1) Loony BoB has told Psychotic to "shut the smurf up". We don't allow swearing! We also don't allow people to order other people around in such a manner. Loony BoB has been a bad boy. He needs to be punished. What do you do?
Chances are something like that would have been said in jest. Since they are administrators, they are above me so I would feel uncomfortable stepping in. It's like if you are at work and you see two managers a couple of steps above you going at it. Really not a lot you can do...but...
If it turned out that the insult was serious and it continued, I would contact another admin to put a stop to it. That way I am doing the right thing without crossing any boundaries. I mean, who knows? For all I know another admin who wasn't involved in the altercation would be upset that I tried to directly step in, much like how at most "real" work environments, managers would get upset at a lead man for getting in the business of two other managers fighting.
2) Pike and I'm My Own MILF were caught having sex in front of the children at her kindergarten. That's disgusting! What do you do?
That took place in real life. Unless they post pics of it or CONSTANTLY, seriously talk about it, there isn't much we can do. Hilarious question, though. Currently at my parent's house visiting and I laughed out loud for real. I...didn't feel explaining why I was laughing.
2a) Now the kids are asking what they were doing. What do you tell them?
Oh god what? I didn't see this was a two part question at first. Well, if I were there I would naturally try to cover up what really happened for the kids, but would have to tell any authority figures the truth.
3) Wolf Kanno is drunk. Again. He's also posting pornographic pictures of Pike and I'm My Own MILF having sex in front of children into a thread in EoFF. What do you do?
As I said before, if the pics were posted then we have to do something. Not sure how much power one mod can use against another, but that would be a ban right there. If I didn't have the ability, then I would contact someone who can do something about it ASAP.
So yeah, unfortunately Wolf Kanno has to go. Then we investigate if Pike and MILF had anything to do with and proceed from there as far as their involvement, if any.
4) Shiny is replying to threads with nothing more than the statement "fire_of_avalon, I forgive you for what you have done. I'm sorry for what I have also done. Let's make up. Will you marry me?" This has nothing to do with the topic of the threads, and she will not stop. What do you do?
First, directly contact her, ask her what's up, and request for her to stop. If she stops, it ends right there. If not, warn her that you are going to do something to stop it.
If she doesn't heed my request, then I demod her, if I have that authority, or contact someone who can. I'm not saying that she won't get her privileges back, but that kind of spamming could quickly turn into forum vandalism if Shiny is having a bad moment. So doing that is more of a safety measure. From there, mods/admins investigate what happens and proceed from there.
5) Del Murder has set Eyes on Final Fantasy on fire. It's already reached The Lounge, and the smoke is making it hard for Raistlin and Vivi22 to breathe. What do you do?
Loony BoB obviously has a water element on him, so I team up with him and we ride our chocobos to the rescue. We pick up Raistlin and Vivi22, get clear, and high five as the fire is put out. Del Murder is a crafty dude, so he is long gone. It is later discovered that Del Murder retired in Costa Rica and runs a successful arson operation to scam insurance companies. EoFF was only a test run.
6) krissy has started a thread demanding that all of Staff step down because "they're a bunch of titty pussy wanking homotwats that couldn't tell a mothersmurfer from a toilet seat if it hit them on the head." What do you do?
That's only his opinion. It's rude, but maybe the guy just needs to vent? The first couple of times, mods should let it slide. I mean, how many times have people exchanged nasty words on this forum before? It happens. give a warning if need be.
If it continues then mods/admins should have a serious discussion on how to proceed. Again, be sure to give the guy a warning as well before any serious action is taken.
7) Rantzien has been constantly entering porn links into the #eoff chatroom. What do you do?
Ban from chat. I am not sure if that warrants a forum ban, but if it does, then unfortunately we have to see him go.
8) Hypoallergenic Cactuar is humping your leg. What do you do?
Look down, smile, and say, "We both knew you always wanted to do this."
9) Hypoallergenic Cactuar isn't humping your leg. What do you do?
I guess he didn't notice the My Little Pony tattoo I have there.
10) You're unsure of what to do. What do you do?
As I have said in other answers I contact someone who can inform me how to proceed. I am sure whoever wins this contest and gets to be a mod will be informed of how things work. If that's the case, I will keep that info ready until I am sure I know what I am doing without any point of reference.