I have the following sentences sewn in white thread upon the back of a black pair of jeans: "If you are trying to read this, you either have poor eyesight or nothing better to do. In either case, you assuredly have my pity. Yet I must beseech you to confront me about this print or to simply walk away now before you finish reading as I would prefer it if you did not stand idly while you continue to stare at my ass."