Extra!
Today, devoted readers, you get a glimpse into the humble life of your very own news servant, Rob Roy.

Very few know this, but I am actually one of quintuplets. I shared the womb with three others: Belvin, Melvin and Zelvin. Eager to be successful in life, I was first out of the womb and onto my Mother's teat, determined to gain nourishment to strengthen my body and mind for the battles that lay ahead. This zeal for achievement left a bitter taste upon the tongues of my three younger siblings, who began to resent me. Try as they may, they could never measure up in my mother's eye and I was held above them. I would even extend the proverbial olive branch at times, trying to offer the services of my superior intellect to help them plod through the more mundane activities that life would put in their way, often stumped at how to proceed. But this branch was cast aside, my brothers pride would not allow them to accept my help when they needed it most.

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you this story. For my three brothers (pictured above) never allowed me to help them to realize their full potential and now they count down the days until lady death's delicate touch draws them to the next phase of their existence. In the meantime, they plod along the surface of the earth, wearing a variety of hats, caps, derbys and other assorted headwear, all infected with lice. I do not know why this travesty has fallen them and I am spared, allowed to share my lucious locks with the world. But please do not hold this against them, for theirs is a tough lot and they bear so much already.

Thank you and good night.