The Official EoFF Blind Date: Male Edition - The Game Show

[Formalhaut]

Blind Date Official Banner.png

The I EoFF Blind Date

The time has come everyone to begin the very first Blind Date. I am sure you, as the audience, will have a great time. There will be double posting galore from me, but that is because as the audience, I should stress that you DO NOT POST HERE. Instead, post in the equally love game discussion thread for such purposes.

With that out of the way, I can now reveal that the male star of the show today is... well, this guy keeps harking on about his ex, but now he's looking for love!

The man walks out of the shadows..



MERCEN-X

Congratulations! Before the show, me and him engaged in a pre-show interview. Of course, after we did the respective criminal record checks and that. I wouldn't be in the presence of a convicted criminal! *shudders pretentiously*


Formalhaut: Hello there Mercen! Thank you for taking part in this game today. Let's begin with the basics. How old are you Mercen?

Mercen-X: I'm 28.

Formalhaut: That's fascinating Mercen. Still in your prime I see!

*Mercen-X doesn't seem to understand*

Formalhaut: Ehe.. right.. next question! What do you do for a living, besides appearing on conspicuously low-budget game shows?

Mercen-X: I'm currently looking for work at the moment, though I'm also a student at Ashford university in a degree in Psychology.

Formalhaut: That's good. I guess in this economy it is quite tough to find at the moment, especially being a student. Okay great, but let's move on to relationships. What are your experiences with relationships?

Mercen-X: My only serious relationship lasted 2 years. I've been with a total of 3 women.

Formalhaut: So what defines your type then? Who are you looking for in this show?

Mercen-X: Someone active I guess, with a lowbrow sense of humour so programmes like South Park or Family Guy. I'm very into video games, so someone with that same interest is a plus, especially if they live nearby. I'm not against kids, though they should have some experience cooking. I'm also keen on those who are "experimental"

Formalhaut: "Experimental" then? Can you uh, expand on that assertion?

*Mercen-X makes a face*

Formalhaut: I see. Gosh, I'm blushing now. Moving on, what's the most romantic thing someone's ever done for you?

Mercen-X: Eh. Nothing springs to mind.

Formalhaut: Oh Mercen, that's a sad thing to say

*Formalhaut makes a face*

Formalhaut: So, what made you want to sign-up to this show, and do you expect to find over the next few days?

Mercen-X: Well, you never know what can happen through the support of others. Partially, I just figured why not. As for love, who the hell knows? I don't really expect to find love anywhere. I'm not going to go looking for it at least not for a while.

*Formalhaut makes another face*

Formalhaut: Well, thank you for a most revealing interview! May lady luck shine on you always!


Wow, what an interview I had! It's got me pumped to get going! But first, I need to ask our lovely contestants some questions! I'm now going to be handed the golden envelope...wha.. what do you mean it got lost in the post! Idiots!

Sorry folks. Mercen-X is just going to have to write down the questions secretly and pass them on to me. Let's go to a commercial break! Stay tuned!

[Formalhaut]

Welcome back folks! I apologise for the disturbances. What appears to have happened is that a gang of thieves stole the golden envelopes containing the questions and answers, though it appears they may have masqueraded as members of the Tantalus circus group. Thankfully, their ringleader, Zidane, has been arrested and captured.

But anyway, Mercen-X is still here, awaiting patiently for the first responses! Let's jump to it then.

So, Mercen, please state your question to the four lovely contestants!

What is your ideal day out/date?

Hmm, a good question from Mercen-X! Let's see what our contestants have to say for themselves then!

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Well first, it involves waking up late, because mornings suck. Then you go to a gas station and buy some chocolate bars and water and more chocolate bars and possibly cookies, and you head out to the mountains for some hiking! After about 10 minutes of walking we will find a place to sit and eat the chocolate bars and walk for another 10 minutes before calling it a day and patting ourselves on the back for burning so many calories.

Ah, so this person clearly isn't a morning person then, not to mention a cheap date! However, perhaps this contestant doesn't like grand gestures of love and romance, instead wanting simple pleasures in life? Can't argue with cookies.

