFECTIVE! That Obama won't know what hit him. He'll be all like:

    : OH NO! MY OBAMACARE!!!

    We got him on the run now!

    Our Next order of business should be to get some Endorsements... Let's go to TEXAS!



    We build a Consulting Office in order to get ourselves some endorsements. Our first one will be the obvious new movement...



    Tea Partiers are united against Obama! They can't stand his liberal agenda, his culture war or his skin color!



    OH BOY! We have REAL patriots on our side now!

    While we've got them on our side, let's really show them how much we care... by asking for money!



    A small amount. It'll have to do.

    And just to make certain that the voters know I'm not just some money grubbing lady, with a nice suit and hot knockers...



    WE NEED MORE JOBS!

    At this point, we're oblivious to Barack nObama. (c wot I did thar) But here's a recap of the fifth week...

    Attached Images Attached Images

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    Beautiful Elf Boy Mister Adequate's Avatar
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    This is great and I hope you smash NOBUMMER into dust and impose your Republican agenda

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    Score: 0 out of 2 Dignified Pauper's Avatar
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    Weeks 6-10

    Let's take a look at what states know about us. We need to be known about in order to get votes, afterall:



    Oh dear, we're not doing so well.

    Let's size up what's happening:



    Currently, we are trying to show the Seniors of Florida how bad the Obamacare is! Don't take away their Medicare to fund socialism!!!! WE VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE! In fact, we opened a television ad in Ohio to express this exact point! That OBAMA CARE WILL RAISE DEFICITS!







    As you can see, we've got Ohio, Texas and Colorado squared away, and the heartland is predominantly ours. Nobama holds an electoral college lead over us, but only slightly.

    You can also see our Consultant down in South Carolina. We've also run some smear TV ads against Obama for being prospending! WE HAVE A DEFICIT! WE NEED TO CUT SPENDING! CUT TAXES!

    However, although Beatrice Stone is a staunch conservative, mother of 3, and Christian, that didn't stop THIS from happening!



    tit!? Women hate us? What the hell are we going to do!?



    Talk more...



    Beg More...



    And secure the Chamber of Mothersmurfing Commerce in our favor! uMad Liberals? Big Money is on MY side!

    And then there are the polls...



    Who cares about Polls! It's early! We have 36 weeks left... smurf the people, we can buy their love!

    And then...



    ANOTHER ENDORSEMENT!? Well, it's the union. WE expected it. Always asking for handouts from big business, and then threatening the shut down of business by protesting. It's because the government has set a standard for minimum wage that has made these workers so entitled.

    Then there is the Media...



    These people don't know what is good for them. Beatrice Stone will fix everything! AUSTRIAN ECONOMICS! CHRISTIAN CONSERVATISM! ARE THESE PEOPLE BLIND!? And where are our business deals!?



    We needed more money... What's wrong with us? Why aren't we winning... Maybe it's Beatrice's looks...



    CHACHING! We'll hire someone to make her look more Presidential! That's just the key!

    And before the old wise up to these antics, let's make certain the know where they stand ...



    Beatrice Stone supports Social Security for seniors!

    What does Barnack Obamer support?



    BAILOUTS! Banks! Autos! Terrible Borrowers! Just bail out everyone he says! Not on our watch!

    With all our steamrolling of ads, we finally secure the endorsement we most wanted:



    Take that you Muslin!

    Then we fly to Illinois...



    Holy Moly! A movie director wants to do our advertising! Yes! Take that liberal hollywood! One of your own has joined us and is now promoting freedom, liberty and Jesus.

    We also picked up Oklahoma!



    Apparently, our exploits in the Eastern Seaboard has helped out! So let's take advantage and fly back to Texas.



    Holy Moly! Best fundraiser yet!

    While we're here... It's speech time:



    Bank bailouts... Banks got bailed out! We got sold out! - I think that was our line?

    But all of this sure is costly...



    And what's this...



    MICHIGAN IS HOTLY CONTESTED!!! We hadn't even visited yet! They clearly know that Jesus has picked Beatrice to be their compatriot!

    Might as well use the money we just made...



    Upgrading the consulting office. Half a mil, but whatever... write it off to the Chamber of Commerce please. Also, get me more endorsements!



    Did I mention we were spending money really quickly?




    It was a lovely day to Fly to Michigan after soaking the Texans. But we had a message to deliver:



    That Beatrice Stone supports reducing deficit spending. Too long has Washington been wasteful with our tax dollars! So much so that they have driven unemployment up and up. It seems like the perfect time to talk about it too!



    but then...



    Go figure...

    We'll see who the [strike]poor[/strike] colored people really favor!



    Hmmm, not us.

    Well, let's open a center in Michigan, and then leave it at that... with a Spin Doctor to pick up the mess.

    Onwards to...



    West Virginia! Those Rednecks need to know how we feel about ObamaCare. It's not enough to know that Obama supports it. They need to know that we OPPOSE IT!



    And now the time has come...



    Who will we pick?



    (I had no idea that Paul Ryan was going to be the IRL VP Nominee when I played this last night...)

