The EoFF Cookbook!

[LocoColt04]

Okay. I ripped my old contest entry to pieces and back, and I challenge any one of you who tried it the first time to make this again. I also challenge anyone else who didn't try it to make it because you like food, and I like food, and that is why we are here in Quina's Kitchen.

This dish CAN be vegetarian (and tastes wonderful that way, we did it last week) without altering the way the meal works! So even though meat will be listed in the recipe, I will list this as such because it works both ways.

This post is super duper ridiculously detailed, and covers every step individually. While the meal is otterly large and requires a lot of prep time, it is actually incredibly simple to make and good for beginners. A great way to show off to a group your newfound cooking prowess!




Fiesta Stir Fry, Mk.IV & optional
Serves: 4-6 if it is the only course; 8+ in single portions
Cooking and Prep Time: Entire meal can be done in roughly an hour - less if you have a helper!
Cost: $ per person, $$-$$$ overall (depending upon meat pricing)

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Sorry I didn't snap an image of the serving!
But you can use this for reference when reading about chopping below!

Tools
• Wok - if you do not have a wok, use a otterly otterly large skillet, or plan to cut the recipe in half, or split over multiple pans, etc.
• Skillet - for pan-frying sausage and chicken; unnecessary if leaving out meat
• Medium pot
• Strainer
• Two cutting boards w/ knives for each; plates/dishes/etc to place ingredients (one if skipping meat)
• Teacup or salsa bowl (etc.) to mix sauce
• Places to deposit ingredients as you go along; a few paper plates may make this much simpler

Ingredients
• 1/3 pound of egg noodles (any size/shape will do)
• OPTIONAL: Three fresh chicken tenderloins
• OPTIONAL: 1/2 pound pork sausage link
• One large green bell pepper
• One large yellow sweet pepper
• One large orange sweet pepper
• One large red sweet pepper
• 1/2 of a large yellow onion
• Three raw carrots, fully grown
• 1/4 pound broccoli (almost half of a otterly large sprout)
• Six stalks of fresh cilantro
• One fresh line (two if using Key limes)
• Low sodium soy sauce
• Vegetable oil
• Dill weed
• Lemon pepper
• Garlic powder
• Chipotle powder

Preparation and Cooking
Remember to thoroughly rinse your fresh vegetables prior to the preparation of each individual ingredient!

In your medium pot, fill with 2/3 water and set to boil. Sprinkle chipotle powder into the water; roughly a dime-size patch in your palm will be enough. Sprinkle garlic powder across the top surface of the water, and follow suit with the lemon pepper. Move to your prep station.

MEAT:
On one cutting board, slice your link of sausage at a wide angle to create thin strips (instead of a perpendicular cut). When through the link, move sausage to a plate on the side. Move your three chicken tenderloins to the cutting board, then cut each one into three long strips (four if rather wide) and then in half to reduce length. Move chicken onto a separate plate on the side. Do not reuse this cutting board for anything else - if it is your only board, wash thoroughly before preparing anything else on it; nobody wants salmonella.

everyTHING ELSE:
When the meat is done being prepared, your water otter be boiling. Add your egg noodles. The noodles will absorb the flavors in the water. Keep an eye on this periodically.

Grab your cutting board and begin chopping your vegetables. Take your half onion, remove the bulb, innermost layer, and outermost layer, and hold your breath. A proper chop otter take less than twenty seconds. Slice the onion in half vertically, then turn and cut across in roughly 1/4" slices. Move the onions to their own plate.

The noodles otter be almost done. Remove the pot from the heat, stir thoroughly, and leave to the side. If the noodles are still a little firm, this is fine, as they will continue to soak in the water while you prepare your other items. DO NOT DRAIN THIS POT YET.

Begin heating your skillet.

Remove any blemishes in the skin of your carrots with your blade, then cut each carrot into thirds. Cut each of those pieces vertically, creating thin, chip-like slices. As you slice each carrot, toss them into the pot with the noodles to begin softening. Cut your broccoli from the main stalks so that you get small, bite-sized chunks. Though symmetry is not important, sprouts ranging from dime-to-nickel diameters are ideal. Toss your broccoli into the pot as well; stir everything in the pot so the vegetables absorb flavor. Remove excess stalk from the cilantro. Give it a rough chop, and toss this into the pot too. You are now done with ingredients congregating with your noodles.

If you are playing this game multiplayer, this is where your co-op partner can step in and do one task while you perform the other. If you are playing the single-player campaign, it is recommended to complete the following in order:

Player One: Pour a little vegetable oil into your hot skillet. Pour a smaller amount of soy as well. Drop in your sausage chips and push them around a bit until everything is a little bit browned. Almost all sausage is technically precooked, so it's only important to brown the edges and sear in a bit of the soy flavor. The meat can be moved back onto a plate when it is ready. Pour a bit more oil and soy into the pan, and drop in your chicken. Pan-searing chicken takes 10-15 minutes, as you otter ensure the meat is fully cooked. Under no circumstance otter the plate the chicken was on be reused. When the chicken is done (flipped, seared, browned, etc.) it can be moved onto a new plate or share the plate the sausage is now on.

Player Two: Continue the vegetables. Slice the top and the bottom off of each of your peppers. Then, stand the pepper and cut down its natural creases. Take each segment, lay flat, and slice into four or five thin pieces, roughly 1/4" thick each. The peppers otter loosely resemble noodles. Repeat for all four peppers, and set aside.

Set the wok onto a burner and allow it to start heating.

Get your strainer and pour your pot of noodles and veggies through. Shake out most of the water and set the ingredients back into the pot for easy handling.

Now comes the final step before everything blends together: making your sauce.

In your teacup or salsa cup or dish of choice, pour roughly 1/3 cup of soy. Coat the top of the liquid with dill weed. Stir thoroughly. Add a small pinch of chipotle powder. Take your fresh lime, cut in half, and squeeze both halves into the mixture. Use your spoon and scrape the inside of the lime to get as much fruit as possible into the mix. Stir thoroughly again.

WOK TIME!

Pour a little vegetable oil into the bottom of the wok, just barely coating the flat portion. Place your onion into the wok and begin stirring immediately. As the onions begin to caramelize (starting to turn brown, getting clear), add a couple spoonfuls of your soy mix, and then add all of your chicken. Stir vigorously to move the onions off the bottom of the wok. Add more soy mix every time the bottom of the wok is nearly dry. Add all of the peppers next; continue stirring and adding soy mix as necessary. As the peppers begin to soften and assimilate the coloring of the sauce, add your sausage and all of the ingredients from your pot. Scoop items from the bottom and shift to the top, ensuring that every flavor in the dish has some time at the bottom where your sauce will settle. Continue mixing in more bountiful portions of the sauce as you add more ingredients to the wok. When the remainder of your soy mix is gone and the noodles have completely taken the coloration, your meal will be complete!

Serve five or six people in deep bowls with room for a second serving, or serve ten (or more!) people single servings if you intend to consume anything else.