My ideal date is playing video games over a nice home cooked meal!

This contestant really likes short, simple statements. However, what I'm also intrigued is what sort of home cooked meals this contestant likes to cook!

Meet in the afternoon on a nice summer day when the heat isn't unbearable. Walk around the city or a park, or something enjoying the company of each other. Maybe have a picnic. After that find a restaurant with a nice terrace and sit and have a good meal, some wine or beer. Depending on light pollution walk back and do some star-gazing. If he's a real gentleman then maybe end the night with a kiss.

I have to say, this is sounding right up my street! If you cut the wine or beer, this is perfect for me! But sadly, I'm not a contestant, so it's up to Mercen-X to decide on how good the answers are!

April 25th. Because it's not too hot, and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

So according to this question, this contestant's ideal date is on April 25th. What about the other 364 days in a year! What about the actual date itself!


Anyway, so that's the responses from the four lovely contestants! Let's turn over to Mercen-X and listen to what he has to say about the first batches of responses! Only SIX more to go guys!

[Mercen-X]

Well first, waking up late... chocolate bars and water and cookies... mountains for some hiking! 10 minutes of walking, find a place to sit and eat, walk another 10 minutes.

Response

Cookies and candy bars: sounds good. Hiking is fun and I really like the idea of not walking for too long. lol (I never congratulate myself for burning calories though. lol)

My ideal date is playing video games over a nice home cooked meal!

Response

Sounds awesome! Who would cook? lol There are meals I have experience making, but I'm not a gourmet chef.

Meet in the afternoon... Walk around the city or park... Maybe have a picnic... find a restaurant with a nice terrace... do some star-gazing. If he's a real gentleman then maybe end the night with a kiss.

Response

I like the idea of touring around. The nicest restaurants I've been in were the Cheesecake Factory and BJs. The idea of dining on a terrace does sound nice on a summer day, but what about a windy or rainy day? What's to do then? Also, I'm a compulsive nice guy though I'm not sure that's what you mean by gentleman.

I have to say, this is sounding right up my street! If you cut the wine or beer, this is perfect for me!

Response

Dislike wine?

April 25th. Because it's not too hot, and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

Response

Ookay. April is a nice month with the mild weather, yes. :chuckle:

[Formalhaut]

Hello back from our commercial break! I hope you've had a great interval! And Mercen, I dislike wine because I am tee-total!

Anyway, let's get cracking with Mercen's second question:

Ever kissed on the first date?

A very interesting question there from Mercen-X! Let's see what our contestants say!

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No, I wait until date 2 or 3. I tend to sex before the first date though.

Ah, wait hang on? So this contestant doesn't kiss until the second or third date, but has sex 'before' the first date?! Interesting...

Only a couple of times, but it's not a normal thing. Really depends on how the date goes.

Well, at least there's no sex involved in this answer! This person strikes me as a safe, mature person who likes to keep it steady. Nice!

Yes, yes I have.

Well, that answers that then! Though I'm getting a rather suggestive vibe from this answer. Almost as if the contestant does alot more than just 'kiss'...

I do way more than that.

Well, judging by the identity of this contestant, I am honestly not surprised.


And that's that for another round! I am amazed at how saucy all of our lovely contestants are! Oh, I'm getting flustered! Mercen, what are your thoughts?

[Mercen-X]

And Mercen, I dislike wine because I am tee-total!

Once upon a time...

No, I wait until date 2 or 3. I tend to sex before the first date though.

Response

Well, I do know a girl who apparently doesn't like to kiss until sex... or during unless it's really good.

Only a couple of times, but it's not a normal thing. Really depends on how the date goes.

Response

Well, I would certainly hope the date goes well then.

Yes, yes I have.

Response

Mmm. I see.

I do way more than that.

Response

...and naturally I'm left wondering exactly what "more" entails. (though I think I've got the idea)

[Formalhaut]

Welcome back to another part of EoFF Blind Date! Can we please get Mercen's next question?

