Award Chocobo: Just one moment while we get someone in to pull Jecht off stage, folks. Won't be long...
Award Chocobo: Just one moment while we get someone in to pull Jecht off stage, folks. Won't be long...
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Cutest Male
The Nominees
Gau - FFVI · Hope Estheim - FFXIII · Laguna Loire - FFVIII · Tidus - FFX · Vivi Ornitier - FFIX · Zidane Tribal - FFIX
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Ashe & Penelo
Ten minutes after presenters are expected to arrive with the award....
Ashe: I apologise, denizens of Final Fantasy for my tardiness here tonight, but I had important business to attend to with Al-Cid Margrace regarding the creature rights abuses act. Apparently, Slavens are now a protected species, so Vaan, no more tanned hides for you I’m afraid!
Slight ripple of laughter from audience.
Ashe: As for the whereabouts of my partner, Penelo, I cannot say. I am sure you will all feel sympathetic for dear Penelo, she has gotten into the wrong crowd and the Judge Magisters believe that she is now part of a dangerous organisation known as the Mafia. While these are dark days for Ivalice, let us not dwell on this and instead focus on the awards this evening. I myself have been around several very attractive men, Balthier being just one of them. However, what defines cuteness? Hope Estheim, ladies and gentlemen, perhaps is the epitome of cuteness! Having already modelled for Prada and having that cute, feminine charm, Hope could very well be a winner - and what of Tidus? I hear that Judge Drace has a particular fondness for Tidus and his lovely Spira tan while Laguna Loire is a sexy hunk with a cute side.
Wolf whistles from audience.
Ashe: Oh, Rikku! Stop it, you little animal! We also have Vivi, whose self-doubt and yearning for friendship definitely makes him a contender, while some of the furries in the audience feel Zidane’s tail is the closest they're going to get to living out their cute, kinky fantasies. But that is enough speeches from me. Having already met with Al-Cid I feel like my tongue has already been rammed down my throat, I should probably drink a potion to make my throat better. Anyway, the golden envelope is...
Seconds pass as Ashe frantically searches for envelope, hushed voices in audience
Ashe: This cannot be happening. This is more embarrassing than believing Ondore’s lies!
Penelo: Aha! My nefarious deeds have succeeded once again! First escaping lynch in Dalmasca, now this! "Oh boy," everyone says to Penelo, "you're too boring to be a main character.” Well, ha ha ha! I get the last laugh! Everyone is expecting to know the winner of Cutest Male, no? But they'll only know if you, Ashe, give me half the worth of your kingdom!
Ashe: But what do you have against me!?
Penelo: Simply that you're above me in the party select screen. I have an immense hatred of being last and being at the bottom really sucks. Now hand it over!
Ashe: Well... *sigh* I guess I have no choice... here....
Ashe happens to be carrying 12,100,400 gil, and hands it over!
Penelo: Now thank you for that. Gee. This is heavy... don’t know how Vaan carries all that loot plus equipment plus gil around... sheesh...
Penelo leaves.
Ashe: Sorry for the delay everyone. The winner of cutest male is...
And the winner is...
Vivi Ornitier
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Sexiest Female
The Nominees
Fran - FFXII · Lightning - FFXIII · Lulu - FFX · Quistis Trepe - FFVIII · Rikku - FFX · Rinoa Heartilly - FFVIII · Rydia - FFIV · Tifa Lockhart - FFVII
Please give a warm welcome to the presenter of this award...
Quina Quen
Quina Quen: I was so delighted when Award Chocobo asked me to do the award for Tastiest Food/Meal. It was an honor for me and I did not want to disappoint him. I have reviewed all the contestants and to make sure it was accurate I had a second helping of each. Here is my review for your enjoyment.
Flan
Flan is a delicacy that is usually served for dessert. I really appreciate dessert since getting through a big dinner can really leave me hungry. This one was pretty good but a little too sweet. Maybe served on top of a deep fried frog would make it better.
