The Rage Rules

[Chris]

Was browsing Glamour.com, and came across this:

The Rage Rules:

1. You are allowed to hate the other woman on the day you find out about her. It might not be rational, or fair, or feminist, but you just got cheated on. You can hate EVERYONE today. Talk crap about a woman you don’t even know to your friends and imagine drop-kicking her while you burn off some major rage calories at the gym.
   
2. During this initial Day o' Hatred, your anger must be kept to imaginary revenge. You will not throw eggs at her house or call her a slut on Facebook.
   
3. However, after the initial period of pure rage, you must remember that your boyfriend betrayed you, not this girl. Crap-talking (about her, anyway) must cease. You may still secretly, unfairly resent her for up to one month.
   
4. If you discover that she had no idea you existed, you must cease hating her immediately. Seriously, she got duped too. You don't actually have to become best friends, but you're misplacing the blame if you're still hoping she gets an incurable case of acne.
   
5. If she knew about you and purposely helped your boyfriend sneakaround behind your back, OK fine. You can hate her a little. That wasn't cool. But remember that it was still the guy who ultimately betrayed you. Also, all that negativity will only hurt you and give you frown lines, so probably you should just let it go anyway.

Agree or do not agree?

[Jinx]

This is fairly accurate, I think.

[Formalhaut]

Yeah, sounds fair.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Seems to me that if the person knew you were there, even if your partner was lying about how bad your were to gain their sympathies, then it's fair to hate them and despise them for cheating just as much as your boyfriend/girlfriend. It takes two to cheat, and if they know then they're just as guilty.

On the flip-side, the part about not hating the person if they honestly didn't know is also very good. It might be too painful to interact with the person because it brings up all those memories, but hating them isn't fair. They were led on, and feel the exact same as you.

[Pike]

I don't hate the girl my ex cheated on me with. I just feel sorry for her for having to put up with my ex now.

[NorthernChaosGod]

I agree pretty much completely. Yes it's still a dick move to help the person cheat if they know they're in a relationship, but it's not their job to maintain the relationship.

On a related note, I've seen too many videos of girls getting beaten up over a cheating boyfriend. I get pissed off every time at how dumb some of these girls are for being so much more mad at the girl.

[The Man]

I agree pretty much completely. Yes it's still a dick move to help the person cheat if they know they're in a relationship, but it's not their job to maintain the relationship.

On a related note, I've seen too many videos of girls getting beaten up over a cheating boyfriend. I get pissed off every time at how dumb some of these girls are for being so much more mad at the girl.

This. Well, I haven't bothered watching videos like that, but it's stupid when it happens.

[Aulayna]

Well it's often because they feel so betrayed and haven't come to terms with the idea that it's actually the guy who was responsible so it's easier to displace that onto the other girl because the guy would never betray her.

Let's be realistic here it's not something unique to girls either. I know of and have heard of plenty of guys who want to go and beat the other guy up when they find out their girlfriend was cheating on them.

Or guys when they find out their boyfriend was cheating, or girls with their girlfriend etc.

Of course - It's easier to act like a rational impartial person of no emotional impulse when judging the behaviour of others.

[The Man]

Of course it is, but it's nonetheless pretty depressing how many people completely overlook their partner's flaws (namely the choice to engage in an act of severe deception and betrayal) and blame everything, or almost everything, on the "other woman" (or "other man"). The partner was the one who made the choice to cheat, regardless if they seduced the person they cheated with or were seduced.

[Aulayna]

Well emotions have an impact on rationality. If everyone could be completely detached and rational about everything then they'd probably spot such situations coming from a mile of. But not everyone is or some people willingly choose to not believe it.

The act of someone doing this is emotional venting, just like someone who's really really mad will likely flail and fume about it or go and hole themselves up in private and pent it up and then once the venting is done they can move on to processing it and coming to terms with the full picture. This takes longer for some people than it does for others.

Is it particularly classy or dignified? Not really. But for every classy and dignified response there was probably hours of turmoil behind closed doors that lead up to it. All such videos do is actually show what's going on behind closed doors - but this really goes back to that old adage of not airing dirty laundry in public.

[Pumpkin]

Seems to me that if the person knew you were there, even if your partner was lying about how bad your were to gain their sympathies, then it's fair to hate them and despise them for cheating just as much as your boyfriend/girlfriend. It takes two to cheat, and if they know then they're just as guilty.

On the flip-side, the part about not hating the person if they honestly didn't know is also very good. It might be too painful to interact with the person because it brings up all those memories, but hating them isn't fair. They were led on, and feel the exact same as you.

This. I have been cheated on by all of my exes and one particular case was the girl knew and would only sleep with men in relationships. I'm guessing its a self esteem thing. I was more mad at him obviously, but I was still mad at her. Sure, she isn't the one who cheated on me, but she still disrespected my relationship and did something that hurt another person at that would have hurt her had she been in the same situation. That's called being a crappy person.

If the girl didn't know, you can be hurt, but she really had no idea and she can't really be blamed. She wasn't trying to hurt or disrespect anyone.

[Aulayna]

As for the rules themselves I agree with them generally. Apart from #1 - even if you're royally upset and angry it still doesn't make it okay to bitch about other random people who had no involvement at all. Your ex and who they cheated with, sure, but don't go ruining the day of someone completely unrelated.

[Sephex]

Is it really that hard for people to act like adults?

No, seriously. They need a magazine or something to give them advice? It happens. You can either choose to burden the pointless weight of a grudge/revenge or move on. Yeah, it's not going to happen within the same day or whatever, but it's seriously not that hard to rationalize these sort of feelings at the end of the day.

[Shorty]

Sure, agree, except for that last part that makes them a slut who it's okay to hate.

[NorthernChaosGod]

I agree pretty much completely. Yes it's still a dick move to help the person cheat if they know they're in a relationship, but it's not their job to maintain the relationship.

On a related note, I've seen too many videos of girls getting beaten up over a cheating boyfriend. I get pissed off every time at how dumb some of these girls are for being so much more mad at the girl.

This. Well, I haven't bothered watching videos like that, but it's stupid when it happens.

I've seen three different videos of girls getting absolutely destroyed just this past week. It really makes me mad and then pretty depressed.