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Thread: Ants

  1. #1

    Default Ants

    My cousin is having pest problems. She says she hates ants, "They're plotting to take over the world."

    She claimed she had ants in her head.

    Response:
    "Ants are in your head? I think what you're more likely seeing crawling behind your eyes is those little specky micoorganisms we all have on our eyes.
    And that tickling sensation on your scalp is just your hair growing. And those tiny black dots dripping off your head and crawling around on the ground are just ants... ooh."

    How have you been a smartass to friends or family lately?
    Jack: How do you know?

    Will: It's more of a feeling really.

    Jack: Well, that's not scientific. Feeling isn't knowing. Feeling is believing. If you believe it, you can't know because there's no knowing what you believe. Then again, no one should believe what they know either. Once you know anything that anything becomes unbelievable if only by virtue of the fact you now... know it. You know?

    Will: No.

    If Demolition Man were remade today

    Huxley: What's wrong? You broke contact.
    Spartan: Contact? I didn't even touch you.
    Huxley: Don't you want to make love?
    Spartan: Is that what you call this? Why don't we just do it the old-fashioned way?
    Huxley: NO!
    Spartan: Whoa! Okay, calm down.
    Huxley: Don't tell me to calm down!
    Spartan: What's gotten into you? 'Cause it sure as hell wasn't me.
    Huxley: Physical relations in the way of intercourse are no longer acceptable John Spartan.
    Spartan: What? Why the hell not?
    Huxley: It's the law, John. And for your information, the very idea that you suggested it makes me feel personally violated.
    Spartan: Wait a minute... violated? Huxley what the hell are you accusing me of here?
    Huxley: You need to leave, John.
    Spartan: But Huxley.
    Huxley: Get out!
    Moments later Spartan is arrested for "violating" Huxley.

    By the way, that's called satire. Get over it.

  2. #2
    Quack Shlup's Avatar
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    Never. I would never wise-off to my dear, dear friends and family.

  3. #3
    bless this mess Clo's Avatar
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    Not sure if that example counts as being a smartass. And your cousin might be schizophrenic.
    Last edited by Clo; 08-20-2012 at 05:53 PM.

  4. #4
    Famine Wolf Recognized Member Sephex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shlup View Post
    Never. I would never wise-off to my dear, dear friends and family.
    Meanwhile, in Shulp's childhood...


  5. #5
    Recognized Member Shorty's Avatar
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    I thought this thread was going to be about ants.

    I'm not really a smartass to my family. We just blatantly insult eachother.

  6. #6
    Recognized Member Jessweeee♪'s Avatar
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    Ants are scary

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clo View Post
    Not sure if that example counts as being a smartass. And your cousin might be schizophrenic.
    Actually, the schizo in the family is none other than me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sephex View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Shlup View Post
    Never. I would never wise-off to my dear, dear friends and family.
    Meanwhile, in Shlup's childhood...[img]
    Nice.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shorty View Post
    I thought this thread was going to be about ants.
    It originally was... but then I realized I don't care about ants.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪ View Post
    Ants are scary
    Well, fire ants bite and there are giant ants... but then there are ants you can eat like grapes
    Jack: How do you know?

    Will: It's more of a feeling really.

    Jack: Well, that's not scientific. Feeling isn't knowing. Feeling is believing. If you believe it, you can't know because there's no knowing what you believe. Then again, no one should believe what they know either. Once you know anything that anything becomes unbelievable if only by virtue of the fact you now... know it. You know?

    Will: No.

    If Demolition Man were remade today

    Huxley: What's wrong? You broke contact.
    Spartan: Contact? I didn't even touch you.
    Huxley: Don't you want to make love?
    Spartan: Is that what you call this? Why don't we just do it the old-fashioned way?
    Huxley: NO!
    Spartan: Whoa! Okay, calm down.
    Huxley: Don't tell me to calm down!
    Spartan: What's gotten into you? 'Cause it sure as hell wasn't me.
    Huxley: Physical relations in the way of intercourse are no longer acceptable John Spartan.
    Spartan: What? Why the hell not?
    Huxley: It's the law, John. And for your information, the very idea that you suggested it makes me feel personally violated.
    Spartan: Wait a minute... violated? Huxley what the hell are you accusing me of here?
    Huxley: You need to leave, John.
    Spartan: But Huxley.
    Huxley: Get out!
    Moments later Spartan is arrested for "violating" Huxley.

    By the way, that's called satire. Get over it.

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