Now, maybe it's just me, but I never liked the look of that Newbie Party. Buncha people we ain't never seen before showing up outta nowhere, chattin' us up about EoFF. Tryin' to learn stuff about us. Probin' for weaknesses I reckon. Now the Fascist party is evil, no doubt, but them's the devil we know. What do we know about these Newbie's? Nuthin' side from they're new, they hate hats, and they be livin' practically next door.

Doesn't sit well with me. Not on ruttin' bit. I say these guys is probably the folks hiding them WMB's or whatever. And even if they ain't, I'll feel a might bit safer with them outta the way if you catch my meaning.

Now the thing is, any good plan a attack's gotta involve the element a surprise. When we hit, we gotta hit hard and they gotta be lookin' the other way. I'm thinking we start with a good distraction. Mebbe Zoe gettin' neked.

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Wait, now here me out sweet cheeks-

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Okay, I can get neked-

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FINE. Ain't nobody gotta get neked. I got me a plan B. See, we been preparing for the possibility of war with these Newbie's for a while. We got ourselves all kinds a guns, and planes and all the gorram bombs a man could want. But we really only need one thing: grenades.

See, there's a train that runs straight from the lounge to the Newbie headquarters. Those folks need their daily fill a talkin' about movin' pictures and Games a Thrones and some such else. Ain't but one place that comes from. I figger we fly in nice and low in Serenity, pop a top hatch open, and set us up a buncha grenades on a nice long timer right next to the fuel. Train stops in Newbieshire, timer runs out, and their headquarters is hurtin' pretty bad. In the confusion's when we have one a our planes air drop in a sign, big enough ta be seen from space, sayin' Reavers eat free. Then all we gotta do is guard the boarder, pop any crazy cannibal folks strays our way, and the Newbie party ain't no more with us barely havin' ta lift a finger.