Would you hate me if I cringed from something you like to do?

Ah, good to see Mercen-X has thought ahead and been realistic with this question. Not every couple are going to have perfectly identical interests or intricacies, so by asking this question, any potential pitfalls will be dramatically reduced! Let's see what our contestants have to say...

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Not if I can hit you for it.

Oh, what a violent response there from our first contestant! Let's see what our next contestant have to say...

To each his own I say! Not everyone likes everything, I will probably do the same.

Ah, now there's someone who appreciates equality and fairness. Good response in my opinion! But's it not down to me though

No, but to be fair I will probably do the same thing, maybe tease you slightly about it in good humour.

I love a good tease me, especially in the name of good humour! I have to say, if I was in the hotseat, Contestant #3 is sounding good to me!

Hate you? Yes, yes I would. And I'd punish it for you. Lorena Bobbitt style. God damn it, you will watch Dance Moms, and you will like it.

I can imagine this contestant to be shouting out the answer if we were in the luxurious Blind Date studio. However, Dance Moms does certainly seem to be funny, if only because I can imagine it will be horribly amusing.


And that's a wrap for this round. There's been many mixed responses! Some have been all loving, others have been unashamedly bullish and fierce! It will be interesting to see what Mercen-X thinks about all this.

[Mercen-X]

Not if I can hit you for it.

Response

Ow! Friendly fire! I pray you're not a Miss Universe.

To each his own I say! I will probably do the same.

Response

One reaps what one sows. Well put.

I will probably do the same thing, maybe tease in good humour.

Response

Humour is a valuable thing. If you didn't tease me for things I look/sound ridiculous doing (often likely on purpose), I don't think you'd be all that fun.

I'd punish you Lorena Bobbitt-style. Goddamn it, you'll watch Dance Moms.

Response

I don't know who Lorena Bobbitt is and I don't know what Dance Moms is either, but I'm sure it would torment me.

[Formalhaut]

Were just about halfway through! And so far, Contestant #2 and #3 seem to be catching my eye to say the least! Mercen-X, it's still all to play for and one bad response may send a contestant out of the running!

And Mercen's next question to you guys is:

I don't mind if you laugh at me for how I dance, but would you still dance with me?

Oh, the dreaded dancing! This can often make or break that romantic liaison on the dance-floor and not everyone's a dancer. Will our contestants mind? Let's find out!

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Of course!

Simple enough response I guess. Though the quickness of the response sounds almost instinctive. How sweet!

Of course! I love dancing! We can be fools together.

Of course! What a good answer. And to be honest, hardly anyone I know is good at dancing, so you two won't be the only ones being fools.

I might chuckle-I am no saint. However, assuming I am not too shy that night (read: have enough drinks in me), I will dance the night away with you.

This contestant is taking a gamble by being upfront, and honest. Risky, though I personally admire honesty in a lover. I can imagine this contestant having a few, and then doing a 'Dirty Dancing' move.

Listen. Every woman wants a boyfriend with great skills. If you don't know how to dance, go to the local thrift store, buy yourself a copy of D-Qwon's Dance Grooves, and spend an afternoon in front of the tv with some Gatorade. Because I sure as hell ain't dancin' with you if you make me look like a foo'.

Hmm, this one definitely has standards. If you don't mind gyrating in front of a T.V for a good few hours, go ahead! Who knows, maybe this contestant wants you to improve your life with mad dance skills!


And that's it for another time! We are getting closer to the end! Let's examine Mercen-X's responses.

[Mercen-X]

Of course!

Response

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Of course! I love dancing! We can be fools together.

Response

I wouldn't say I love dancing. I definitely feel the music, but I'm usually self-conscious which is why it's important I have someone who will dance with me.

I might chuckle-I am no saint. However, assuming I have enough drinks in me, dance the night away with you.

Response

Wait. You'd have to be drunk to dance with me?

If you don't know how to dance, spend an afternoon in front of the tv with some Gatorade. I ain't dancin' with you if you make me look like a foo'.