Limabean
I have eaten a lot of beans. More than there are feathers on a chocobo. These beans are green like frogs which I appreciate. They are good as a snack on the go but if I was served these as a meal I would be offended and would probably end up eating the wait staff.
Fufu
This may not look very good but it has everything I would need. It is savory and hearty and the best thing is that you can eat it with your hands. I find this most effective since it cuts out the middle man. Plus my fork is usually used for fighting monsters trying to steal my food.
Quesadilla Crepe
This savory crepe blends flavors from multiple regions. This is something I appreciate because I am currently in mixed-heritage relationship.I thought this would taste more like a taco than it did. I liked it but in the end it only made me want a taco.
Ricotta
Like every intelligent thing that ever lived, I love cheese. Ricotta goes best when filling a pasta or bread and I have not really had it plain. After several hand fulls I can say that I am hooked. My next adventure is to try a ricotta filled frog. It would probably be my dream come true.
Romaine Heart lettuce
I stopped eating leaves after that time I ate poison oak. Plus there is no sport in trying to catch a tree for your dinner. I did try these for this event but I did not like them. Maybe it would have been better in a salad with some bacon, cheese, frog legs, and a whole lot of creamy dressing.
Raita
This item is considered a dip and goes best when you have something to dip in it. I will give you one guess what I used to dip. That's right, frogs! I can not believe you all know me so well. It is like you are all my best friends. Any way, this was delicious and I went through 15 frogs before I got to the bottom of the bowl.
Tofu Lobster
I will have to say that this is an odd combination even for me and I was surprised to find it on the list. After trying 5 or 6 helpings (had to be sure) I can say that it is pretty good. I guess lobster is like frogs since anything goes well with it.
Award Chocobo: Psst! Quina! You're supposed to talk about the nominees for Sexiest Female! Fran, Lightning, Lulu, Quistis, Rikku, Rinoa, Rydia and Tifa!
Quina: I just did! You not listening!? The winner is...
And the winner is...
Tifa Lockhart
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Award Chocobo: A sexy lady always gets a lot of photos!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Sexiest Male
The Nominees
Auron - FFX · Balthier - FFXII · Bartz Klauser - FFV · Basch fon Ronsenburg - FFXII · Cloud Strife - FFVII · Edgar Roni Figaro - FFVI · Squall Leonhart - FFVIII · Zack Fair - FFVII:CC
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Paine, Rikku & Yuna
Yuna: Hay guuurrrrrrrlllls what's going on?!
Rikku: YUNA IS SOOOO PRETTY!
Yuna: We all look like sexy muffins!!!
Paine: Uhm, guys we're here for a reason and everyone is watching...
Rikku: To put on a show?!! Sing Yunie!!
Paine: NO NO NO! We're here to present the nominees for Sexiest Male -_-;;
Yuna: Ooooooooooohhhh... Who are the nominees? I want to see some hot studs!!!
Paine: ...Read the teleprompter! Also, we may need microphones so that everyone can hear us.
Yuna: Can everyone hear us?!!
Rikku: This microphone looks like an ice cream cone!
Yuna: Whoaaaaa, I never noticed that before. I wonder if they taste like anything!
Paine: Will you two focus! Also that's not food...
Rikku: Owie, my teeth!
Paine: Bitch, what did I tell you? Read the teleprompter!!
Yuna & Rikku: ooooooooooh...
All three: The nominees for Sexiest Male are....
Yuna & Rikku: You read the names Paine! You're good at reading things!
Paine: *sigh* First is... Auron from Spira
Yuna & Rikku: EWWWWWWWW He's old!! And... like... dead or something.
Paine: Oh come on you two, if you had to be some old guy's love kitten it would totally be him. He's soooo mysterious_
Yuna: He's like the dad of the group. Ew, just go to the next guy! I want to see some hotties!
Rikku: MONKEY!
