Nothing that severe, and I know it reads melodramatic. But I did hurt a lot of people due to overwhelming self absorption and a callous disregard for anyone that was not me, or couldn't benefit me in some way. And I get that a lot of things like this are already in the past for people - it's just hard for me personally knowing that I was that way, and knowing that even if they're over it or have forgiven me, there's still that lingering memory in people's minds of this old me who did these bad things and was this bad person, who I put down in 07 but still can't fully get rid of.Originally Posted by Shlup
I wish I could make more sense - it's been a long day - but that is why I haven't tried to reconnect for the most part. And when I have, I have generally been met with polite but cold responses, which I must accept, because I understand - basically, a "I forgive you for who you were, but I don't want to know who you have become" - and if Daniel hadn't told me my name had been brought up I probably would have stayed away.
tl;dr of all this is if you and I used to be friends and you want to reconnect, I am absolutely receptive, but for the most part I can't initiate while I've still got this cloud of guilt. It will feel like an imposition and I have imposed enough for one life.
<3 I actually go by Gene now, since 07 or 08 actually! Paul has some baggage with it that I'm kinda trying to leave behind.I miss you and hope you're well! My AIM is the same as ever, I can't stop using the thing.