Response

Oh... baby, dancing isn't the only thing you'll see or hear out of me that will humiliate you. I'm epileptic (I don't always have seizures, but I occasionally have "space moments" tied to my epilepsy), but most of the goofy stuff I do is deliberate.

[Formalhaut]

Welcome back to another segment of the EoFF Blind Date! I'm still your host, Formalhaut and this is Mercen-X's final question! Let's see what it is:

On these forums I tend to talk too much out of turn. In person, I hardly talk at all. Would this be a nail in the proverbial coffin?

An interesting final question from Mr.Mercen. I also sense some honest answers in our future... let's find out!

EoFF Round Five Banner.png

Not at all! I can just ignore your posts.

Fair enough! If there's something you don't like, ignore it!

No. I'm pretty sure I talk enough for the both of us! Socially Awkward Hazard.

Based on this comment, this contestant might talk for the entire world. Mercen, if you suffer from chronic headaches, this one might not be for you!

Not necessarily. I do love to talk so I can hold up a conversation. Plus I have a way of getting people to open up and engage them in the conversation.

I find anyone who can get people to talk quite a nice trait in a person. Of course, a gun to the head can get anyone to talk, but any person who can slowly unpick a shyness is a great person in my view.

You talking too much, or not talking enough? Frankly, I don't give a trout. As long as I make you scream in bed.

This contestant is probably a dominatrix. If that's your thing Mercen. If you do choose this contestant and go round the household, and you find a torture chamber. Just run. Run for your life.


And that is the last of Mercen's questions! The final two questions are answered by yours truly, the host! Mercen-X will still be commenting, of course, but he can relax now and let the questions come from me. Stay tuned!

[Mercen-X]

Not at all! I can just ignore your posts.

Response

Okay.

No. I'm pretty sure I talk enough for the both of us! Socially Awkward Hazard.

Response

I've known people who yap incessantly. It doesn't bother me unless it's nonsensical or just plain gossip. If you have an actual topic, I'll definitely listen.

Not necessarily. I do love to talk so I can hold up a conversation. Plus I have a way of getting people to open up and engage them in the conversation.

Response

Sounds very promising. I appreciate people who can get me to open up.

You talking too much, or not talking enough? Frankly, I don't give a trout. As long as I make you scream in bed.

Response

Hmm. I haven't met anyone thus far who can get me to be vocal "in bed." You'd have to be quite the wildcat.

[Formalhaut]

Were getting into the twilight zone of the game folks! Hopefully we are all still awake for the last two questions! Round Six!

This time, I ask the questions. Mercen can just sit back and comment on the answers.

What are your tastes in music? Any favourite bands or anything?

Music is an essential element to all of our lives. From the time we are born till the time we die, music permeates through all of us. What do our contestants think?

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I listen to alot of 80's and 90's music. My favourite bands are R.E.M, Tears for Fears, and Oasis. I'm also big into grunge music.

My musical tastes are quite specific, and none of these are really hitting the mark. I have heard of Oasis, with Noel and Liam Gallagher, and Wonderwall is definitely a favourite of mine. Grunge music though? Bleh.

Rock, mostly. I'll listen to anything that isn't rap. My favourite band is Breaking Benjamin.

Rock is okay, I guess, depends on how heavy it is. We do share our hate of rap however, which is a good thing. And while I've never heard of Breaking Benjamin, the English student in me appreciates the use of alliteration.

My tastes very greatly depending on my moods. In general I prefer female singer-songwriters. I love piano collections, especially that of Kingdom Hearts. Florence and the Machine is one of my favourite bands right now, but I listen to an assortment of things.

This is music to my ears. I happen to have many piano collections on my Ipod, and Florence + The Machine is one of my favourite bands too! If I was in Mercen-X's place, I know which one I'd be dashing toward.

Barry White. Good baby-makin' music. I'd like to invite you to my bedroom for a private listening to some Barry.

I get the feeling this contestant just wants to sex with you.


And that's almost it! Just one more question to go guys! Let's see what Mercen thinks about all this.