Paine: No, Rikku... Next is Balthier from Ivalice
Yuna & Rikku: OOoooohhh
Yuna: He can steal my treasure any day!
Rikku: I will be a bunny for him any day! :mymelomfg:
Paine: He is quite smashing, yes. Next is Bartz Klauser from World V
Yuna & Rikku: Meh!
Yuna: He's a bit scrawny...
Rikku: Wasn't his name originally Butz? That worries me...
Yuna: Yeah! and he toooootttaaaaallllly found some dude hot
Paine: Dude turned out to be a chick, didn't you play past the first 10 minutes?
Yuna: A butterfly flew in and I forgot what I was doing.
Paine: Why do I hang out with you air heads? Anyway Basch fon Ronsenburg from Ivalice
Yuna & Rikku: Because you love usssss! Another old dude, NEXT!!
Paine: You two are so judgemental, that stubble can take me home every night 24/7
Yuna & Rikku: Paine is into old dudes! Paine is into old dudes!!
Paine: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! What do you two think of Cloud Strife from World VII?
Rikku: ooooooh, he has a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig sword. It's shiny too :whaaa:
Yuna: It's deeefinitely compensating for something but he's so mysterious and dreamy...
Paine: Awwwww yyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh he and I can compare swords any day!
Yuna:
Paine: ...bitch don't judge me. See?! I have a big sword too! See?
Yuna: It's not that big.
Paine: Quiet, you... Edgar Roni Figaro from the World of Balance/Ruin
Rikku: Heeeeeeyyyyy where did the shiny go?!!!!!???
Paine: You were staring the entire time? -_-
Rikku: Shiny gone
Paine: Well check out Edgar, shiny sword man will be back later.
Rikku: OKAYYYY!! Oooooh, he has a cape, does that mean he's Superman?! ...!! DOES HE FLY?!
Yuna: Maybe he's like Batman and Batman is super rich!
Yuna & Rikku: Either way he's super dreamy~
Paine:... You guys are dumb. Squall Leonhart from World VIII. Now there's a sexy muffin man sword.
Yuna: He kind of reminds me of you Paine. With the whole black leather thing. What is with that anyway? It's weird and doesn't that like... make it harder to move?
Rikku: HIS SWORD GOES PEW PEW!!
Paine: At least I don't dress like a slut!
Yuna: Hey, that was mean!!
Rikku: Noooo Yunie is crying!
Paine: Please stop crying. This leather is giving me a wedgie and putting off my mood. I didn't mean it!
Yuna & Rikku:
Paine: Uhm... here, look! Big shiny is back thanks to Zack Fair From Gaia VII
Yuna & Rikku: oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh :whaaa::whaaa:
Paine: Phew, dodged that one.
Tidus: HEEEEEYYYY Why wasn't I nominated for this? Yuna thinks I'm sexy!
Paine: Tidus, you look like Meg Ryan
Tidus:
Paine: *sigh* Sure, whatever...
Wakka: You bitches be crazy! Play more Blitzball!
Paine: ...Can I go home now? Oh, right, the envelope. And the winner is...
And the winner is...
Balthier
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Best Moment
The Nominees
Clash of the Gardens - FFVIII · Death of Aeris - FFVII · End of an Era - FFXIV · Squall and Rinoa in Space - FFVIII · The Opera House - FFVI · Tidus & Yuna Love Scene - FFX · Tidus Disappears - FFX · You're Not Alone sequence - FFIX
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Cloud, Squall, Tidus & Zidane
So We have to present the best moment award... well this one will be easy, this forum loves space so....
NO! It'll be End of an Era, did you see that destruction? DID YOU SEE THE EXPLOSIONS?!
You're not going to say it'll be Aeris?
Why do you bring that up again, I thought I told you that was in the past and we should never speak of it.
Touchhhy. Okay other than end of an era which one do you l--
Ooh ooh ahh ahh!
What is that?
