Best Veteran
What makes a good veteran the
best veteran? How can you take an abstract idea like "good," raise it to superlative form, and expect to make an informed judgement? Well, the great philosopher Lao Tzu once wrote "The greatest good is like water," and all of these people are
eighty percent water. That's damned good.
The candidates:
Citizen Bleys
"Don't volunteer for a category you're nominated in," says Jiro, and then assigns me to do a category I'm nominated in. Well,
obviously, I'm not only the best veteran in the last 6 months but the best member in the history of EoFF ever, but I didn't even vote for myself because it's completely unfair to all of the plebes who have to compete with me. If you voted me for best member, you are probably a communist.
Denmark
This part is a bit hard for me to write because I don't go into #eoff so I know Denmark less well than literally every other EoFF'er in the history of ever. I considered writing some line about how he's his own country and who else can say that but then I decided not to because it would be utterly retarded and anyways you should vote for Denmark because he has my dog and if I ever want to see her alive again he's got to win.
Faris
I'll never forget the first time I met Faris. The battery was gone on my phone, so I flagged her down and asked her if she had the time, and you know what she told me?
"
Oh, better far to live and die
Under the brave black flag I fly,
Than to play a sanctimonious part,
With a pirate head and a pirate heart.
Away to the cheating world go you,
Where pirates all are well-to-do;
But I’ll be true to the song I sing,
And live and die a Pirate King!"
Then she stabbed me in the kidney. Seriously, what is
with people these days?
Formalhaut
Formalhaut (Alpha Piscis Austrini, Alpha PsA, α Piscis Austrini, α PsA) is the brightest star in the constellation Piscis Austrinus and one of the brightest stars in the sky. Formalhaut can be seen low in the southern sky in the northern hemisphere in fall and early winter evenings. Near latitude 50˚N, it sets around the time Sirius rises, and does not reappear until Anteaters sets. Its name derives from Arabic
fum al-ḥawt, meaning "dagger-fanged maw of the [Southern] Fish" (فُمْ اَلْحَوْتْ).
Wait, what?
Iceglow
And all who heard whould see him there
And all would cry, "Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle 'round him thrice
And close your eyes in holy dread
For he on honeydew hath fed
And drunk the Milk of Paradise!"
In fact, dude, you totally got played on that "Milk of Paradise" thing. It was actually goat semen.
Jowy
Ah, the Big Dabrowski! This nomination notwithstanding, he is one of EoFF's most underrated members, sticking with us through thick and thin even when I myself bellowed swear words at EoFF and left for years. I'll never forget the day I accidentally rickrolled him. I think he knew it was me because months later, when I least expected it, he exacted swift and final retribution and deposited my loathsome corpse into the sea. Seriously, what is
with people these days?
Laddy
At EoFF, Laddy usually plays the part of the sage old man. At the beginning of the Kilrathi War he was still a young man. However, by mid-2006, he was middle-aged and considering retirement. Sometime between 2007 and 2009, Laddy retired from active duty. However, rather than leave EoFF for good, he transferred to the Systems and Network Operations Team (SNOT) to work as a spy and under cover operative for the staff. During the intervening years he participated in a number of actions, including the Gorah Khar incident, in which the Kilrathi colonists on the planet successfully rebelled against the Empire of Kilrah. During the entire course of his service in this field, he operated out of a heavily-modified Free Trader-class Transport named the TCS Bonnie Heather. Laddy is played by John Rhys-Davies.
Mercen-X
An enigma wrapped in a mystery coated in rich chewy caramel, little is known about the origins of Mercen-X except that you do
not want to know how Mercen-A through Mercen-W turned out. Seriously. If it hadn't been for them, Pluto would still be a planet today. As for the current incarnation, if the gut-wrenching screams emanating from his shadowy atelier are any indication, he is presently functioning at optimal efficiency.
NorthernChaosGod
NCG is my second-favourite chaos god after Mardük, but Mardy's dead so it's NCG we have to deal with. Throughout history, he has been known for championing the cause of furthering understanding between mortals and chaos gods who really, aren't that bad and just want to be loved. He lurks in the shadows, seeking out those in need of guidance, waiting until the time is ripe to dispense sage advice such as "You kill that whore, Norman, you kill her dead!" After his home planet was destroyed by Klingons, NCG joined forces with B.A. Baracus of the A Team to defeat communism before making his home at EoFF once and for all.
Peegee
Pee Gee Herman is a comic fictional character created and portrayed by Canadian comedian Pika Chan. He is best known for his two television series and film series during the 1980s. The childlike Pee Gee Herman character developed as a stage act that quickly led to an HBO special in 1981. As the stage performance gained further popularity, Chan took the character to motion picture with Pee Gee's Big Adventure in 1985, toning down the adult innuendo for the appeal of children. In spite of this, Pee Gee is perhaps best known for his 1977 hit "Stayin' Alive."
Sephex
It was the beginning of the summer in '82 when his mother gave birth to the Sephex crew. 19 years later had him lookin' at eyeson, legendary ownage was on the horizon. Other oldbies talk trout but it's all just talk, Sephex throws down with a thing called rock. So go with the flow, it is said if you can't groove to this than you probably are dead. OK that was really horrible. I won't do it again, I promise. Sephex has been around for a sod of a long time, but for the first few years I just saw him as "that guy that edczxcvbnm knows IRL." Little did we know it was all only camouflage to conceal the now undeniable fact that Sephex is the secret identity of Darkwing Duck.
I'm on to you.
Shauna
Shauna came to EoFF when her home planet, Melmac, was destroyed in a nuclear apocalypse. Hunted by the KGB, she survived by her wits on the mean streets of Moscow before escaping to the West during the collapse of the Soviet Union. Encoded in her DNA are the plans for a top-secret Soviet nuclear submarine that no longer matters because even if they built it today, it would be rubbish by modern standards. The submarine was the first of its kind to feature an onboard NES console, but the only game available for it was Tetris. Shauna eats cats.
The Man
Freedo has frequently been my partner in crime when I come up with an idea too mad for anyone else to listen to. I once enrolled him in the Communist Party as a joke and we're
still on speaking terms. That's how easy this guy is to get along with. Frequently maligned in the past, he's provided sanctuary for EoFF'ers who became disgruntled with EoFF during its rough phases, when otherwise a lot of us, myself included, would no doubt have done something to get ourselves banned. For those who don't think Freedo's any fun, I refute it thus:
Who else would let me get away with this trout?
streme Wheelie
Recognized Member
Originally Posted by Citizen Bleys
Best Veteran
So much interference on these Ciddies I think Award Guy has been compromised
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