Since I slammed my gun hand against the wall at the motel, I'd better check my gun sights



Here's where I'm aiming


Eh, my aim is fine.


Bains is going to Steelton, so I'm going to Steelton.


This is what happens if you don't press the crosswalk button before crossing




Oh well, I guess Bains gets away with it. Too bad about Marie, though.


I already did. I don't have that kind of money. Well, I do, but I'm saving for a new TV.


Smurf you too, buddy.




Same old Larry


Safety first. Hopefully this will be a nice, uneventful flight


Yes, you can get drunk on the flight


I complained about Carol's coffee in PQ1, and I complain about the airline coffee in PQ2. This is because I do not like coffee. I still drink it, though.



Tell you when you're older



This scene needs more stereotypes

For no reason whatsoever, the hijacker pushes his hostage and she falls over, leaving me with a clear line of fire.




KHAAAAANNNNNN!



Which, conveniently, is in English



Nice of them to carry exactly what is needed to defuse the bomb.



I read these instructions in a Russian accent due to the failure to use the definite article.








Notice that the timer isn't at 0:01 at the time I defuse the bomb? This is because unlike movie cops, I am actually competent


By which I mean I followed the instructions which Egyptian hijackers courteously translated into English for me prior to hijacking the plane. Nice fellows. Perhaps I shouldn't have shot and killed them both.


Whose name does not matter at all, so henceforth I shall refer to him as Chuck.




The only people left on Bains' hit list are me and Marie now. Well, he's had lots of time to kill Marie, so probably just me, actually.


Remember PQ1? Burt Park is in Lytton.

Sixteen seconds after the marked squad car drives away, some dude with a mohawk tries to mug me, but I have a gun.



Petition to make Keith change his last name to Murtagh



Why? Lytton PD is closer. I like how we flew out to Steelton, talked to a couple of cops, had them drive us alllllll the way back to Lytton (and drop us off at Burt Park instead of the office), and now we're sending a local mugger back to Steelton for no reason


"Evidence of recent use?" What the hell does that mean?


I could open it, but instead I'll just move it


See that pipe on the far right? If I walk in front of it, I die. Same thing happens if I misstep. Apparently these sewers have the universe's swiftest current and touching the sewage gets one instantly swept under and drowned in urine and feces.



A gas mask in a sewer? Someone's got a sense of humour


IT'S METHANE GAS! No, that's not my joke, in the game you can actually die from inhalation of methane gas.


Yes, I'm actually wearing a gas mask to protect myself from concentrated fart smell.


That's the only room in the sewer, it must be where Bains is living.
Yes, he broke out of jail, where he has free meals, hot showers, internet access, and probably a PS3, to live in a room surrounded by piss and trout at all times.




Stereotype time again! If I don't "calm marie" she freaks out and brings Bains running




So? I have a gun, too, and now Bains doesn't have a hostage.

If I do the sensible thing and point my gun at the door so that I've got the drop on Bains and he knows it as soon as he walks in, Bains auto-wins the shootout -- apparently he can assess the situation, draw his weapon, and fire it faster than I can react.

Instead, I'll hide behind those pipes like a coward and plug him before he even knows I'm here.





That's what you told me at the end of PQ1. *shoots Bains in the head several times for good measure*


That's one upside to being a cop: The consequence of fatally shooting someone is a paid vacation. *passes out police academy recruitment flyers to psychopaths*




Yes, I would say pulling the trigger over and over and over again counts as some measure of involvement in the discharge of my weapon.


I fired first. The first indicator Bains had that I was even there was my bullet through his head. Luckily I know how to lie to a review board.


The review board didn't seem to catch on to the fact that every time Bains crosses my path, gunfire is involved and it's not even a little bit reluctant.

All's well that ends well; Bains is dead, I'm the one who killed him, and I'm getting paid for it instead of going to jail.

I didn't screencap the rest of it because it's formulaic and cloying; Sonny is awarded a commendation for killing Bains (Keith gets nothing), gets sent on a department-funded vacation to the Bahamas, and pops the question to Marie, who says yes, probably because as a syphilitic ex-prostitute, she doesn't exactly have a million options. This has been your run-on sentence for the day.

THE END