Originally Posted by
DJ Jewboy
Best Regular
Hey folks. This is Goldenboko’s roommate DJ Jewboy. I’m really tired, and Goldenboko isn’t letting me out of his room until I write this speech for him. I don’t know what this is about but he’s holding a cardboard tube and looking menacing and I’m sleepy so let’s do this.
I’ve got a lot of love for our regular forum posters. Regular, like my digestive track on a good day. Posters, like the signed limited edition Andrew Jackson Jihad poster I have in my room that depicts a phoenix battling a smurfing snake. trout’s crazy. The fact that they have been around for so long just fills me with joy and tenderness. Let me recount some of my fondest memories with each of them in reverse alphabetical order.
TrollHunter. My nephew in spirit. You have demonstrated great courage in the face of adversity (and trolls) in the form of communists. Yes, communists. While communism is a great idea on paper, human greed gets in the way and muggles everything up. So when we were in the trenched of Madagascar facing those damn commie-bed-bug-loving-lemon-stealing-whore-persecuting commandoes from the former USSR, and you reached over the body of our fallen comrade Timothy to touch my face, as if to tell me that it would all be over soon, I truly believed it for one small moment. And that was enough to get us out of there alive. The helicopters helped, but it was mostly you, TrollHunter.
shion. Your real name is Ashton I’ve been told just now by Goldenboko. I hear you hang out with that guy who’s not Charlie Sheen from two and a half men now. Dope. Learn to capitalize your letters and you’ll go far, kid. And tell Demi that you’re sorry things ended the way they did I guess. But only if that’s the way you feel. I don’t know your story.
Ramisese Rubabba the Third. You’re like a brother to me if I was brothers with a ghost piglet that died well before its time. I don’t, but sometimes I like to sit and ponder a world where that was the case. I then proceed to make decisions in this life with the added moral weight and hard lessons learned in that theoretical reality.
Melissaur. You are literally better than herpes.
Jenovajunkie. Speaking of Jenova which I’m now interpreting as Geneva, Switzerland, I have a story that I’ve been holding from you for our long acquaintance. I know you are addicted to facts about Geneva, as you are a self declared junkie. This is not actually about Geneva, but about Brussels, Belgium. I figured that facts about Belgium to a Swiss addict would be like giving cocaine to a heroine addict. Not the same, but still a bad idea. Now that I’m on my deathbed, I can hide this from you no longer. Once, I knew a kid we’ll call Mike because that was his name. Once, Mike ate a psychoactive mushroom that he really shouldn’t have and had an adverse reaction, which in this context means that he broke into his old dorm room, boiled a pot of water, and preceded to attempt to drink it. This led to screaming, severe burns, and a trip to the hospital. I thought you might like to know that. Miss you.
Hypoallergenic Cactuar. I have three hypoallergenic dogs. They’re not Cactaurs. They’re Cairn Terriers. Like Toto from the wizard of oz. My favorite thing about cactuses are that they have great fortitude. And you can make tequila from some of the them I guess. My least favorite thing Rubber Ducky about cacti are that they make poor boats. This has created a Rubby Ducky number of problems for me on a number of occasions. Also, that one time we snorted lines of Rubby Ducky crushed mentos off of your ex girlfriend’s chest was the best part of that night, in my opinion. Stay frosty.
Gamblet. I assume you’re a combination of Gambit of X men fame and Giblets, of part of a turkey fame. That’s a weird choice but I have nothing but respect for it. And you. And whenever we next seduce two women, bring them into the nearby forest, light a bonfire, and sacrifice whichever we have deemed more pure to Satan’s (and our own) glory, I will totally pay for the first round of drinks. Stay frosty.
Clo. Ver field was a great movie in my estimations. I hope they make a second one at some point.
streme Wheelie
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