Barret: Tifa! Wha’ in the hell is a Biggs?

Tifa: I'm not sure, but there seems to be a Biggs, or something like it, in almost every world...

Barret: What the hell did the original Biggs do? The one this award is about?

Tifa: Well, Cid - er, Cid Highwind, that is - says the original Biggs is a legendary spaceship pilot. I wasn't aware of him, so I guess he's not that famous...

Barret: That’s not $@!% useful at all in no Final Fantasy series!

Tifa: I think they had controlled space travel in FFVIII...

Barret: Ah, who cares!? How in the hell do we know which is which?!

Tifa: Beats me. THREE of the nominees are already Biggs…

Barret: Well that’s just plain silly. He’s already Biggs for Christ’s sake!

Tifa: Another one is Gibbs… very funny guys. It’s almost like he’s a Biggs with one letter changed!

Barret: Give me that list, so far this just sounds dumb. TWO DIFFERENT WEDGES?! They’re already Wedge!! Why should he be changed to @$!% Biggs?!?

Tifa: Calm down Barret before you hurt someone!

Barret: Zell Dincht? What kind of pansy name is that? Says here all he wants is hot dogs. What in the hell does that have to do with flying a spaceship?

Tifa: I have no idea, Barret.

Barret: Are we done yet?

Tifa: Not yet.

Barret: ...Done yet?

Tifa: I said not yet!

Barret: Yo...

Tifa: Look, if you’d quit asking me and just read off the last name on that list we can leave!

Barret: Man, I don’t even want to know, this thing is nonsensical enough as it is.

Tifa: Give me the damn list! ...Zorn is the last one.

Barret: Some clown freak?!!

Tifa: Yup...

Barret: That’s it?

Tifa: Yes, you can go once we've opened the envelope and read it out.

Barret: SWEET.

Tifa: And the winner is...