Oh that's my pet monkey! Zidane!
Oooh ooh ahh ahh!
Who's a cute monkey! You're a cute monkey!
oooooh ooooh!
Which one do you like monkey man!
Ahh ahhh oooh!
What'd he say?
Do I look like I speak monkey?
GUYYYYSSSSSSSS
Crap, who invited Tidus?
Guyysss what are you doing withouttt meeeee?
Stop crying! We're just presenting an award!
Without me
Stop... stop crying.. tidus.. stop-- we... STOP CRYING!
All I do is befriend you guys. I just want you to play blitzball with me. And you don't even want to be friends, you don't invite me to speeches or yoga practice! I was looking for you guys I needed to tell you a story...
This isn't another story about how you stepped on a bug and that made you sad is it?
... oooh.....
God Tidus, this is why we didn't invite you, you're too emotional.
I'M NOT EMOTIONAL!
YES YOU ARE.
Why'd you invite the monkey and not me!
Cause the monkey is adorable. Aren't you, you're just so cute!
Oooh oooh ahhh!
Ugh, we need to see who won this award
Ooo OO AhhhAhhh
What are you doing?
He's a monkey too! We're all going to become monkeys! AHHHHH.
I think he knows what moment won! I'm trying to ask the monkey what won!
....
I think that award chocobo can speak monkey. Let's ask him!
Why can't you ask me?
No one would tell you who won, it'd upset you. You're too emotional.
I'M NOT EMOTIONAL!
Hey Award Chocobo, What's the monkey saying? Who won? Oh, right, the envelope... whatever. And the winner is...
And the winner is...
Death of Aeris
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Best Song
The Nominees
Aerith's Theme - FFVII · Answers - FFXIV · Battle at the Big Bridge - FFV · Eyes on Me - FFVIII · Liberi Fatali - FFVIII · Melodies of Life - FFIX · One Winged Angel - FFVII · Rose of May - FFIX · Suteki Da Ne - FFX · Terra's Theme - FFVI · You're Not Alone - FFIX
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Edward & Golbez
Edward: And now, for the most significant award of the event, which rewards the greatest music of our worlds with boundless prestige~! It is the one...the only...Best Song!
Golbez: ... Now do you people understand why I bombed the stuffing out of his country?
Edward: The candidates:
The FFVI Opera House orchestra being playing Aerith's Theme.
Edward: *wipes away a tear* Such a poignant, moving theme! How could anyone fail to be inspired?
Golbez: Easy: By not being a wanker.
The orchestra change a page and Answers is played.
Golbez: Actually, this song isn't half bad. Brooding and melancholy, just the way I like it.
Edward: You would approve of any song that raises the suicide rate by a statistically significant margin wherever it is played.
The music then shifts to Battle on the Big Bridge.
Edward: A powerful, stirring anthem! With every note, it raises spirits and martial wrath! The perfect theme to play while shooting down the Red Wings!
Golbez: Yeah, that really worked out well for you, didn't it?
A piano solo kicks in for Eyes on Me.
Golbez: Complete rubbish. This is the kind of song that weak-willed fool Kain would like.
Edward: *sighing* Oh, Anna...
Suddenly, Liberi Fatali catches everyone's attention.
Edward: An upbeat, powerful theme. The Latin chanting gives it a certain...I don't know what...
Golbez: Incomprehensibility?
Melodies of Life is sung.
Golbez: If this song gets any more cloying I swear I will literally puke.
Edward: It is so...rich, so poignant...LIFE IS WONDERFUL!
Golbez: *vomits all over Edward*
The song One Winged Angel bursts into life.
Golbez: Bells, sparks, Italy, eat a bell, Batman pees
Edward: Sephiroth!
The orchestra switch over to Rose of May.
Golbez: Let me guess, Edward: Poignant, moving, and beautiful?
Edward: No, even I think this song sucks.
The sounds of Suteki Da Ne flow through the Opera House.