[Mercen-X]

I listen to alot of 80's and 90's music. My favourite bands are R.E.M, Tears for Fears, and Oasis. I'm also big into grunge music.

Response

A lot of awesome music came out of the 80's and 90's. 70's too. I only know two songs by R.E.M., but they're songs I've always liked. I would have to research to find out who Tears for Fears. The only grunge music I ever listened to was by Nirvana.

Rock, mostly. I'll listen to anything that isn't rap. My favourite band is Breaking Benjamin.

Response

I only know "I Will Not Bow" by Breaking Benjamin. I grew up on rock music from bands like AC/DC, Poison, Guns & Roses, Metallica, Twisted Sister, and Stryper. I do occasionally listen to rap, but I'm finicky about it. Some singles by Eminem and nearly anything by Will Smith.

My tastes vary greatly depending on my moods. In general I prefer female singer-songwriters. I love piano collections, especially that of Kingdom Hearts. Florence and the Machine is one of my favourite bands right now, but I listen to an assortment of things.

Response

Some of my favorites: Vanessa Carlton, Sara Bareilles, Alicia Keyes, Michelle Branch, and others. I have no idea who Florence and the Machine are.

Barry White. Good baby-makin' music. I'd like to invite you to my bedroom for a private listening to some Barry.

Response

O_o

[Formalhaut]

It's time to finish this, with the last round of questioning! Let's hit it with my final question!

How experimental are you in the bedroom?

How suggestive of me. Anyway, any successful relationship is going to need a healthy and fulfilling sex life, so it's definitely important! I'm expecting my contestants to be very, very frank and open.

EoFF Round Seven Banner.png

Very.

Guess not.

I'll try anything.

Ohohoho! As dear Chris would say.

As long as there is no blood, pee, or poop, I am pretty open. I do like it rough. Nice, gentle sex is good if the mood calls for it. But honestly, I have more fun when it is a rough tumble.

Well well, this contestant isn't putting cards close to the chest here. Good thing that there's no scatological fetish going on here, might creep you out Mercen. I imagine plenty of bed rocking. If you're doing it on your own bed Mercen, take care not to break it.

You know the Kama Sutra? Yeah? I wrote that mothersmurfer.

Apparently this one knows all about the "Congress of the cow", "Rocking of the horse", "Catherine Wheel", "Butterfly" and the "Splitting bamboo" position.


And with that, all questions have been answered. Mercen, your task now is to:

1. Comment on the final round, as usual.
2. THEN, rank the contestants from worst to best, with your top pick obviously being the one you'd like to go out with.
3. Give reasons for your decisions: what put you off, or what turned you on?

And with that, the results are then in. All on you Mercen! Thanks for being a great participant!

[Mercen-X]

My God, I hadn't realized I've been absent a month!

Very.

Response

Nods.

I'll try anything.

Response

Nod and a grin.

As long as there is no blood, pee, or poop, I am pretty open. I do like it rough. Nice, gentle sex is good if the mood calls for it. But honestly, I have more fun when it is a rough tumble.

Response

As long as you leave some skin on my back and some hair on my head, that all sounds fun.

You know the Kama Sutra? Yeah? I wrote that mothersmurfer.

Response

Wow.

1. THEN, rank the contestants from worst to best, with your top pick obviously being the one you'd like to go out with.
2. Give reasons for your decisions: what put you off, or what turned you on?

Overall

This is definitely a difficult choice. There were quite a few awesome responses. The idea of get my tool shanked by #4 was a little scary but I honestly don't think I'd ever do anything to warrant such treatment. Also a bit unnerved by the learning to dance thing but I guess I'd just have to get over it. Despite presentation of some sweet ideas, in the end, intrigue wins out.

Contestant #4: was definitely the most alluring with the answers.
Contestant #3: seemed sweet and her last response sounded especially promising.
Contestant #1: got my *ahem* eyebrow up upon mentioning her tendencies first-date-wise.
Contestant #2: had some nice answers, however, while I love the idea of a gaming night, #1's responses had me raising my eyebrows just a little bit more.