Don Corneo: Woohoo! It's time for the Cutest Female award, yeowza! And who better to judge the nominations than yours truly, the connoisseur of love, the capo of cuties...the Don himself! Woohoo! That's right pussycats, Corneo is here and he's going to be taking one of you lovelies home with him to... ah... wait. No. I can't do this. Who am I kidding. Look Skotch, Kotch, I'm grateful that you invited me here for this, even if it meant coming to this opera place. And I know what you're trying to do. But it's just not the same anymore.
I'm not the same. Ever since...
that incident long ago...
Look, my fellow characters, i'm sorry for holding up your ceremony and everything, but it's been a difficult time for me, you know. Let me tell you my sad tale...
...
...
...
...and they just don't do it for me anymore. Not like they used to. I mean- What? What do you mean shut up, you don't care?! Do you know who you're talking to here?! Oh what's the use. Let's just get this over with. Come on, line 'em up in front of me so I can go back home to Sector 6. Woo hoo lovely women who have we got first yadda yadda ect ect.
Hmmm---Hmmmmmm! Yes this is... no, it isn't. Seriously guys. I mean look, don't get me wrong, they're all perfectly cute, but they're just not what I'm looking for these days. I mean for starters, Aeris? Really? I already turned her down once for something better, so why would you bring her to me again? And Garnet and Rydia... I mean I'm not saying they're bad, but couldn't you have found someone with broader shoulders? Just a tint of facial hair? No? Ugh. Send them away, bring in the next lot.
Oooh boy. I'm actually kind of depressed. Looking at these two fine, energetic young cuties reminds me of my old self. The me who would have commit heinous crimes to make one of these fine young specimens spend the night in my bed chamber. I can see the looks they're getting from some of the audience and... that used to be me. No, no. Remove them from my sight. Let's hurry and get this over with. Who else have we got?
...?! Wait, what? Are you
serious? Christ, I know I said I used to be the type of guy who would commit a crime but not THAT! What are you doing bringing these two out here in front of me? You do realise who I am don't you? Good god, people. No, no girls. It's not you. You're both very lovely. Please don't cry. Go on, go home. Hoooo boy. Could this day actually get any worse?
...Ew. What. No. Oh god. Please, stop talking. Look girly, I'm a mobster, I know bad people and I can do bad thin-UGH. For the love of god, shut up! What is that accent? OH GOD. SOMEONE PLEASE GET HER AWAY FROM ME.
This whole thing has been a bust. I'm just going to get out of here and go home. I don't know why I even agreed to come to this place. I mean, look at all of you! What right to any of you have to judge other peoples cuteness? Wherever I look, all I can see are the dregs of human soci...
Hmmm? Hmmm--hmmm! Yes... yes! Gya-ha-ha-ha! *furious hip wiggling*
Say, Award Chocobo, you're the guy in charge right? Before you get on with the ceremony, let me ask you a question. Why would a guy like me who hasn't enjoyed any of this so far or any of the women paraded before me suddenly be so happy?
1. Because he's lost his mind.
2. Because he's spotted the "girl" of his dreams.
3. Because he's sure he'll win.
Award Chocobo: Uhm... number two?
Don Corneo: Wooohooo! Exactly!! Yes yes, splendid splendid! Someone bring that fine young pussycat over to me! No, no, that one! Yes her! Come on over, honey!
Well, well, well!!! This must be the Don's lucky day. You're exactly the kind of healthy young girl I've been looking for ever since that incident. What's your name, baby? "Kuja", you say? Hmmm---hmmm. Yes I understand. Your type of woman always did prefer to use a performance name, right? That's fine with me baby! Why don't you say we get out of this dump and head back to my mansion? I'll treat you just right. And when we get there, what will you do for me? Anything? Well in that case... I want a kiss. A KISS! WOOOOOHOOOO! Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to come here after all! Thanks, everyone! Enjoy your awards! I know I'm going to enjoy my night! Oh, oh, almost forgot - and the winner is...