Edward: This sounds like a song I'd write: fraught with emotion, and well placed changes of tempo. I only wonder what the words mean?
Golbez: It's a recipe for General Tso's Chicken.
Terra'a Theme meets the ears of all in attendance.
Edward: OK, big reveal time: I actually did write this song, but my version was better. Why did Uematsu change it to piano instead of harp?
Golbez: Because the 16th century is over?
The orchestra finish off with You're Not Alone.
Golbez: This one is actually quite good. It's got enough energy to bomb a country to.
Edward: What, you mean there's actually a song you don't hate?
Golbez: I'll have to think on that. Come on, let's just announce this thing. And the winner is...
And the winner is...
One Winged Angel
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Award Chocobo: Wark! We're going to cut to some footage in from Award Cactuar just now, I'm told it's pretty good stuff! Let's check it out!
Whatever - Squall Leonheart (click to hear Squall sing!)
I'm free to be whatever I
Whatever I choose
And I'll drink Cid's booze if I want
I'm free to call whatever I
Whatever I see fit
Shiva or Ifrit it's alright
Always seems to me
Life's real tough when you're working for SeeD
Come on now Selphie
Let's summon Doomtrain
And cause some pain
Buy a flail for yourself
It don't cost much
Free to cast whatever feels
Whatever feels nice
Poison or Ice it's alright
You're free to be wherever you
Wherever you please
With Irvine Kinneas if you want
It always seems to me
That I hate the Triple Triad Club Queen
How long's it gonna be
Before this god damn fool
Drops the random rule
Get a grip on yourself
Frustrating, much?
I'm free to be whatever I
Whatever I choose
And I'll flirt with Xu if I want
Squall belts out a tune. Photographer: DrAssenov
Scar on my face
Adventures in space
End up in Jail
Watch Zell's hot dog fail
But you know what's fun?
A sword that's a gun!
Yeah I know it's a sword gun!
Oh I know it's a sword gun!
I'm free to be whatever I
Whatever I choose
And I'll help PuPu if I want
I'm free to be whatever I
Whatever I choose
And I'll sing the blues if I want
Whatever you do
Whatever you say
Yeah I know it's alright
Whatever you do
Whatever you say
Yeah I know it's alright
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Best Town/Location
The Nominees
Archades - FFXII · Golden Saucer - FFVII · Lindblum - FFIX · Macalania - FFX · Midgar - FFVII · Rabanastre - FFXII · Treno - FFIX · Zanarkand - FFX
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Laguna & Stiltzkin
Laguna: Hey everyone! Reporting to you are the world travelers! Laguna and Stiltzkin! My journalism adventures have let me seen quite the sights! And Stilzkin has delivered letters throughout the world! Therefore we have been chosen to deliver this speech on the greatest towns, cities, and locations of all of Final Fantasy! Using our expertise, and photographic experience... oh no! My stomach is acting up again! Stilz! Take over!
Stiltzkin: Humans! The list of nominees are Archades from the world of Ivalice, the Golden Saucer from the world of Gaia VII, Lindblum from the world of Gaia IX, Macalania from the world of Spira, Midgar from the world of Gaia VII, Rabanastre from the world Ivalice, Treno from the world of Gaia IX, and Zanarkand from the world of Spira! That was a mouth full! Laguna take back over while I untie my tongue!
Laguna: I gotcha Stilzy! Let's start this thing off with some pictures I once took of Archades!
Oh man! What a huge and beautiful city!
Stiltzkin: I'm up next! Here's a postcard of Lindblum that I once delivered!
Isn't it beautiful? And here's Treno! The Dark City!
Whoops! This is the wrong bag! This is a picture of the overworld view! Laguna take over while I find the right pictures!
Laguna: I got your back buddy! Here's some shots I once snapped of the amazing city Zanarkand! The city that never sleeps! And no, I don't mean Deling!
More Zanarkand!
