My Life as Tidus
Seventh Entry

It just so happens that I'm on another smurfing boat. Who'd have thought it, right? I bet this one actually gets sunk by Sin. Yevon smurf (it's a new phrase I've picked up here). But it's not all bad. I became one of Yuna's guardians! I don't think that counts as being friendzoned. I might actually have a better chance at hooking up with her now, actually. Plus, she has another furry beast; this one is called Ifrit and not only is he hot but he's also quite horny. They're puns. Ha ha.

Met the Luca Goers at the temple too. They are faggots. I'm going to take my sword with me when we play them. I will slice and dice the trout out of any Goer that looks at me the wrong way. Only I'm allowed to say the Aurochs are worse blitzers than retarded children crippled by Sin and toked up on Kilika palms. They are, but I want to make sure we goddamn win this tournament so we can show the entire world that Tidus is the very best blitzer ever. Oh yeah, that reminds me: I had some weird hallucination and learnt how to do my old man's special move. Don't know what the smurf actually happened but praise be to Yevon I guess?

Think I'm getting used to this fighting business too. Handling a sword is strange. Wakka told me handling a sword was like handling a penis - be firm but precise - but I think he was smurfing with me. I made a joke about him fondling balls. If I don't wake up in the morning, it's because he's pissed at me. Anyway we left Kilika and it's not as much a complete trout hole as when we arrived, but I'm looking forward to getting somewhere with showers. I accidentally shat myself the first time Sin attacked and I haven't had a chance to wash yet.