Rule 1.) Never maintain eye contact. It makes things awkward for both of us.

Rule 2.) You got fat.

Rule 3.) Delude yourself into thinking that you stopped balding.

Rule 4.) Try not to smile like Nicolas Cage when you brush your teeth.

Rule 5.) When on ambien, please try to avoid the distorted, terrifying faces of the "Man In The Mirror."

Rule 6.) Captain Picard.