You ready Stiltzkin?
Stiltzkin: I was born ready! This next picture is going to be a bit big, because it's one of the most famous views of Midgar and one of the most famous views of all of Final Fantasy.
Laguna: Takin' Midgar huh! That's cheat codes in terms of putting up a good snapshot!
Stiltzkin: You put up a picture of Zanarkand!
Laguna: Yeah, yeah! My turn! Time for a picture of the marvelous city of Rabanastre!
What a view!
Stilzkin: Indeed! Now we're on to Macalania.
Laguna: Finally a location that isn't a city!
Stiltzkin: I have the perfect picture for this!
Laguna: You used a picture of them making out? Stilz-y... you... dog!
Stiltzkin: I'm not a dog! I'm a moogle!
Laguna: Time for our final location! The Gold Saucer!
Stiltzkin: Beautiful view! Time to see who the winner is! Like we practiced....
Stitlzkin and Laguna: The winner is....!
And the winner is...
Midgar
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Best World
The Nominees
Gaia - FFIX · Gaia - FFVII · Ivalice - FFT, FFTA, FFXII · Spira - FFX · Terra - FFIX · Vana'diel - FFXI · World of Ruin - FFVI
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Ifrit & Shiva
And the winner is...
Ivalice
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Award Chocobo: If you think this show is just about the people, you're wrong! In fact, just to prove the point, here's a couple of Shadow Creepers that were making their way down the red carpet earlier on...
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Best Summon
The Nominees
Alexander · Anima · Bahamut · Carbuncle · Doomtrain · Ifrit · Odin · Shiva
Please give a warm welcome to the presenter of this award...
Rydia
Rydia: Teehee! Rydia here! I'm going to introduce all my friends from the Summon world to all of you before one of them is given a fantastic award.I'm so excited to this because I got to meet so many of these fine summons while in the summon world! Let me tell you, most of them are pretty nice monsters really! Assuming you can get over hideous apparences, which was pretty easy for me to do after traveling with Dark Knight Cecil! Time to introduce my buddies!
AlexanderI may have not gotten to meet Alexander in my world, but holy poo does he look like a badass! A summon that is an entire Castle? Just... wow! Zemus would've been in for a surprise if I summoned that on him! I've heard that in some worlds, Alexander is even more powerful than Bahamut. That's crazy. His powerful signature move is Divine Judgement!
AnimaI sense much sadness from this one
. However, holy crap the scene in the Blitzball arena from Final Fantasy X? All those monsters just *poof* gone! Who didn't want this fearsome lady on their team? I bet most people start a pure use Anima strategy as soon as they got her! You know I'm almost questioning if my game's summons where underpowered after these two! Her signature move in the one game she was in was "Oblivion".
Bahamut
Bahamut! Although Bahamut did not stay with us in the land of summons I'd hear about him all the time from Leviathan! He's super cool and has been in all the games since the first! Because he's the best and you all should've voted for him.
Sorry, suppose to be impartial! His awesome-tastic signature move is Mega-Flare!
CarbuncleOH MY GOD. IT IS SO CUTE. I LOVE IT'S CHOICE OF COLORS. IT'S SO FLUFFY I COULD DIE.
DoomtrainI'm going off the rails on a doom train! :sing: Although a bit weird looking, I've heard this guy was one of the most useful summons of all of Final Fantasy VIII!
IfritI've had some experience summoning Ifrit! He's fire still kind of scares me... But he definitely is strong and intimidating! I can understand how he got some nominations! His signature move is Hellfire!
OdinOdin! He has a habit of testing a Summoner before joining him or her! He's definitely no push over. The power to instantly kill your foes though? Pretty darn cool if I do say so myself! His signature move is Zantetsuken!
ShivaShiva is a sexy mama! Her signature move is Diamond Dust! Women gotta have their diamonds!
And now it's time to find out who won! The winner is...
And the winner is...
Bahamut
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
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