    WOOOO PAUL RYAN! DEFICIT HAWK FROM WISCONSIN!



    Welcome to the map of the big leagues, P.R.

    We're now squaring off against Obama and Pelosi... yuck.


    (I'm pretty positive I probably am past week 10... whatever... it doesn't matter... I'm just going to complete something for once.)

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    Your very own Pikachu! Banned Peegee's Avatar
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    Grin

    I agree with paul. this is just bad.

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    Yossarian Lives Administrator Psychotic's Avatar
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    That map isn't looking healthy for you. Sure, you got Florida, but how the smurf does a Republican lose Louisiana and Arkansas? Go get your filthy home state of Ohio before it's too late. And by "too late" I mean "before you stop updating this thread" which I assume is imminent given that we have had 3 updates now.

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    Ahahahaha what son how on earth did you lose Arkiesaw and Louisianny?

    I'm enjoying this though, do not cease.

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    (charm)anders was right Pike's Avatar
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    OH MAN IS THIS LIKE PRESIDENT ELECT FOR APPLE II

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    YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICO?! Jowy's Avatar
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    The joke is that the Republicans are doing this RIGHT NOW and shooting themselves in the foot.

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    Whatever Weeks?



    Ohio is a key battleground state, and it's imperative that we capitalize on the fact that Barnarck Osama said that you didn't build your business? Really, you think government did?! Taxes are the problem! Bless and honor the entrepreneur! He's almost as important as Jesus!



    Fundraising is not going well...

    And in a surprise turn:



    The National Civil Liberties Union has endorsed us. (Think of this as the ACLU) Take that Borrack Nosama. The country is on to you! You hate America!



    The liberal media hates us! We haven't dropped in popularity, so much that Brorack Hussein Osama has just wooed the populace with magic fairy dust wishes.



    Adding insult to injury...


    Time to open a new HQ. This time in...



    PA!



    Here's an update. Nancy Pelosi is sitting in her home of Cali. She isn't doing anything but campaigning. I've got Paul Ryan in the Midwest! Hot diggity, look at all those battle ground states!

    My opponent is now moving into the farmlands of central US. What a worthless and futile attempt!



    It's true. All he does is tax and spend!

    What else?



    That's right! He supports the government controlling your healthcare! We didn't read the bill, but we were told what was in it.

    And while we're in Pennsylvania



    These saps are pretty damn poor... We need to increase this by five fold..


    Time to move to the West Coast! And what do we get?



    A KOOK! He's going to be giving documentaries to really show just how awesome we are!



    Obama is in Florida, trying to stop my message of truth, justice, and christ from reaching the elderly. He's POISON to this country.

    And now, I'm battling Pelosi for California.



    TV Ads are super important. Afterall, this is where Americans get their news.

    Also:



    No news is good news?


    Time to really bring home the thunder!



    We are going to REPEAL OBAMA CARE! We REFUDIATE the largest single tax increase in the past century!

    And then, we're gonna host a super fancy fundraising dinner:



    (This just in, Californians are as rich as they are stupid.)



    And we've got the foreign policy thugs on our side. Take that Burnackrobama!

    And then, National News hits us up!!!



    Bill O'Malley!!! He's our idol. We know he'll be with us all the way!









    We both end with similar smirks. We know we just crushed those Liberal Lemmings! So much so that:



    BOOM! TAKE THAT!

    And while we've ended on the topic of Deficit Reduction, and we're in New Jersey,



    We're going to make certain the NorthEast knows our name!



    Jesus Christ on a stick! Everyone in this nation is cheap. Don't they know we need to win!

    Onwards to the South!



    A new HQ is mandatory in Georgia.



    Looks like it was a wasted effort...

    But...



    It looks like we've got the NGOA on our side! We can't be beat with Christ, Guns, Liberty on our side! Let Freedom Ring!

    And let's get to the heart of the matter on every Georgian's mind:



    Gay Marriage... just thinking about it makes us sick, and we spend a lot of time thinking about it because they just throw it in our faces.

    And here's where we'll end:



    Obama is desperately trying to sway Michigan back to Blue.

    Pelosi hasn't done anything.

    Paul Ryan has stayed in the Midwest, keeping those states firmly contested.

    And our glorious candidate, Beatrice Stone, is wooing the South with her Rocky Mountain charm. John Denver, eat your heart out.

  12. #12
    Yossarian Lives Administrator Psychotic's Avatar
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    Idaho, Montana, Tennessee and Ole Miss too? You are really having your ass handed to you, aren't you? Poor old Marick.

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    You better not lose this election Marick. I will be very disappointed in you.

    They see me rolling. They hating, patrolling.
    Trying to catch me riding dirty.


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    Real life campaigns are terrible enough that I don't think I could bear playing a simulation. But I will say that you made a terrible choice with Ryan as VP. If Stone was serious about Jesus, she would have picked Rick Santorum; and if she was serious about entertaining us, she would have picked Herman Cain.

    Also, Obama is kicking your ass on that latest map.

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    Raistlin, I don't need your sass...

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