My Life as Tidus
Eight Entry

So much tit has happened in the past couple days, you wouldn't even believe me. So we cruised into Luca right. Big place. Loads of people around. Nobody I recognised though - well, that's not true, but I'll get to that. Anyway, they were showing off all the blitz teams. Didn't recognise any of them though. Maybe I did fall through time? Weird. I hated that those jackass Goers got so much attention when they were on the same damn boat as us. So I did something about it. Caused a bit of a stir. But then everyone got distracted by some old dude called Grand Maester Mika. I was staring at his buddy though, Maester Seymour or whatever. His hair is smurfed up, I need to find his stylist and see if I can get a cool do. Anyway they're like some priests or something, I don't know. Religion in this place is weird.

So anyway, someone said they saw Auron in a cafe so I blew off Wakka and the Aurochs. Winning the cup and showing up those titty Goers is great, but finally something familiar! Yuna thought he might be able to help me find my old man too, not that I really want to. But apparently Auron and Jecht go way back, helping out Yuna's dad with defeating Sin. Great job they did of it too, it's still smurfing around blowing tit up! Anyway along the way I tried to teach Yuna how to whistle and smurf she's useless.

Blue dude Kimahri's friends showed up and they got in a bit of a scrap but then someone shouted at us and I realised the first smurfing game had started. As I was about to bugger off I noticed Yuna was AWOL. Great guardian I am, guess I'm not getting sex any time soon. We found Lulu and I almost forget about Yuna for a second staring into her erm eyes but then she said the Psyches had kidnapped Yuna! Bastards wanted the Aurochs to throw the game! I figured we'd already lost it without me in there so I wanted to just take it easy but we ended up finding her on some ship and beating up crazy weird machines and tit. Good times all around if you ask me. Oh yeah, turns out Yuna is half Al Bhed and Wakka's a fullblown racist. Gotta keep those to myself.

So yeah minutes after the Aurochs one their first match we were back in the Sphere for the championship match. I don't know what kind of smurfed up tournament system they got here in this place but Wakka was still completely knackered so he sat it out. I scored using my old man's spastic technique but the fans weren't impressed. They started chanting for Wakka. I don't know why. I just left and told him to get his crippled ass in there. We won the game still, only just, but fanfare was short because some monsters showed the smurf up. Auron turned up too, and then that Seymour dude summoned some weird bondage aeon and I was a little turned on. We took care of that, Wakka told the Aurochs not to drop the shiny smurfing trophy on the way back to Besaid, Auron joined up with us and now we're heading to a place called Mi'ihen. Oh yeah, and apparently Sin is Jecht. What the smurf. I don't know why man but all this tit just makes me want to laugh.