Angriest Character
The Nominees
Adelbert Steiner - FFIX · Amarant Coral - FFIX · Auron - FFX · Barret Wallace - FFVII · Cid Highwind - FFVII · Lightning - FFXIII · Lulu - FFX · Zell Dincht - FFVIII
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Biggs & Wedge
of Final Fantasy VIII
Award Chocobo: Alright! To present the next award, I give you - live from the communications tower in Dollet - Biggs and Wedge from World VIII! Guys, can you hear me?
Footage appears: On top of the communication tower in Dollet.
Lieutenant Wedge: Why is it always so bloody cold up here?
Major Biggs: Stop whinging. You fixed the tower, right?
Wedge: Done and dusted, sir.
Biggs: Excellent. How's my hair?
Wedge: It's like you've just stepped out of a salon. How do you get your hair so bouncy?
Biggs: I use coconut and jojoba oil. You really see it shine in the sunlight.
Wedge: Ah right, I use lavender enriched with aloe vera but mine still looks a tad greasy. How did you find out about that?
Biggs: Some camp guy I met called Irvine put me onto it...
Wedge: So who is up for this award then? Anyone we know?
Biggs: Here, have a butchers.
Biggs hands Wedge the list of nominees.
Wedge: Look at all these prats. I should have been nominated for Angriest Member!
Biggs: You? Why the hell would anyo...
Wedge: AAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
Biggs: Jesus Christ, I just nearly shat myself! What are you doing?!!
Wedge: That's my War Cry! To go with my War Face...
Wedge pulls a pained sort of grimace.
Biggs: You look like you're having a tricky poo. Why don't you try...
Wedge: AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!
Biggs: Stop doing that, you irritating prick! You sound like you're being violated by a Chimera.
Wedge: Sorry...
Biggs: It is a sorry list though... Adelbert Steiner? He looks like a white Shrek.
Wedge: Amarant Coral? Hmph, ginger. Can't trust them.
Biggs: Ha, Auron?! To rhyme with moron.
Wedge: Barrett Wallace?! To rhyme with... err... solace.
Biggs: That was terrible. Leave the rhyming to me, you knob. Cid Highwind? Sounds like he farts a lot.
Wedge: Lightning? Wasn't she the blonde one from the UK version of 'Gladiators'?
Biggs: What's the UK?
Wedge: I have no idea.
Biggs: Lulu? God, this just gets worse and worse...
Wedge: Zell Dincht... I remember that little cock.
Biggs: Well, I think just reading this list has made me angrier than any one of these little turd bullets.
Wedge: Heads up, Major. Here comes a crew member!
A member of the communications tower staff approaches Biggs and Wedge.
Staff: Sorry guys, we're going to have to cancel. The communications tower is buggered so we can't receive. We've been broadcasting for a while, but we have no idea if it's getting through, or if it's even time for the presentation or not.
Major Biggs turns to Lieutenant Wedge.
Biggs: You prick.
Footage stops.
Award Chocobo: Well, uh... right. Uh, what I'm sure Biggs and Wedge meant to say is... "And the winner is..."
And the winner is...
Barret Wallace
