First, open up your toothpaste contained and squirt it allllll over the mirror. That's right, all over. Really get in there and get every inch of it covered. Second, that bleach spray you were going to use on the countertops? Unscrew the lid and dump that trout all down the toilet. Yes, all of it, down the drain. Third, get yourself a bottle of Hershey's chocolate sauce. You see where I'm going with this? Stand in the doorway and spray that smurfer down like you're a firefighter hosing down the goddamned Mayor's house and his wife and dog are trapped inside, screaming for their lives while they burn alive.

Optional step four, do the same with strawberry syrup during "that time" for an added affect. Make sure you record the reaction of whoever it is next entering the bathroom after your escapades.